It’s a common scenario. You like a guy. There’s been some interaction, but you can’t tell if the feeling is mutual. You flirt, sometimes with success, but you’d really like to know if you’re wasting your time. Does he like you back or not?
When that happens, the absolute best thing you can do is fake it. That’s right. Make the assumption that he does like you instead of trying to read between the lines.
Most women, and men for that matter, take a different approach. They play the role of detective, using vague clues to try to ferret out the other person’s feelings. That’s a bad idea.
Think about where your mind is when you play detective. It’s centered on self-doubt. You’re working off the assumption that he doesn’t like you and looking for evidence that you’re wrong. It feels like a safe option. After all, no one wants to assume they’re liked only to be let down. Unfortunately, you end up working against yourself.
The problem with this approach is that it plays to your insecurities. Assuming the best gives you confidence when you interact with him. He’ll find it alluring and fun. But if you’re constantly worried about whether or not he likes you in return, you’re chipping away at your “natural” way of interacting.
The result is that you simply don’t put your best foot forward.
Instead of worrying about how he feels, focus on the fact that there are many attractive things about you. Assume he sees you for all your good qualities. Basically, tell yourself he already likes you. You don’t have to take on the role of the pursuer. There’s no need for you to ask him out or to flirt shamelessly. Just tell yourself privately that he’d be nuts not to like you.
When you do that, something incredible happens.
You gain a crazy amount of confidence. Rather than coming off as needy or insecure, you project the image of a woman who knows who she is and why she’s desirable. This dramatically increases the chances that he’ll see you as attractive.
Instead of playing detective, adopt the mindset that he already likes you. You stand a better shot at creating the reality you want!
Psychologists call this a self-fulfilling prophecy. At its heart, it’s faking it ’til you make it. It may feel a bit like psychological hocus pocus, but it works.
And what if it doesn’t work?
Well, part of the key is not waiting around forever for one guy, and not putting all your eggs in one basket at this early stage. Just keep hold of your confidence and keep moving.
The vast majority of men find themselves drawn to women with confidence. Be one of those women by affirming your own attractive qualities and assuming that the guy you’re interested in is also interested in you.
After all, you have a lot to offer the right guy. Focus on that instead of self-doubt.
I just want to preface this, but I am a gay man and I am in a similar situation to your posting in regards to “Not Sure If He Likes Me.”
I’ve met this guy and we’ve been talking for about a month now. Tonight we just concluded our fifth date and we’ve already been intimate on the third date. We also have our sixth day planned to go hiking together. On the first few dates I left, feeling incredible. I felt attractive, wanted, and seen though. , though, after the dopamine wore off, I encountered a lot of self-doubt.
I’m confident in my personality I know I am witty, charming, romantic at times, and pretty funny I struggle with my body image, which he tells me is attractive and his type. I am wet someone would call a “Bear” large bodied, broad shoulders, hairy and decently muscular, and for the most part, I feel as if I’m attractive when is comes to everything minus my torso.
I’m attempting to focus on those positive qualities as well as going out “for me” and not for “finding the love of my life,” but I’m really… really liking the chemistry that we have… I want to tell him that I’d want to be exclusive (I see him on the app at times and I do get jealous, which he has every right to do as he pleases, as do I,) but I tend to be monogamous when I date…essentially I need advise on when it’s appropriate to ask or tell him how I feel?
I’ve indicated that I enjoy being around him, that I like him, and I appreciate getting to know him more. I’m scared that I’m being lead on, even though the communication says otherwise. When is a good time to bring up exclusivity? What does Dating really mean in todays work? Is being monogamous a set up to be hurt? I could use some chicken noodle soup for my doubts, if you happen to have any to spare that is.
With much appreciation,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts and feelings. It’s evident that you are genuinely invested in this relationship and are experiencing a mix of emotions. It’s completely normal to feel self-doubt and confusion, especially in the early stages of a relationship.
Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge your self-awareness and the positive qualities you possess. Embracing your strengths and focusing on self-improvement is essential for your well-being, and it’s great that you’re making an effort to do that.
Regarding your concerns about exclusivity and the appropriate time to discuss it, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Each relationship is unique, and the best time to have that conversation depends on the individuals involved and the dynamics between them. Since you’ve been on several dates, it seems like a reasonable time to express your feelings and discuss your intentions for the relationship.
Here’s a suggested approach for discussing exclusivity:
Choose a comfortable, private setting where you both can talk openly.
Be honest and transparent about your feelings, explaining that you really enjoy the time you spend together and feel a strong connection.
Share your thoughts on exclusivity and monogamy, expressing your preference for a monogamous relationship.
Listen to his perspective and feelings, and be open to understanding his point of view.
Keep the conversation open-ended, without pressure or ultimatums.
Remember, dating means different things to different people, and there’s no definitive definition. It’s about exploring your compatibility, getting to know each other, and deciding whether you’d like to pursue a deeper relationship.
As for monogamy, it’s not inherently a setup for heartache. It’s about personal preference and finding someone who shares your values and relationship goals. If both partners are committed and communicate openly, a monogamous relationship can be fulfilling and rewarding.
Ultimately, trust your instincts and give yourself permission to be vulnerable. Open communication is key to building a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who appreciates and values you for who you are.