When you are upset, what does your guy do?
Does he listen to you…
Emotionally validate you…
And support you until you feel better?
Or does he vanish on you?
When you need him, he’s just not there.
If he WAS there, he’d just tell you not to get so upset.
He’d tell you to calm down.
He’d tell you what you should do to “fix your problem.”
You feel like you can’t trust him fully.
He’s there for you sometimes but not always.
You might even wonder what would happen if something major happened to you…
If you REALLY needed him…
And he wasn’t capable of being there for you emotionally.
Emotional disconnection is a huge problem in relationships.
It can cause even decades-long marriages to crumble.
That’s why you don’t want to ignore the signs.
Signs You’re Emotionally Disconnected
Are you experiencing any of these symptoms?
- Your guy doesn’t talk about or share his feelings.
- He doesn’t seem interested or seems distracted when you talk to him.
- He doesn’t notice when you’re upset.
- He doesn’t want to spend time with you like before.
- He doesn’t do the things that used to make you feel happy and loved.
- He won’t talk about any problems or issues.
- He doesn’t consider your needs.
- You feel lonely.
The next question you want to ask yourself is how long this has been going on.
All relationships go through periods where couples feel less connected than usual.
What usually happens is that you notice the lack of connection, then you take steps to feel close again.
But sometimes your guy won’t want to restore the connection.
He’ll resist your attempts to plan date night, have a romantic meal, or talk about things.
You start to worry he’s thinking about leaving you.
You become frantic. You HAVE to do something to get him back, or else your relationship will be doomed.
Let’s talk about the art of emotional connection.
But first, here’s what not to do…
Do NOT Do This
It feels like he’s the problem.
You’re the one doing all the work. You’re the one trying to get closer.
But when you say things like, “We don’t do anything together anymore,” or, “You never talk to me. I don’t know how you’re feeling…”
He pulls away even further.
It feels like you can’t even talk about it.
So you look for subtle ways of pulling him back…
Like sensuality or flirtation or mysteriousness.
Or showing him he could lose you by making him jealous.
Those techniques don’t work, because they put a Band-Aid over the real problem.
The REAL problem is that he doesn’t understand emotional connection in the same way you do…
And he may not realize how important it is to you.
The Art of Emotional Connection
Would you get mad at someone for not knowing how to drive a car if they’d never been taught?
Of course not!
But many women get angry at men for not knowing how to emotionally connect…
Even though men are hardly ever taught those skills.
Men don’t tend to sit down together with their male friends and have heart-to-hearts.
They don’t check in with each other’s feelings. Instead, they tease and swap stories and keep it light and fun.
(Ever wondered why your guy cracks a joke while you’re sharing painful feelings? This could be why.)
When men fall in love, they need to learn how to navigate the world of a woman’s feelings…
A world that is very different to theirs!
Although it’s obvious to you when he’s not showing up for you emotionally, he doesn’t always realize what’s required of him.
Understanding what he did wrong is so confusing and frustrating that many men shut down. They pull back. They refuse to talk about it and make things even worse.
How to Feel Close Again
Instead of seeing HIM as the problem, it can help to see this as an opportunity to learn and understand each other better.
Tell him how amazing it feels when you’re connected.
Tell him that you’ve been missing that feeling. You’re not sure why it’s gone, but you want to get it back again.
Would he help you?
These are some things he can do that would make you feel so much closer to him.
Tell him it makes you feel SO great when he does those things.
Then spell out exactly what you want him to do, even if it means giving him the words you want him to say.
Men appreciate knowing how they can “win” in their relationship.
It’s so much easier than trying to guess what you want.
What do you wish your guy would do for you?
Can you share that with him today?