It’s not fair.
What he’s doing to you isn’t right.
You’ve been nothing but wonderful to him. You’ve been there for him. You’ve put aside your own needs. You’ve been patient.
And he doesn’t even try to change.
Well, sometimes he tries. When he does, it’s amazing. It’s like the relationship you always imagined. He could be the best boyfriend in the world if he wanted to.
But it never lasts.
He goes back to behaving exactly like he always does.
Your friends tell you that you should give him an ultimatum. Shape up or ship out. You don’t have to put up with this.
But you know exactly what will happen if you do that…
He’ll walk out on you.
You don’t want to lose this relationship. You want to fix it. You want to make it better.
Obviously, He’s the Problem
I see this so often…
The woman wants to fix the relationship, the guy thinks everything is fine the way it is, and they end up fighting.
She has this idea in her head of a beautiful, loving relationship—the kind of relationship she’s always dreamed about—and she’s found this man she THINKS is the one…
Only to discover he’s not on board with her vision.
It’s like he’s got something you really, REALLY want…
And he’s refusing to give it to you.
It feels like you’re THIS close to happiness, and the only thing standing in your way is him.
We want so much from the person we love.
We want them to love us like no one has ever loved us before.
We want them to be our steady rock in times of trouble.
We want them to be loyal and honest and never betray us.
Instead, we end up with a flawed human being.
Someone who hurts us. Who lets us down. Who doesn’t agree with us about the things that matter.
How do we deal with this feeling that love has been nothing but a great big disappointment?
All you want to do is love him, but he makes you so MAD.
You’re the Solution
When your guy makes you mad, the only thing that can help—or so it seems—is to hear him apologize and promise to change.
If he would just say, “Sorry, I won’t do that again,” all would be forgiven.
But he won’t.
He just digs his heels in.
That’s when you need to take your power back. Let me show you what I mean…
Anger can empower, or anger can victimize.
It can energize you to make changes, or it can trap you in outrage and resentment.
When all he does is make you mad, you have to ask yourself:
“Where is my power in this situation?”
What can YOU do?
What changes can you make for yourself?
You Have All the Power You Need
We often focus so much of our energy on the other person in the relationship that we forget to consider what WE can do.
What if you assumed that you have no control over him—you can’t make him change—but you have 100% control over what you do next?
What decision(s) could you make that would shift things in a better direction than the one you’re going in now?
As you consider where your power lies in this situation, momentarily set aside any fears about how he’ll react or how he’ll feel.
Dig deep into what YOU want.
If his thoughts and feelings weren’t a factor, what would you do?
In relationships, we get used to thinking about the future from the perspective of being a couple. We want what’s best for both of us.
But when a relationship isn’t working, it can help to take a step back and get in touch with yourself again.
You aren’t just one half of a couple.
You are still the woman you were before you got together. You lived an entire life before you met him. You had hopes and dreams that weren’t attached to this particular man.
Do you remember who you were, before this relationship consumed so much of your time and energy?
Do you remember what you wanted? What you did for yourself? What you prioritized?
What would that woman tell you about this relationship?
What would the “old you” tell you to do?
I’ll bet she wouldn’t tell you to keep waiting on him to change.
She’d tell you to be happy. To value yourself. To not let a man stop you from living life the way you want to live it.
You have all the power you need in this situation.
Sure, you don’t have the power to change him.
But you have the power to do something new.
What are you going to use your power to create?