There’s a way to fascinate a man’s mind. It’s very simple and it works.
I’m going to tell you that method and show you how to use it. But let’s first consider the point of conversation.
(By the way, I have a special report on conversation topics that fascinate men every time. If that would be useful in your romantic life, you can access it here.)
A man spots you in a corridor and walks up to you, clearly intending to engage you in conversation. What are his possible motives?
Some people make the mistake of classifying the purpose of all communication into just two categories:
- To gather information.
- To convey information.
But as a sophisticated student of relationships, you already know this list is incomplete. Because it’s missing all those unspoken motivations people bring to conversations.
I’m talking about meta-goals.
His unspoken meta-goal during conversation with you could be
- to impress you,
- entertain you,
- seduce you,
- network with you,
- or even to make his girlfriend jealous across the room.
These are goals that may not have much to do with the actual words spoken during a conversation.
But let’s not stop here, because there’s one more reason people seek conversation, and it’s the most important one of all. Especially if you want to win his heart, mind, and devotion for life.
People crave conversation with those who are most capable of seeing the world as they do.
Our deepest longing is to connect with another person so we feel less alone. So we can share this experience of life with them and enjoy the oneness of companionship that gives significance to our short lives.
That’s why the best conversations cannot be defined by the content of the conversation itself. Rather, what matters is a moment in time when two people look out at the world almost as one, sharing an unfolding story. Experiencing a moment together, while being a witness to the other person’s life.
Here is the meta-message we crave to hear from another person…
I see you. I bear witness to the fact that you exist. I am here with you. We are together. You are not alone. You matter. Because you matter to me.
These are not spoken words, but something more. Something that shows up in the space between your words.
In this, we find a deep need met through romance. We seek a partner who can give us that kind of experience. That kind of life. One that has been witnessed by another. A story built together over many years.
Many seek a partner who can provide this kind of magic. Few find it. Because too many of us are self-absorbed, fearful, angry, driven to achieve, or whatever else. We become easily distracted, but the need for this deepest form of conversation never goes away.
Seek it with your partner. Seek it from the moment you meet. Build it into the fabric of your bond as the years unfold.
Always on your side,
James
P.S. I’ll be sharing more about this important topic later today. Stay tuned.
This was by far one of the most heartfelt and beautifully written pieces I’ve seen lately, possibly in several years! Oh, how I long for my husband of 20 years to say even one sentence similar! Good luck! He tells me he loves me, always has. He used to be a lot more romantic though: complimenting me on my dress, my hair or telling me he thought I was gorgeous. Every holiday, a mushy card with a small paragraph of his own sweet words. Now, he writes: “I love you”,which is sweet, don’t get me wrong. He doesn’t compliment me anymore, ever. He stopped wearing his wedding ring. He has a ring tattoo on that finger, but, still. That’s not the point. I miss the dates, the long weekends, the sweet gestures. If I bring it up, in a recalling how fun or special it was kind of way, he gets mad (hurt underneath) and yells!. He knows what I’m doing. I don’t know how to get the sweetness back! It was only 3 years ago I believe he loves me. Seems he doesn’t feel like “trying” so hard anymore! I am all sorts of appreciative. Almost like he knows he’s GOT me, what’s the point of knocking himself out? I’ve heard men are simple creatures. I beg to differ!
Hi Elle,
I think you might benefit from the special report called Get Him Working. It might be just what you need.
Best wishes,
Tracey
I have found this very helpful. Many of the things you’ve shared have helped me to understand the man I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with.
I like what I hear & would like to try…but I am skeptical that it would work at all! Because I always believe that it takes two to tango! I can try Allan’s day and do all I want, but if he refuses to participant in any of this, it ain’t going to work! Plus if he thinks that’s really nothing wrong I think he relationship, he just refuses to change or go along with whatever counselling/tips that could change this silent, boring relationship! So I am not convinced at this point but am interested to hear what you think about my opinion that this doesn’t work as it takes two to tango, thx!
This is beautiful. It confirms my lifetime partnership goals and work goals in one!
We do seek magic!
Please do! This is the type of conversational understanding I need. I know for myself, this seems perfect and would be what I would like conveyed to me. In a time that is so over scheduled, just this simple understanding, a wink and we will catch up later.
But it’s this sweet connection that I grow most desirous for.
I am really confused. It took over 3 years for my boyfriend to ask me out. We dated and have been in a relationship for 6 months. He stopped seeing me. He will only text on his terms but sadly will not call or see me. I don’t know why. His texting is getting less. I don’t want to loose him.