People will judge you for trying hard.
I did it just the other day. I was standing in line at Walmart. The line was moving slow, and I couldn’t help but notice something.
Walmart had invested in 30 cash registers, yet only two of them were open.
I snickered at how stupid Walmart is. Then I remembered something.
I’m standing in line because they accomplished something difficult. They managed to give me the best price in town. And still make a profit.
Maybe they’re not so stupid.
Maybe having only two cash registers open helps them keep prices down.
They try hard. I have to admire that.
But a lot of “cool people” snicker at those of us who try hard. Giving up and being pessimistic is cool to these people.
Sorry, but that’s not my definition of cool.
Cool is trying hard even if you might fall on your face. Cool is trying again even after you’ve failed several times before.
Cool is the boyfriend who still holds doors open, tells his girlfriend she’s beautiful, and offers to carry things for her while showing respect. Those are real men. They try hard.
Don’t be afraid to try hard. You’ll attract the kind qualities you build up in yourself.
If you want a man who will try hard, someone who will overcome obstacles in the relationship so he can keep loving you, then look for this one quality: Rejection of cynicism.
Someone who’s not afraid to openly talk about what he wants. Someone who’s not too cool to try. Not too cool to admit some things are worth caring about.
But should you always try hard?
They say life is a balance between holding on and letting go.
Caught in a windstorm, a butterfly may have to release its grip on the branch it was clinging to. Or else its wings could be torn off by the intensity of the wind.
The butterfly must go with the flow. Allow the wind to take control. Stop resisting.
But that’s not the same thing as giving up. When the wind dies down, the butterfly can resume its journey.
I was amazed when I first learned that monarchs migrate thousands of miles each year to gather at a specific location in Mexico. They seem too delicate for that long journey.
But somehow, they manage. Apparently, they try hard. One day life might blow them off course. The next day they’re moving toward their goal again.
Trying hard says something about you. It says you value something. Something is meaningful enough to be worth your effort.
You’re not too cool to embrace something good… even if it’s hard to achieve it. Even if you fall on your face a few times.
Even if you sometimes have to let go and let the wind blow you off course for a while.
Relationships are among those things I value. I think it’s worth trying hard to have a brilliant relationship.
If you read my blog, you probably agree. And in my mind, that makes you special. So I encourage you to look for a man who shares that special quality.
Find meaning. Embrace life. Try hard.
Always on your side,
James Bauer
Thank you this came at a time I really needed to hear it, it has helped very much, again thank you
My husband is having an affair with a married woman. He says his heart is somewhere else. He says he’s felt like this for a while. Which was a shock as I had no idea. We have 3 kids together. The sad part is , now I know, he doesn’t seem to care that they are texting each other in front of me. I feel like he’s got his cake and eating it too. I love him, but It’s killing be knowing he’s texting and god knows what else. I don’t know what to do.
Move on. It will only be extreme heartbreak for you. He doesn’t deserve you, respect you or value you. You deserve an emotional attraction, a high quality man. Ask God to bring you a Godly Man, kind, generous, gentle, Loving, cheerful, joyful, playful, trustworthy, honorable, faithful. You are a woman of excellence. The covenant and trust is broken. Been down this road for two years I fought for my marriage and my husband used my heart of Jesus against me, my faith against me. Lying and manipulating me. He was sleeping with two women for two years. Now he’s worried about that. He told me a lie that the first woman in flight school he was never with her sexually. I have a receipt from Pandora for $2000 airplane trinket cross. and other trinkets. He’s worried that this woman who works at his job as his dispatcher is going to find out. He was sleeping with the other woman too. I gave them to God. I’m no longer spiritual advisor, wife confidant caregiver counselor.
Moving forward God has a better plan for me. I’m trusting him I will never trust him again. I’ve sent him a goodbye letter, Christian letter I no longer want in my life is toxic. I told God not my will be done in his life, but your will be done in his life.
Do not be a door mat to be stepped all over – tell him to pack his bags and get out. Do some self love, do things that make you feel special, up grade your appearance style, your hair, exercise, wear cloths that attracted him when you first met, get a job and show him you are a women that can stand on her own. And treat him as if he doesn’t exist. He is ghosting and gaslighting you when he is on his phone talking to another women. He does not deserve your love.
The guy I’m talking to is hung up on a woman that he dated that is 20 years older than him and they have been apart for three years. When we first started talking, we had great conversation talk during the day a lot saw each other a lot in person, but then it was like a light switch that turned off and he just stopped trying. He says he fears not be able to live up to my expectations. And he has put in little effort ever since. He told me if she would take him back he would go back with her. Am I just wasting my time?
Yes.
Hi Melissa,
Thanks so much for your comment! Your situation sounds complicated and I feel like you’d greatly benefit from being a part of our community and some back and forth consultation. I recommend that you bring it up in our private forum where we have actual relationship coaches on staff to answer questions and give advice. To access this forum, you would need to sign up for the Irresistible Insiders Club.
Within this private community, you can also ask questions and share experiences with like-minded women and our most advanced members. This way you can get extra real-time feedback and support for your unique situation.
Warm wishes,
Tracey T.
You are & you know it but you are clinging to the branch afraid to let go, but it is YOUR wings that are getting damaged.
The male that I am attracted to is from Liberia. He knows I like him a whole lot. We’ve only talked on the phone. Prior to that we worked together at a facility. We were starting to have a friendship. His girlfriend had things to do with her kids so they didn’t get together on his birthday. I’ve never invited him to my house in the 2-3 years we’ve known each other. I am a older woman who has not had sexual relationships for 7 years. I would like for my first time to be with this younger man. He says he’s interested in me and likes older women. He has never asked me out for coffee or dinner or to the gym, to the movies or anywhere. I am physically attracted to his perfect body. We were talking on the phone and something happened. He called me after work as I was on my way to the store. I told him that I made it to the store and I was getting ready to go in and that I would call him when I left the store. He knows that I have 3 teenager sons. What he didn’t know was that I have 2 goddaughter’s. All he never knew about was my 3 son’s. He called me afterwards and was very quiet and told me he was sleepy. He finally went to sleep on me and I held the phone and time went by and I guess he was sleeping because he never said anything else. So I hung up and went to bed myself. He has not responded to my text messages, I’ve called him and he doesn’t have a voicemail. I have not communicated with him in 5 days. He is mad about something but he will not say. At this point I have blocked his phone number. I have enough going on in my life right now to play games with a person I view as a very close friend. I’ve asked him what’s wrong and he kept saying I’m just tired. Didn’t want to talk about it and didn’t want to get off the phone. When he finally stopped responding to me, he was sleeping. So after awhile I couldn’t get him to say anything so I hung my phone up and went to sleep. He stop responding to my text messages, I don’t know what is the issues he’s dealing with. I have been trying to reach him for 5 days. I’m done and no more text messages or phone calls. My time and my feelings are not being valuable to him. I have blocked him from my phone because if he doesn’t have enough respect for me to respond, he’s not a true friend anyway.
He is not worth your time and energy.you will meet the one for you. Stay strong x
I enjoy your feedback!!
Hi,I have been looking for a relationship with someone. I had a arranged marriage, I married 1 year and 4 months, I barely knew him. He was only interested in immigration.
I only man I loved was when I was teenager, he died in a car accident, there was a chance he was murdered. It broke my heart, we knew each other at an early age. It was very traumatized by it,I ended up having a mental illness. It took me years to remember what happened. My brain was fogged without any memory of him. Well, now I am trying to start over again. It’s been 25 years since then. I don’t know where to start, I am trying my best. I am trying to get over my shyness, and talk to people. But, I am not finding the right person.
Sounds like you are finding the right path iOne step at a time. Don’t run. You couldmis step and slide back. Remember -there is a light at the end of the tunnel, just be sure it is not the head light of an in coming train.
I thought or hoped my husbznd wa the one. He developed chronic Bupolar depression and after suide discussions decided he needed to get to know more women. He has some lady friends but they are as insecure and screwed up as he. Me? I am looking for good male friend. Romance would be good but friendship is even better. Unfortunately I keep looking in the wrong places, like online chat group of shared interests. I am ok by myself though company is super. I just keep waiting for a better guy. I hoope he shows up soon as I am getting older day by day.