Have you ever tried really hard to ensure he has a good time with you…
Hoping it would make him more serious about you?
It doesn’t work. At least, not very well.
It doesn’t work because the desire to have fun is not the same thing as the desire to commit. They come from different places in a man’s heart. A man can really enjoy being with a fun woman but still not want to commit his future to her.
To get serious about a woman, a man has to snap out of “fun mode” and snap into a different mode. It takes more than a good time to trigger his desire to commit.
In the early stages of dating, you have two goals:
You want to see if you can have fun together, and you want to get to know one another.
So you go out together. You talk. You see how fun it is to be together. You learn how much you have in common.
That’s enough for a casual relationship. But it’s not enough for a serious relationship.
Before you can get serious, you need to know something else:
“Can we work alongside one another?”
Work is the polar opposite to play. You could say it’s the opposite of dating.
Dates are all about having fun. They’re like mini-vacations from everyday life. Dates don’t get bogged down in problems and crises and deadlines.
Dates are not anything like real life. Real life is as much work as play. Maybe more.
But work isn’t bad. We need work in order to thrive. Heck, even paradise includes work in the equation for happiness. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve had work to do. We enjoy life more when we have a purpose.
Although it would be nice if relationships could hang out in date-world forever, they have to descend to reality at some point. When they do, they need to work.
Let me show you how to use this to your advantage.
Solid relationships are built on a partnership. Partners work together. Sure, they have fun together as well, but their working relationship is about getting things done.
If you’re thinking of making a life together, you have to be able to get things done. Your ability to work together as a couple is paramount.
You can predict a man’s ability to commit from how much effort he’s willing to put into a relationship. If he thinks relationships should be fun and easy, then he’s not going to stick around when things get difficult.
What will he do when something tough comes up in your personal life, or it becomes hard to find time to meet up? Will he make the effort, or will he make excuses?
Instead of waiting for a crisis to reveal his true intentions, strengthen your relationship now by incorporating some “work” along with fun dates.
See if he’s willing to get involved in routine, mundane chores. Ask him to help moving boxes, mowing the lawn, or assembling something. You might ask him to look over a project you’re doing or a technological issue you’re having. Consider anything that highlights his strength, intelligence, or masculine prowess.
Ideally, he’ll be flattered at this invitation to become part of your life on a deeper level. If not, then he may not be ready for greater commitment.
For an even stronger boost, take on a project together.
It could be something like volunteering. Or campaigning for a candidate or a cause together. You might want to take on a redecoration project or put in a garden.
You’ll be astounded at how close you feel after accomplishing something meaningful together. When you stand side by side and see what you built or achieved together, the feeling of connection is mind-blowing.
Better than a weekend away at the beach?
No wonder so many co-workers fall in love. The working relationship creates a special bond. You get to see how one another reacts under stress. You must depend on one another to achieve your goals. You share the glow of achievement.
Couples that work well together stay together.
And it’s not all dry drudgery. When you’re sweating alongside someone you care about, hard work can be a lot of fun.
So don’t jump to conclusions about a man’s potential just because you have a blast together. Wait to see how well you work together before concluding he’ll make a good long-term partner.
Thanks James, I’ve never thought of the idea of work with him. I’m excited to look at my dating life differently now.
Wow! I never thought of this idea James!! Thank you! I always look forward to your readings and your dating tip ideas 🙂 All are extremely helpful!!!
I have always done that. It makes real clear who is just in for the fun rather than invest in a future. I remember one time helping someone plant a bunch of flowers tulip bulbs which of course don’t come up till next spring and I said I better be around when they come up next spring or I’m going to be coming over and making myself a bouquet. He said you’ll be around next spring and I was!
It is what I am doing. Because I instinctively felt that’s a better check of life. So good to find a clear conception of the idea.
All the best to all…
This is great, James..Thanks
Thank you James. I always look forward to your comments. I have never thought of working with someone. I always went the fun route. I have a lot to think about. My brain is shifting. Thank you!
Great point of view and oh so true.
What a great article. Thanks James! I’m excited to take this advice.
I’m glad you like it, Vicky. I hope you find it useful in your relationship world.