Do you feel awkward when someone pays you a genuine complement?
Do you experience a sudden increase in self-consciousness?
Do you stammer or say nothing while averting your gaze?
Do you hit the person that complimented you and accuse him of lying (in a childish attempt to appear humble)?
Do you tell him to “shut up” or “save it” as if he is secretly poking fun at you instead of actually expressing admiration?
If you regularly engage in any of these types of responses, I have some highly sophisticated advice for you: STOP IT!!!
If you have already developed the social grace needed to receive a compliment well, please excuse me while I reach out a hand to those who never had the benefit of a good teacher in this particularly rare social skill.
To receive a compliment well, you need only do three things:
1. Maintain eye contact with the person that complimented you
2. Thank them
3. Show pleasure rather than pain on your face
These are rather simple steps, but few people respond this way instinctively. Do you know why you should look at the person who complimented you? It’s because looking at them is the simplest way of acknowledging them. It takes courage to complement someone. If you don’t acknowledge them and thank them, they will feel uncertain about what just happened.
Here’s an interesting fact. We like people who like us. Many sophisticated research studies have been conducted to test this theory, and they all point to one fact. If we believe someone likes us, we naturally like them back.
This is another reason why it’s important to show pleasure on your face when someone compliments you. Don’t act as if they are putting you on the spot and making you feel awkward. Instead, act as if they just made your day.
No one will think you are being haughty or stuck up when you smile and thank someone for offering a compliment. And that’s true even if the complement is an exaggeration. Just accept it and let them feel good about having done something nice for you.
Developing this skill is important. Men who are emotionally mature will be looking for a woman who is emotionally mature. Being able to receive a compliment well is a foundational skill for demonstrating emotional maturity and class.
Have a great day!
You’re right James, I complement people all the time even if I do not know them. It works too. But need more help because I have done a few things wrong in a relationships but working on it. Wish I knew what you have been telling me, years ago! It would have saved a lot of relationships but guess what it’s never too late to do it now.
Thank you. I never do it right. I was told I am my worse enemy. I think I have to point out how that just. Cant be true. Have I been wrong. My boyfriend calls me his beautiful queen. I don’t feel that way. He is younger and I want to joke and tell him how long have you been needing glasses. But *I can’t respond with looking in his eyes. We have been texting for 4 months . states and states away. In fact just pictures. I will forever appreciate your wise advice from this day forward. I enjoy your gems of wisdom. We all do James.
For the eye-contact, have you tried video chats yet?
Though never “taught” to do so, watching my mother was all I needed. So gracious and considerate of the thoughtful words…
Give someone a compliment today. Sincerely find something you like, admire, notice about them. Make their day and yours!
James Thank you. I am 51 and never did it right. Reading this gave me flashbacks of how many times I do it incorrectly. Definitely going to make this improvement.
Absolutely right on time!!! Thank you! This in fact, made my day!
I can’t wait to try this!!!
As always,great advice! I am sometimes stumped by peoples compliments, & i’m thinking “you’re kiddin!” Awhile ago a lady complimented me, saying i look as young as my almost 17 year old daughter, and i seriously didnt know how to respond! I was flattered! But i thought “r u kiddin me?!??” And i could tell that she felt bad about my flustered response. Its been bugging me for months! I am so shy so i seriously dont like compliments from strangers, but i’ll take your advice and practice and next time i get a compliment, i’ll know how to make the complimenter feel good:)
I have learned to thank someone if they compliment me,
I use to just blush a bit and compliment them back, I still do but I thank them first
Thank you James for the precious tips that you sent in your email, I just love you. I am just a transformed betrayed wife now, I feel confident and motivated with your tips. Thank you once again