When I was in high school, there was a girl named Stephanie who had it all. She was tall with a pretty face and a nice figure.
Her dad was one of the richest guys in town and gave her the choice of any brand-new car she wanted for her sixteenth birthday. Nearly all the popular guys in our school stood in line for their turn to date her.
I did not stand in line.
If you asked me if she was an attractive person, I would have said “yes” without a second thought. However, I was not attracted to the idea of myself in her presence. She was taller than me by a good inch. She wore clothes that made mine look shabby.
And the worst thing was her silly way of interacting with people. I was very serious during my high school years, and I took pride in the accomplishments I was already pursuing at that early age.
Stephanie liked to engage people with as much silly banter as she could. It’s not that I couldn’t see the value of that playful style of interaction; it’s just that it didn’t play to my strong suit.
I could imagine myself feeling awkward and unlikable compared to her when trying to interact with her friends. In contrast, my friends looked up to me for my tendency to deeply consider questions before responding. I had my silly side too, but I wouldn’t want to be that version of myself twenty-four-seven.
Here’s what I’m getting at…
When I am attracted to you, it means I want more of you in my life. Even beyond that though, attraction means I enjoy being me when I am in your presence.
I don’t know if you have noticed this, but you change depending on who you are spending time with.
Some people draw out one facet of your personality while other people pull for another facet of your personality. Like a diamond with many facets carved into the stone, the light you reflect back at others changes depending on your surroundings.
“Some people are so much sunshine per square inch.” That’s a quote from Walt Whitman. His statement captures so much truth. I personally like myself better when I am in the company of people who have that special “sunshine” quality.
The sunshine quality is very different than the silly quality. You can be reserved in your demeanor yet beaming with sunshine as someone approaches you to strike up a conversation.
It’s not that I like a sunny kind of person more than I like a sad person. I love them both; but I like myself better when I spend time with a woman who has that special sort of “sunshine” quality.
“Live life as a monument to your soul.”
Ayn Rand
Here’s the number-one reason why I think you should consider how a potential partner brings out various facets of your own personality. My reasoning is reflected in the quote above. I want my soul to shine as I live my life. Therefore, I want to choose a partner who will help my soul to genuinely shine.
Does this make sense to you? Do you only look at the qualities and characteristics of a potential partner, or do you consider how they magnify or dull the radiance of your own best qualities?
Always on your side,
James
I am 74 and a widow who tried finding another man in my life since I do not attend bars or other social events that includes drinking. Each time I get interested in someone, I find out he is not honest with me. Some weee potential scammers which I was made aware but saved from being scammed. Question: where do I meet honest men who want along term relationship that would turn into marriage? I was married for 43 yrs before my husband died. I value myself and can say have a healthy outlook on life.
James, I’m heartbroken 💔 James. I met this incredible guy. Things were going great. We were connecting on a level that I had never felt before. He told me he was falling in love with me. Then he told me another woman had been texting him. My previous ex and my xhusband cheated on me. Ever since he told me about her my insecurities then took over. I became needy, clingy and he became distracted and distant. But was still making future plans for us. Monday he told me that he doesn’t have the feelings of moving forward. We’ve talked once since to make arrangements to do the awkward exchange of stuff. Which should be next week sometime. But I’m giving him his space.
I have been married for 32 years to a man I love. When we first got together, he was so loving and kind. The last few years have been really hard. He calls me a nag when all I want to do is talk to him about problems we are having. I try not to be a nag and see that sometimes in trying to solve a problem he might have thought I was criticize him. I just seems that I have become the maid. Doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore.
Had a bad experience with him. He had a 20-year-old working at our convivence store. He started to get really friendly with her. Giving her rides in a car he bought after work, asked her to go to a car show when I couldn’t, asked her to come out to our farm and other things. I told him that really wasn’t okay with me. Told me I didn’t let him have friends. She was sitting with him at the end of her shift while he was doing books. She thought he was just being friendly and like a father figure to talk to. Well one night when I was gone to our daughters, he asked her to come to our house to pay her for sex. Was drunk (he’s an alcoholic) and has been sober for years until this night. When I got back, I went to the store to drop off some supplies I had picked up and she told me. Also told me he had been hitting on her for weeks. She quit a few days later. When I confronted him, he said well sex hadn’t been good between us and to chalk it up as mid-life crisis. He is the one who hasn’t wanted to have sex with me, and half the time has trouble getting it up. Later he came up with the excuse that he was trying to scare her into not sleeping around. My husband is 69 years old more than 40 years older than her. Took no responsibility for what happened, didn’t apologize to me or see how bad he hurt me. I don’t want to end our marriage. I am reading your book I bought from you and trying really hard. I just feel like all of this is so one sided. I am trying to be more supportive of him and not be what he calls a nag. I really don’t think he loves me anymore. I really need to have him talk to me about why this happened and what we can do to make it better, but he won’t and gets mad when I bring it up. What can I do as bad as it is I really do love him? His health isn’t good, and I really don’t want to leave him. I want to make this work, but it seems so one sided. I appreciate you listening to this. Can’t tell the kids as they are his stepchildren, and I don’t want them to hate him. He never goes to see them with me, or out to supper or anything like that. If it isn’t his idea, he won’t do it.