James Bauer’s Texting Tip of the Week
“What do you think I should do about _______?”
Asking for his opinion shows you’re interested in what he thinks. Asking his advice shows you trust him.
Using this phrase will cause him to feel valued and more a part of your life.
Examples:
“What do you think I should do about the gym membership?”
“What do you think I should do about my mom calling all the time?”
“What do you think I should do about Ann?”
Warning:
Worried that you might not use his advice on a particular topic? Find a safer one. You don’t need to listen to him every time. But if you make a habit of asking and then ignoring him, he’s likely to feel frustrated eventually.
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Unfortunately, in the first text that I sent to this fellow I like, I asked whether he thought “car camping” alone was safe in the upper Pennisula, an area he loves. I told him where I had read about car camping for women, including the web address so he could read the article for himself.I asked he thought about the idea for me as I really wished to see the area. so I could see the area. I had told him that I TRUSTED his opinion and ADVICE. I waited but he never texted me back! I must have done something wrong. Poops, but I tried!
This advice is great and all, but what if the man in your life has a covert narcissistic personality disorder and is emotionally incapable of caring about the feelings of anyone but himself. When you come to realize EVERYTHING has all been a lie… They push you away and try to lure you back in. The self destruct and try to blame it all on everyone or everything around them. You open up to them and they use against you at a later time.
Personality disorders are more common than you’d think.
These tips can actually be incredibly harmful when dealing with someone like that. Especially if if you haven’t realized the type of person your dealing with yet!
All I’m saying is to please be careful. Not all people are capable of human emotion in the same way we understand it.
Hi SaltyGirl,
Your comment reminds me of an article from James that I want you to read. It is called The Narcissist Test: 13 Questions That Reveal If You’re Dating a Narcissist.
I hope it helps in creating a brighter future for yourself and all who read it. You ALL deserve to be treated well.
Best,
Tracey
You are absolutely right. I have personally experienced. It hurts and it puts you on a defensive mode, because you don’t know whether whatever you’re saying will be used against, yet in your mind, it was an honest conversation. Narcissistic personality is hard to deal with, because as you have said it, it is all about themselves.
Agree, but that isn’t my issue. How do I get over the love of my life who moved away almost 1-1:2 years ago.
If he is truly the love of your life, you don’t get over him. But, if you cannot be together then you have to go on without him…
Do what you need to do to forget about him and find someone who wants to be with you.
Shift your focus from him to you. Find things to do that inspire you, things you find passion in. Pour all that love into yourself. The rest will work itself out. Dwelling on something that no longer is only hurts you.
What do you do if you net your sole mate but he is married, cares for you but has kid still in school and does not want to loose him and all he has worked for? We have been best friends for 16 years then we connected with more than friends during covid.
Hi Sue,
Thanks so much for your comment! Your situation sounds complicated and I feel like you’d greatly benefit from being a part of our community and some back and forth consultation. I recommend that you bring it up in our private forum where we have actual relationship coaches on staff to answer questions and give advice. To access this forum, you would need to sign up for the Irresistible Insiders Club.
Within this private community, you can also ask questions and share experiences with like-minded women and our most advanced members. This way you can get extra real-time feedback and support for your unique situation.
Warm wishes,
Tracey T.