Hey, it’s James again. Here’s day 2 of your 14 day attraction tips course.
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Today I’m going to remind you of something you already know. Something important but easily forgotten. Something that tugs at a man’s heart.
They are the things that make you smile when you think of him. The things that made you fall in love with him.
They were there when you first met him. Thatâs why you said yes when he asked you out.
They are the things hidden in his heart that you admire, appreciate and trust. Itâs a beautiful thing when you first recognize those gems in his character.
Basically, thatâs what falling in love is. Itâs seeing into another person’s heart and desiring what you find there.
But then you hit a snag.
When we first begin a relationship with someone, weâre attracted to the possibility of what the relationship could become. It’s an exciting new adventure.
As that possibility becomes a reality, itâs intoxicating⊠for a while. And then the intoxication seems to fade.
Usually, it fades for one person sooner than it does for the other person. And it fades because you get used to the things that initially made your partner seem special.
When that magical feeling becomes an everyday feeling, itâs easy to stop looking for potential in your partner. Instead, you fixate on the ways heâs different from you, the things you donât like. And you can easily forget all about the things that initially attracted you to him.
In a long-term relationship, itâs normal for the feelings of infatuation to come and go. When feelings of infatuation are low, you stop fixating on the things you find attractive about him. You see him as a normal person. The sense that heâs âperfectâ reveals itself to be an illusion.
When that illusion breaks, the magic withers and some relationships die.
If thatâs happened to you, I have some good news. Recovering that special connection isnât all that difficult.
If you want the best relationship possible, in the beginning and for the long-haul, take this advice. Keep on looking for the qualities in him you most enjoy, desire and respect. Finding them once isnât enough. Trust me, if you donât keep looking for them, youâll forget about them.
And then something terrible happens. Problems become the focus of the relationship. And that slowly poisons the magic of your romantic connection.
So never stop looking for what’s good in the relationship, and in him. Search the mind and heart of your partner diligently and often. And when you see something beautiful in him, acknowledge it out loud. Let him know you appreciate him.
When you do that, two things happen.
First, as you rediscover the things in him that resonate with you, youâll feel the electric excitement of possibility all over again. Youâll feel alive. Youâll feel desire, and youâll want to follow that feeling on a journey that brings you closer to him again and again.
Heâll sense that positive energy in you and be attracted to it.
And here’s the second thing that will happen.
Youâll also be encouraging him to show you more of the qualities that made you fall in love with him in the first place. Usually, those are the same qualities that make him feel happy and fully alive. So it’s like you bring out the best in him when you look for what you like.
And here’s the magic that seals the deal…
He will like the version of himself that he finds in your presence. And that will make him want to spend more time with you.
You will essentially reawaken and reinforce the special qualities that cause attraction between the two of you.
If you do this from the beginning of a relationship, youâll not only keep the flames of passion burning hot, but youâll build a more solid foundation, as well.
What it comes down to is this. No matter how strong the initial magic feels, loving someone is a choice. So choose to love the best you can find in him. Don’t let frustration or setbacks become the focus of your attention.
Everything you fell in love with is still there, hidden in his heart. Seek it out, and never stop telling him what you find.
Hi James! I met my current boyfriend on a religious dating website. We’re both in our mid-50s. We live about 10 states apart so have had a long distance relationship. It’s been 4 months. He’s been going through big health issues from an accident since we met. It’s been really hard. I visited him in person last month and it went really well. I have alot of feelings for him but get the feeling he’s not as into me as I am him. I have to wonder if this type of relationship is doomed to failure?!
Hi, Loretta. It’s possible that he may be dealing with his health issues and that’s affecting his ability to be as emotionally present as you are. By communicating openly about what you need from him, you may be able to work towards building a stronger connection.
In terms of the long distance aspect of your relationship, it can certainly be challenging. But long distance relationships can be successful if you work toward a future where you live in the same area. One strategy that may be helpful is to set clear expectations and goals for the relationship. Discuss how often would ideally be visiting each other, and what obstacles you would have to overcome together to make it happen. This approach makes it feel less like blaming and more like teamwork to build something more satisfying for both of you. By setting clear expectations, you can help ensure that both of you are on the same page and working towards the same goals.
It’s also important to focus on building a strong emotional connection, even if you are physically apart. Make time to talk regularly and engage in activities that you both enjoy beyond just talking. Ask him to share his thoughts, feelings, and experiences with you. And tell him why. Tell him about the positive emotions you feel when he does, and remind him that it’s good for his emotional wellbeing to confide in someone during this period of stress. This can help you build a stronger bond and feel more connected, even if you are not physically together.
Ultimately, every relationship is unique, and there are no guarantees of success. However, by communicating openly, setting clear expectations, and working towards building a strong emotional connection, you can increase the likelihood of success in your relationship. Relationships are difficult to cultivate from a distance, but with the right mindset and approach, they can be incredibly rewarding. Best of luck to you!
James
So, he just now broke up with me. He doesn’t think he can really get to know and love me from a distance. Sigh! I used your texting advise and sent him a question that made him realize he doesn’t really have feelings for me even though he has said he did in the past. Well, guess I’m back to square 1. đ
James! This is exactly what I needed to hear⊠and be reminded of. Probably the best advice Iâve read so far. There is no âone size fits allâ when it comes to relationships, mine is no exception. However, Iâd say this is definitely a âone size fits mostâ.
Thank you.
Hey James, I live in the US and got married to a man from Ghana, at first our romance was great and I couldn’t wait for him to get residency in the US… fast forward, he came into the US in 2020 and I immediately sensed a disconnect, I have tried to no avail to find out what the issue was but all I got was empty promises and lies… admittedly, during arguments I tend to go from zero to a hundred real fast and my mouth has no filter. He has however expressed that some things I have said have cause his mind to think differently of me. He told me recently that he doesn’t like sex, our sex life has gone out the door. I know he is lying and believe that he may even be cheating. I have taken responsibility for most of my actions and have even adjusted my behavior but he still is disconnected. It’s like we are stuck and there is no moving forward. I need my marriage but I am the only one fighting for it…
Ummm⊠he married you for a green card. What exactly is it youâre failing to understand? Sorry to be so brutal, but I think you need to face the reality of the situation and not try to make excuses for his behavior. This is a story as old as time⊠Iâm sorry this happened to you. Iâm sorry youâre financially responsible for him for the next ten years or so. It happened to a close friend of mine. Marrying a foreign citizen is a huge risk liability and a decision one should never take lightly. Take it as a learning experience and youâll be a stronger person in the end!
Trying to rekindle an old romance. We live in different countries. He said he was was very happy when we first reconnected but I must always be the one to text first.
I had a crush on a guy in high school thru classmates he contacted me and asked if I was married/yes, he is too 3rd one and not happy. He is in Texas now and Iâm in Oregon. He said I was his ”first love”. I loved him too. I was deliriously happy he contacted me. Said still loved me, I him, asked me to be best friend, I agreed, said we should be having a ”phone affair”. He owns his own business in Texas. Works too many hours to be away from home. Wife takes care of indigent mother & BIL & they have no life. We called & texted & emailed now all of a sudden NOTHING. I am at a loss. HELP
Move on, itâs not worth it.
I agree
They will let you think and tell you what you want to hear just make themselves feel good for that moment. Whatever pleases them in the moment. I have to think that’s all that there is.
That’s a dead end road for you. I’m sorry. I would recommend ending communication with him entirely so that you can move on. The more time you waste on him, the less likely you are to get out and about and meet somebody local. You never really dated him or knew him⊠It was just a crush. . I’m sure you felt a buzz from his flirting but it sounds like that has already been squashed. Time to move on. And no, you don’t need to announce to him that you are doing so. Just do it.
Hello James,
I met a guy around a month ago, we started seeing each other and things seem to be going fine. One night he told me he wanted to have a serious talk about our relationship, we told he has a 2 year old boy, but we weren’t able to have that conversation that day. I had to to go out of out that weekend, when I came back he started pulling away. I texted him a couple of days later asking him if we could come over to talk, but he said he couldnt. It’s been 2 weeks since I last talked to him. What could have gone wrong? We were always able to talk, he was the one that wanted to have the serious talk in the first place, why pull away after that? It feels awful to be ghosted. Im 40, he is 35.
I am 70, widowed for almost 6 years and I met a man my age. We fell in love with each other, told each other that often. Things started to go downhill when I allolwed him to talk me into certain actions that I opposed. So I became involved in it and became weak and foolish. I ended up breaking his heqrt, badly, to the point of decimation (his word). We live together, I have rented out my house and so I am here with him, not speaking to me or even looking at me. What can I do other than wait for time to heal him? I am heartbroken that I hurt him .