At some point you’ve wondered if all these tips are worth anything. Does dating advice really help people find love? It’s a fair question.
In a word, yes. Absolutely.
I’ve seen it happen first hand a number of times. I personally know dozens of women who’ve put my advice into practice and found passionate romance as a result. And I hear back from readers all the time about their relationship success stories.
Still, I get where you’re coming from. It seems like a lot, all these guides and checklists. And even though it can be genuinely helpful, it can also be overwhelming.
And that’s the problem. How do you sort through it all? It’s not like you can literally apply every single insight on your next date.
Just imagine trying that.
Every time a guy picks you up, you’d have to lug a huge cheat sheet around with you. He asks where you want to eat, and you hold up a finger while you frantically cross reference Conversation Starters, Restaurant Choices and First Date Faux Pas!
Not incredibly sexy. So, how about some advice . . . on how to use dating advice?
There’s a way to strike a healthy, practical, fun balance when it comes to dating advice. And it’s anything but complicated. Just keep the following four things in mind.
1. Always consider the source.
You’re smart enough to know the dating advice in drug store magazines can be ignored most of the time. There are plenty of books and “dating experts” out there who will point you in the wrong direction. Why? Because certain ideas “sell” well as a magazine headline or book title, even if the underlying advice is bad.
So be discerning.
Be intentional about who you listen to. There’s a big difference between good advice and whatever makes the cover of Cosmo this month.
2. There are things dating advice can do . . . and things it can’t do.
In my experience, people seek out dating advice because they recognize how complex and challenging romance can be. If it were easy to find true love and make it last, everyone would.
Solid advice can help, but it can’t completely tame the experience of dating.
Dating will always be wild and unpredictable. There’s no way to eliminate all the risks. If you put your heart out there, you might get hurt. I know of no dating advice that can isolate you from that.
3. There’s no “right” way to date, but there are “wrong” ways.
Think about all the people you know who are in relationships right now. Did they all meet the same way? Does each couple follow the same rules when they communicate?
Of course not. There’s no “right” way to date. But there are some common relationship pitfalls worth avoiding.
For example, it’s never a good idea to try to change another person at their core. That will always end badly. The best dating advice helps you learn from others’ mistakes while enhancing what’s already beautiful and unique about you.
4. It’s totally okay to cherry pick, as long as you’re true to yourself.
If you read everything I’ve written on dating (it’s a lot), you’re sure to find certain tips that instantly make sense to you. But you’ll also come across suggestions that strike you as awkward, uncomfortable or just a bad fit for you.
That’s because some dating advice is going to work for you. While other things I share will be an eye-opener for someone else…but not you.
So cherry pick away. Go with the advice that draws you closer to your guy and dismiss the stuff that doesn’t feel genuine. Never try to act on any dating advice from any source that doesn’t mesh with your values and your relationship goals.
Romance is complex in some ways. But at its core, it’s just two people making a real connection. That mix of simplicity and complexity is part of what makes romance like a dance.
I applaud your proactive efforts to get the most out of your dating life. That’s awesome. But as you explore dating tips and tricks, make sure you don’t get overwhelmed.
Be selective about who you listen to. Be realistic in your expectations. Be open to finding your way. And always be true to yourself.
Love is out there. I promise. I believe anyone who sincerely looks for it can find it. Especially a person like you who continues to learn a little more each day.