It’s both a love story and an action movie. Richard Gere’s portrayal of Lancelot was fantastic, and the pain you feel for King Arthur (played by Sean Connery) is only matched by the longing to see Guinevere and Lancelot give in to the heart-pounding lust they feel for each other.
In the opening scene we discover Lancelot dueling commoners with his broadsword to make money. After easily defeating each of the brave men that stepped forward, one man in particular wanted to know how he had managed a particular maneuver that disarmed him.
He was fascinated by the skill that had just rendered him defenseless. He craved the knowledge that could give him equal power.
You may remember Lancelot’s reply. It became a theme in the plot of the story, responsible for his rapid rise in King Arthur’s Court and the passionate relationship with Guinevere.
Lancelot showed the young man the technique, and explained that its successful execution required something special. He said, “You must not care whether you live or die.”
This is how he approached his relationship with Guinevere. He brought a level of passion and persistence that could not be ignored despite seemingly insurmountable challenges. He poured his very being into his love for Guinevere, knowing full well that if his passion was denied his heart would break. Those are high-stakes to be playing with.
Here’s the lesson. When you allow yourself to truly desire a man, your fear will rise to match the level of desire you feel. Think about that. The more you want something, the more you become afraid of losing it. It’s unfortunate but true that men can sense a woman’s fear, often mentally interpreting it as a clingy neediness or trap.
Men value freedom above all else. It’s one of the things that make men act differently than women. They like to feel in control of their world. They don’t like to answer to anyone.
When you approach a man you desire, you must strive to bring a special kind of fearless passion. While pouring your heart and life into every interaction, you must not care whether the relationship lives or dies. Do this and you will become intoxicating to him.
He will sense it when you achieve this. No, that’s wrong. Sensing something is like a tingling awareness. His experience will be more like the first breath of oxygen after holding his breath underwater for two minutes. It will be profoundly different from the smothering fear he has experienced as he contemplates dating other women.
Men do not want to be trapped, but I’m sure you have known a man who repeatedly said they just weren’t ready for a commitment, only to get engaged two months after meeting someone that swept him off his feet.
How do you pull it off? How do you create an experience for a man (and yourself for that matter) of life-affirming passion paired with the freedom of reckless abandon?
These are the secrets of Irresistible attraction. Your instincts and intuition will teach you the way if you start today and strive each following day to bring these qualities to your interactions with men. You can also speed your learning curve with some techniques that make the process easier in our training materials available here.
Rooting for your passionate embrace of all that life has to offer,
James Bauer
The lessons were great as i learned of different experiences. Thanks
Dear James,
I have recently come across your articles and find them very interesting indeed! After reading this article and thinking over my past relationships I cannot say how true your words are. My relationships in the past that had any chance of working were ones where i was not concerned with the direction of the relationship and just let it flow and not had any issues with wondering what the ‘status’ of our relationship was. Indeed I actually broke up with a man because i wanted some space to myself and that was the tipping point where he asked me to marry him! Clearly I have not learnt my lesson though because here we are again.
I recently started seeing someone new, it has been going great. We are very similar in personality and have the same outlook on life (even if he is more loud with his opinions than me). However, he is moving abroad for 4 months in a matter of weeks. It got to that point in our relationship where being intimate was on the cards and i ended up saying no, on the basis that it was bad timing (and i felt that this would make things difficult for me whilst he is away for the next 4 months). I’m now concerned that he may have only been after the one thing as I have not heard from him much since then. Did I do the right thing? Did I hurt his feelings or am I just reading too much into things? Ordinarily i would have let him know how i felt by now but in the interest of not being ‘clingy’ or needy I have refrained. Please help! Hannah
Hi! This is a very specific question, perfect for the private consultation service available in the new members area. I love your involvement with the material I post here, but I’ve decided to start responding only to questions that are directly relevant to the article. For other personal questions, please use the private consultation service. It’s better for these kinds of questions.
Hi James,
I am interested with your “guide” to apply this in my future boyfriend/lover/husband. I have read all the comments and your advised. And i am hoping you can enlightened me too. I am having a casual affair with a guy I’ve met online for almost 3 months, and we’ve only met in person once. There is a magical connection between us even though we were just chatting. It seems i have known him even before and he felt the same way too. He doesn’t lie with his intention to me, he just wanted me to be his lover; he is separated but working things out with his wife for the sake of their kids, and he has other lovers other than me; that is what he says. What keeps our communication going is an exchanged of sexual favor/flirting thru chat. And we are talking about seeing each other again. I have little experience with regards to males. My platonic relationship with him excites me, and i am already thinking of him all the time. I could say I am in-love/infatuated with him already. And i know you could say I am dumb.
Now, I am trying not think of him too much. I am trying not to care whether our weird affair will live or die. I just go on communicating with him, go with the flow. But what gives me hope, though he is clear with his intention to me; he’s still keeping our communication and he is open to me, or I just misunderstood him. What do you think of him?
Hello, Eve. You are welcome to consult one of our professional relationship coaches on this issue, but let me just give you my brief opinion.
I don’t think you should pursue a relationship with a man who is trying to work things out with his wife. Imagine yourself in his wife’s shoes. Would you be happy to know there was a woman encouraging him to flirt and exchange sexual favors while the two of them were trying to salvage their long history and shared promise to stay together forever?
I know I wouldn’t. If he would do that to his current wife, he would very likely do this to you as well if you ever became his wife.
You are approaching this in the right way (from the standpoint of keeping your heart guarded while trying to maintain a relaxed attitude of how things turn out) but I’m not sure you would really “win” even if a man like this ended up choosing you. I say that because it seems his history suggests he chooses women temporarily and for convenience rather than for the sake of building something meaningful and lasting. I know I’m doing a lot of judging here in a situation that I know little about, so take my perspective with a grain of salt.
thanks for the first lesson. i just started dating a guy who has been slowly asking me out for about two years. i spent a weekend at his house and it was heavenly. i wonder why it took me so long. he was the perfect gentleman and it was nice. i have issues though: he is not very quick to speak his emotions so even though it was a great weekend, i do not really know how he feels about me. usually i would try to pull this out of him but with your lesson it is looking like a bad idea. what should i do? i am a bit obsessive about things like this cos i need to know where a relationship is and where it is headed. some help please!!!
Hi Marge. I do understand where you’re coming from, I want to give you a somewhat odd perspective that may help you to relax into the relationship. Regardless of what someone else imagines, and regardless of what someone else says, the best indication of where a relationship is headed comes from looking at where the relationship is now.
You’ve told me where the relationship is right now. A wonderful guy who treats you well and demonstrates affection toward you, has been consistently (but gently) pursuing you over two years. You just began to allow him into your own heart and mind and you are finding it a pleasant experience. I’m just reflecting back to what you have already said.
Rather than trying to label the relationship or control the future, accept that the relationship is exactly what it appears to be. You have every right to tell him about the importance of commitment and open verbal exchange about intentions for the future, but it’s a bit too early for that. Give it a few more weeks and let his current actions speak about his true feelings for you.
thanks James….will keep it cool and try not to overthink it. that was a really prompt response by the way. u now have a fan
how can i get the guide?
You can get it here. Click this link.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,AM LEARNING SOMETHING THAT I DIDNT NO ABOUT MEN
I am really impressed and I want to know how to control a jealous boyfriend.
HI James,
I am kind of a weird but probably common situation. I met a guy online through a mutual interest group.We started talking and his initial response he has been single for 2 years along with not have sex by his choice. We have had the best of chat and tried to be there whenever he need me. I really thought this guy was the one. He hates drama and I think that is what ultimlately drove him away and he has a hard time of opening but after 6 months I find it odd he is still not opening up more. We have fights but he always comes back. I think he genuinely cares about me. He wants the notebook fairytale but his ex follow him around still night and day. I don’t get jealous since we are friends and I want the best friend value first also. I just got out of a 9 year relationship. Is what your advice? Should I lay off and let him come to me and really make him think i dont’ give a crap on whether we should go even farther. Long distance is always hard. Just need some advice. I am just very frustrated. We have the same values and beliefs. Any help is appreciated
Hi Tracy. while I don’t know enough about your situation do give a definitive opinion, I will say this. You say you share a lot of the same values and you say he doesn’t like drama. A lot of men who dislike drama are open to hearing straight questions about what they want and what would make them happy (in terms of a relationship). The key to making this work though is that you have to actually let go of controlling his desires and really focus on just learning about his desires, regardless of whether they match up with yours right now. Because if you break down in tears at his mention of a need for space and freedom, it blows your chances with a guy who wants to reduce drama.
James
I met Ron for dinner 7 weeks ago. We had a nice time and for the next two days he asked me for a walk and then a meet at the dog park. He couldn’t get enough of my attention. We set a date for Friday but his personal business (landscaping, contracting) kept him late and he asked for a date on Saturday instead. Then no word all day. I called about 9 pm and he did not answer. I figured well, he worked late or he had a date already and forgot. I just wish he would have said something. Next day I get this beautiful text as if nothing happened. I am now on reserve with him and push away. We texted back and forth a few weeks but I kept my reserve up and about 3 weeks later he asked me to go out with him on a short date as he had work he needed to do in his business but he really wanted to see me. This went well lasted a couple of hours and then we went on our way for the rest of the day. That night he texted that he really wanted to see me again and we got together at my house for a movie and he left. He was extremely attentive for the next couple of days, we had another date where he brought me a gift, and then I invited him out the to the drive in theater where we had a wonderful time. However, on the way to the theater he looked over at me and said “you are such a patient women for dealing with a man with baggage” I thought to myself “what baggage” he had never told me anything about baggage so I just said to him that I felt we were on the right path and if he needed to talk then he is more than welcome to just talk and I will listen (I’m a great listener he tells me). His ex girlfriend was text bashing him all day and he was down about it. I said well just block her and this is when the baggage arrived..she is his landlord. She is making threats, ect. she is using her psychology degree to make him miserable with long texts and emails that are painful to him. She is using his grandson (in no way related to her) as a pawn in all of this and she insists that he come to her 4th of July party because it would be good for his grandson to be there. He talked about how it would be confusing for all and he just was not going to go. We made tentative plans to be together for the holiday but nothing solid. We had a wonderful date at the drive in and stayed together until the next day. He continued to be attentive the next few days and then I had a meeting (my husband passed 9 months ago) that brought me down so when Ron asked me how my day was going I just called him and told him I was a little down, asked him about plans for the holiday and he mumbled something about his grandson and taking him to his grandma… I said that’s okay I just needed to know as I make arrangements for my child if we were going to get together and do something. We talked pleasantries and then said good night. I get a text a few minutes later “sweet dreams. I’m sorry your were down today. I know I am partly due to that I’m sure. I’m sorry” I asked him why he thought that and he replied “Not sure…perhaps me not talking with you enough or saying the right things. If not I’m glad. I’m even more sorry about your loss. Your a wonderful woman.” I replied Thank you I admit that I do miss you when we are not together and you lift me up when we do get to talk and even texting brings a huge smile. He replies “Hugs” and I asked Do I make you smile?he replies “Yes you do”. And then coldness .. no text, no call, nothing. A couple days later some light chit chat but a clear pulling away. So, I adapt but I am very confused as when we are together there is clear attraction, affection, even a sense of love (this has not been said out loud by either of us). So here I am with no plans and a pain in my heart I don’t understand as he ignores me. I feel that his ex has been stealing time away from me as he obviously responds to her text bashing. He is clearly been abused by her. What do I do? Should I just walk away? In a couple of days he will text as if nothing has happened but I am assuming that the ex has bullied him into this party she is having tonight and this infuriates me. It was our time to be together. I spend my time reading all the self help books and articles that have been provided but I feel I need to vent and get advice from others too.
Thank you for reading 🙂
Never wait for a man… You need to make plans for yourself and go on living. You can walk away if you want to, as it sounds like he is stringing you along a little bit, or you can wait it out (But you are still doing your own thing — see other people!!) and see what happens. I have a feeling you will find that he is wasting your time.
Thank you for your reply. I did start seeing another man the evening of the 4th of July. I decided that I need to be true to myself and obviously he has this baggage that he needs to work through and will not be emotionally available to me. Its too bad because we are a great match in many ways but I cannot be second fiddle to everything else in his life.
James
For just under 6 months I have been dating 55yo widower of 2.5 years with 15yo daughter.I am 51 kids raised and work pt from home…I have a lot more freedom. He is very busy with his career as it is demanding, we are an hour apart. He dated others for about 1-1.5 years but I am the first to meet his daughter and few friends.
He pursued me and went exclusive beginning of May. May was awesome met daughter then friends, explained to daughter we are a couple, and I would be there sometimes etc. ll good. Had bbq and birthday party I went to at friends of his, all went well.
He has many times he has soccer tournaments, golf work weekends away etc. We see each other approx 1x week. When we went exclusive i told him i was concerned if he had time to take relationship to next level. He said yes that if we integrate our lives with the other people, friends and family, that would allow it. I respect him immensely for the way he handles his life, and trust him impeccably and I don’t have that intuition often.
June has been rough. He has had several weekends away and twice I have told him that it is hard not to see him for long periods at a time as I enjoy our time together. We saw each other 3x in June. He seems distant last few weeks. We never have talked on phone often.
He has lead this relationship, and been very emotionally vulnerable sharing very intimate fears and says he loves our time together. His late wife’s birthday was in June, their wedding anniversary and a friend in Canada lost his wife to cancer (he lost his to ovarian cancer) which he went to the funeral.
I have pulled back letting him contact me but it hasnt felt the same. What do I do? I really care for this man and he seems to have done and shown me until recently that he does too. Now what?
Hi Kim. This situation just needs time. If you keep reading my emails, you will eventually see my explanation about the way men pull away when a “mission” they are on pulls their attention from a primary relationship.
Being busier at work during June, needing to process feelings about his wife, and reopened emotional pain triggered by vicarious reexperiencing through his friends loss are all factors contributing to his need for time and space.
I believe you are already doing the right thing. Shift your focus to other things in life so you don’t put yourself in a psychological position of just waiting. Refocus on living life to the fullest in the ways that do not require his companionship. He will return to you with increased energy, time, and joy at finding you still by his side.
I thought it was possibly because I told him it was really hard when I dont get to see him as I enjoy spending time with him. At 51 I still dont understand men, although I have read in multiple books, online blogs, etc that they pull back like a rubber band and often it is after a period of closeness.
Men and women are so opposite…..we want more when we feel that way and just at that moment they go running to their “mission”. Sigh…it is hurtful but I am leaning way back here as it doesnt feel good. I am hurt and wont let him know that now, but when and if he returns I think we need to lay out some expectations if things are to continue. It is hard to be totally open and vulnerable, and hear all these wonderful things only to have them pull away. It is confusing.
Thanks for your response James. My man’s name is James as well….it really does get hard to trust someone with your heart at this age.
I understand. Wishing you well.
So I was concerned as I hadn’t heard from him. I decided to check on him Fri as it had been 6 days. I called and he told me he had one of the mosts difficult weeks in a very long time.
He was going home on Mon morning from daughters soccer tournamnet all weekend and something fell off a truck and hit under his car:11k in damage. Then his 15yo daughters boyfriend had bad argument with his dad so he talked with daughter and bf about it. His daughter wanted to go to party on 4th and there wasnt adult supervision so they had a confrontation about it and talked through it, but it was the first time in a long time they experienced that. His work was intense, his boss is a narcissistic difficult man and has been for years….then he said it was his late wifes’ wedding anniversary on 29th and to top it off he forgot (sounded like he felt guilty for that).
He said he needed time to figure things out as to where things head in his life, as he doesn’t feel happy at this very moment. He said he was sorry for not being in touch all week, and that this has nothing to do with me at all. He reiterated this twice in our call.
I told him I was sorry he was having a tough week and asked if I could do anything for him. He said he just needed some time to work through things so he could be happy with things again. He said normally he can stay positive but everything hit this week all at once. He mentioned maybe we can get together tomorrow or Sun, but I haven’t heard from him. I didnt really think I would as he sounded pretty worn out and I felt bad for him.
Glad I called just to see how he was. I didn’t ask for anything and now I will let him have his space. I did text him yesterday morning as he was going to golf he said, a “golf tip”..inside joke and he responded back, “That is too funny. I am going to use that today!”. Now I will let him be to work through things, although it is hard. Haven’t seen him in two weeks today…sigh.
Hi James my name is Diana I have been a member for some time and have been in this relationship most of that time but I have no finances to increase my knowledge as I am disabled from working and am getting no income but I am trying….too hard maybe….to figure out how to get past painful parts of this relationship and move forward positively and show this man that I love so very much that he is loved and respected and is so very important to me without making him feel smothered. We’ve been together almost three years and have a baby son together and I have a ten yr old daughter too and we have had somewhat of a roller coaster at times but I know its meant to be but we’ve reached the old hat stage so to speak and I feel like comfortable is how he describes his time with me more than happy and I want to give that spark back to him but he seems to think that everything I say lately is nagging rather than talking I am always very direct and honest because I want him to understand and not be confused like I get but that seems to make it worse and it feels as if he thinks of himself only now when he used to tell me constantly that he was put here to make me happy and now its more like he couldn’t care less about my happiness or my interests and im certain that he feels the need to run because I have become needy and I do actually need him as my health is poor now after delivering our son my heart is failing and I do need him but it used to interest him to be my hero and now he wants to run rather than help and I have no idea what to do because the harder I try the worse it gets. PLEASE GIVE ME ANYTHING YOU THINK COULD HELP ME PUT HIS ENTHUSIASM BACK IN OUR LIFE AND PUT HIS SMILE BACK ON HIS FACE
Hi Diana. I don’t think I can provide you a very useful response in a blog comment, but I would like to just say one thing.
You are basically asking how you can change his motivation. In order to change someone’s motivation, you first must understand the source of their motivation. You need to understand it deeply. Only then do you have a chance at interacting with him in ways that might shift his motivation back toward the process of building the kind of beautiful companionship the two of you have shared in the past.
To get a deep understanding of his motivation, start with conversations that are geared toward getting him to talk about what he really wants. Ask him what makes him happy, what he wants to do more of with his time, and what he finds himself dreaming about for the future. Approach these conversations with no agenda at first. Just learn. You’ll be surprised how much you will discover that will give you ideas for improving things.
I understand we should love without fear, the thing is my man and I got into a HUGE argument a couple of days ago, and he had the “conclusion” that he couldn’t live with me anymore because of my actions and that he was moving out. I saw our whole relationship flash before my eyes, and just like that it was about to be over. I spoke to him from my heart and told him that if he wanted to go I couldn’t stop him. I also asked him if he loved me and he said yes, my response to that was “so your willing to leave something you love, just because you didn’t want to work it out? his reaction told me he was thinking twice about leaving.
Later on he told me he had changed his mind. Now after a couple of days, I feel somewhat awkward about our relationship and I cant seem to shake the feeling that maybe he IS unhappy and is only staying because he doesn’t want to be labeled as a quitter. I’ve read your eBooks and listened to your audio, but I am not sure how to tell if it is working out or not. I feel so helpless and I’m also blaming myself for being so immature and letting that argument happen.
You are on the right track now. The key is to use the methods you learned in the course to “show” deep respect rather than telling him you want things to get better. Time and distance from the argument will also help. Don’t focus on fixing right now. Focus on thriving by applying what you have learned. (You are brave. Keep moving forward. Focus your vision on where you want to go…not down where you could fall).
James
hi james,
my partner of 8 years is cheating on me. its been going on for about 6 months now, he’s always telling me he will end but he never does. and lately he’s moved in to the other woman’s house although he would still go home once a week or once in 2 weeks. i keep asking him if he is already serious with her but he keeps saying its just nothing and he will eventually end it, although he cant tell me when. i really feel he has already abandoned me, we no longer talk, or go out, or even have sex. he rarely calls or sends me a text message. there would be times he will be sweet one moment then cold the next, he will say he loves me, but when i send him a text message he doesnt respond, or he will tell me he misses me, but doesnt go home for a week or two. im so confused. pls help me. i dont want to lose him altogether but i cant seem to make him leave the other woman. the harder i try to ask him to stop, the angrier he gets and becomes more distant.
Hi Alma. The typical advice in a situation like this would be, “As long as you allow him to continue this behavior he has no motivation to change.” The problem with that perspective is that if he does not have his own internal motivation to make you happy, you are with the wrong guy to begin with…so there’s no sense trying “motivate” him to leave the other woman. You are dating the guy you wish he was. Stop dating the imaginary guy you wish he was. He is not worth your time. Now begins the process of getting your heart to realize he is standing in the way of a man who would like to love you and make you happy.
James
Dear James,
Thank you so much for these pearls. I wonder with an aching and worried heart if there is any way to reverse damage already done. I am in the position that my man just recently informed me he’d been having doubts for awhile. I’d noticed his distance but I attributed it to stress from work and school and gave him his space. Then to find out he’s been stressed about us and said he’d lost that feeling. That he’s been tortured by it going back and forth in his mind with it. Anyway, I didn’t handle it well. I’m so unhappy that I didn’t purchase your program before all this happened…I got classically clingy and a little crazy when I found out he’d lied about having a lunch with a new “friend” from work. I’m miserable about it and wonder if there’s any way to come back from this? He still speaks to me but I know he’s now Leary of me…ugh. I’m sick over it.
Depending on the maturity of your man, this may simply be an issue of him failing to understand that the infatuated feeling wears off after a while. It’s then a process of learning to love another person in a way that is sustainable and causes many more of those infatuated feelings to come in waves over the years.
However, if he knows better than to talk about having “lost the feeling” in that way, then his doubts are not necessarily a bad thing. His doubts mean he is taking the relationship seriously and considering whether it is something he really wants to commit to. You should be supportive of him and give him the sense that there is no deadline for him to make a decision about that. That prevents you from accidentally causing him to become polarized where he feels he needs to defend against you putting on pressure to choose you.
When you keep loving him, using the methods I described for living fully in the present moment in the context of your relationship (in my training material) you have the best chance of ultimately winning his heart. However, in the meantime, spend less time thinking about him and more time focused on enriching your life and living your life to the fullest.This has two benefits. It will simultaneously lower your anxiety while making you more attractive to him.
Thank you thank you thank you. He is younger than I but mature and he was taking the relationship very seriously. Through all of his soul searching he’s expressed that he doesn’t see the relationship going further and has interest in someone else. Yes it hurts but it may be something I’ll have to accept. I will however follow your advice because I do love him and if there’s a chance I can win him over, I’ll do everything in my power to do so even if that means to sit tight and do nothing for the time being. Patience is very difficult for me but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure I put in a solid effort. I never want to regret or wonder what if. Thank you again so much for your words!
Dear James,
Ive been in an off n on relationship with my best friend for 6 years… recently in a fully committed relationship for over a year.. n last week caught him cheating n things have escalated from there… he has done irreconcilable damage but i cant help but feel these things arent him.. the decisions hes made were based on outside influences n fear not to metion untreated ptsd… im torn because i know the real him is there n that man is who im meant to spend my life with.. how do i let go of that as he has considering he already has the new girlfriend basically living with him in our home? Ive had so many failed relationships n i really never in a million yeara thought this one would end… im in desperate need of advice.. as my 5 children hang in the balance… my oldest being disabled…. how do i put away all the love i know i have to give n not hope for a deep rooted love anymore?
Oh Becky, that saddens my heart. I sometimes wish one person could create love on their own so we would not have to rely on a partner to make equally beautiful choices. Unfortunately, that would take away the true essence of what a relationship really is.
I cannot advise you on the best steps to take in this situation because the stakes are so high and I have too little information to go off of. However, if you want to salvage the relationship you have with this man, it will require that you pull away and make clear to him that only his choices can salvage the relationship at this point.
How can he have a girlfriend living in your home? who owns the home?… if it’s his home you, should not put any money into it, and if its your home kick his butt out…. lots of men hang on to women with children for the home and the food… moms always have a place to call home for their kids… you did not mention if the kids were his.. or is it several fathers, with 5 kids and one disabled you sure to get child support or disability… and this man sure to be getting a free ride off your hospitality… unless he is paying the bills… who is paying the bills in a live in relationship or friendship will tell a lot about if it is LOVE or if it is using someone.
Apsolutely.. 😉
Hi, I have been married for 10 years next month, it used to be great bit the last 2 – 3 years have been very rocky, he has just moved back home after a month split, but he is very distant and we have been fighting allot, the last week he has slept on the couch, he says I don’t respect him and I know I say allot of hurtful things, because he has done allot of hurtful things, how do I make him know that I do respect him, what do I say to show him I do respect him just not some of his decisions, any help would be appreciated, I’d love to be sleeping together again by our 10th anniversary in April! Please help thank you!
Hey Tami. That’s the subject of a course I make available at the end of the “free video” you can click on at the top left of the this web page.
James
I ment we broke up ! its been a few days over two months ! I have used the part about , no contact and I wanted answers for myself so I went looking and looking and looking I have found loads and still need loads more . He has movied out and we have not talked ….but are close friends on facebook and he just blocked me, not befriended me and a few days ago he up blocked me , what dose this mean? if anything and now what ??? was thinking of writing him a letter on facebook just to him of course that i think its a good idea he had that we have not gotten back together etc ( a very short note) what should I do ? something just by still doing nothing or forget about it ??? HELP i GET SO CLOSE TO ANSWERS BUT STILL KEEP COMING UP SHORT , I am confused and very frustrated sorry! Please help ME!!!!!!!!!!……………
I see. So you do want to get back together with him. Well, at this point your best ally will be time. You will need to practice patience for at least four weeks without trying to get in contact with him in any way. You have to make sure he doesn’t feel you chasing him, so to speak, or else it will trigger more of the blocking sort of reactions. You want him to feel your absence enough to at least get curious about how you are doing. When he reaches out to you, be calm and sweet, but let him show the first signs of interest in getting back together. Right now, though…just patience. And while you wait, meet some other guys. I know you don’t feel like it, but it will help your heart to let go of him and you just might be surprised by a positive relationship with someone new.
I have met a guy at work who I find very attractive and kind. I have been told he has given up women by co-workers. He has also mentioned it. He hasn’t dated in a few years. He said his last girlfriend always had to be right, so he started telling her she was then she wanted to argue.
I am getting mixed signals from him. He stares. He smiles. He winked at me. Body language is right. But then, he ignores me. Keeps things on a working relationship. Very mixed signals. I’m a very happy person. Haven’t dated in over 5 yrs by choice. And a little shy. But his presence has seemed to flip a switch and I feel awake for the first time in my life. (I was married 4 21 yrs) is he serious about swearing off women? Should I leave him be or what?
It’s foolish to “give up on women” just because one woman had a negative interpersonal style. He wouldn’t be staring at you in that way if he had lost all desire and attraction. Acknowledge his current pessimism and caution while at the same time inviting him to spend time with you as a fellow human being. I bet you will get a better sense for which direction to go with this after spending some time in that context. Only do this is you actually are ok with the possibility of just becoming friends (rather than lovers).
James
if you are not with your ex how do you let them know that it is over and you are moving on ( as in this lesson), I am very interested in useing this on my ex
Hi Leanne. Do you mean you want to get back together with your ex? Do you mean you want to show him you are living passionately and not waiting around…in hopes that he will be attracted to that? I wasn’t sure what you meant.
James