It takes seven seconds to make a first impression.[i]
You heard me right. Seven seconds. We size up other people in a fraction of the time it takes to brush our teeth!
And first impressions are powerful. They’re so powerful that they rarely change. Basically, you get one shot. Blow it, and you’re far less likely to make a connection. A failed first impression will end your chances with a guy before you’ve even had time to start a conversation.
In seven seconds, we decide if the other person is someone we want to know better or someone we’d rather just forget.
No pressure, right?
Actually, it’s not as bad as it sounds. Nailing a first impression isn’t that hard. In fact, you only need one trick up your sleeve.
There’s a whole science behind how we make first impressions. After more than a decade of research, psychologists have discovered that one characteristic influences first impressions more than any other.
When two people meet, the first question they ask about the other is, “Can I trust you?”[ii]
If you’re surprised by that, you’re not alone. A lot of people assume that confidence is the key, especially when it comes to dating.
Here’s the funny thing about that. People who project confidence without seeming trustworthy are typically disliked. Instead of being approachable, they look arrogant.
If you want to give a good first impression, you have to project a sense of trustworthiness before anything else.
And here’s where things get dead simple. Giving off a trustworthy vibe is EASY. It’s all about being present in the moment. That’s it.
What does that look like?
It starts with your body language, including your tone. Be friendly, open, and welcoming. Smile, especially when you say his name.
After exchanging names, let him talk first. If he hesitates, ask a question and then really listen to his answer. Make sure he knows he’s your focus. This is a great time to practice active listening by using a couple of follow-up questions.
Oh, and put your phone away.
Seriously, don’t even try to sneak a peek at it. Nothing kills trust out of the gate like sending the message that you’re more into Instagram than the human being standing in front of you.
Of course, a solid first impression doesn’t guarantee the next guy you meet will be the One. But it’s still critically important. Without a good first impression, it’s not likely the two of you will get to know each other well enough to test the romantic waters at all.
So the next time you meet a good looking guy, make yourself unforgettable by being 100% present in the moment.
Body language, tone of voice, and genuine active listening are always important. When making a first impression, this stuff is the difference between flopping and knocking his socks off.
[i] Goman, Carol Kinsey. “Seven Seconds to Make a First Impression.” Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 13 Feb. 2011. Web. 30 Mar. 2016. <http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2011/02/13/seven-seconds-to-make-a-first-impression/#70fe4e1c645a>.
[ii] Bradberry, Dr. Travis. “How to Master the Art of the First Impression.” The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 27 Mar. 2016. Web. 30 Mar. 2016. <http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-travis-bradberry/how-to-master-the-art-of_b_9548610.html>.
This was a really interesting take.
I also think that while first impressions are important, they are not the be-all end-all. Some of my best relationships (whether romantic or friends) have been with people that I was completely unimpressed by at first. So they overcame my first impression, some of them in astronomical amounts.
Which made me wonder what about them I might have seen as worthy of trust in our initial interactions. And for one person in particular…that first interaction, I still can’t place it. Yet we quickly did become very good friends. And oddly, I always point to an argument we had a week later as the beginning of our friendship. Really he was picking at some people and they put me in the middle of it and I stood up to him. It was in good fun, but apparently unexpected because the people he was picking on thought he was mean (gee I wonder why…) and they thought of me as nice so I shocked them by standing up for myself and it was this way bigger thing that it ever should have been for the spectators. Because it was a big deal to neither one of us.
But that argument, and the public reaction to it/ the ridiculous gossip that went around about it…seems to have bonded us permanently.
So…trust. Maybe the trust was that we were honest with each other and didn’t play games/ wear masks in that situation. Because to be fair, I was also wondering what about me he found to trust. And probably for him it was this “argument” as well. We still say what we mean to each other…mostly. We’re brutally but kindly honest.
I have to agree that trust is a thing. I just thought it was my thing. I didn’t know it was so important to all.
Love Blessings Peace Health Happiness Keeping The Faith Everything Going To Be Alright In My Father’s House Amen ♥️🌹♥️
Hi James,
I am so appreciative of your works and words. You have helped me in so many ways.
I like #1 logo and your writings under both. May God Bless you.
I find it so helpful hearing from a man’s prospective as to a woman getting what she wants as well…a true relationship even true marriage with honesty.
Once again… thank you James.