7 Love Strategies

You want to be the best partner you can be.

You want to show him how adored he is.

You want to make him so happy he’ll want to be with you forever.

How do you do that?

You might:

  • Meet his needs before he realizes he has them.
  • Ask very little from him.
  • Be the “perfect girlfriend.”
  • Help him become the man you know he could be.

Do those love strategies work?

Can you win him over by being the most helpful, positive, easy-going, affectionate girlfriend he’s ever had?

Let’s find out!

I’m going to share with you 7 love strategies that many women use to win their guy’s heart.

Which love strategies actually work? Which love strategies don’t work? See if you can guess…

Strategy #1: Look after his every need.

If you love being the woman your man relies on, the one he can’t live without, then you might be a fan of this strategy.

You look for things you can do for him, envisioning how happy he’ll be when he finds out you made him his favorite dinner or fixed a problem he’d been struggling with.

Feeling useful makes you happy. It keeps you busy.

The more he needs you, the safer you feel in the relationship. He can’t walk away, because he relies on you too much.

Acts of service are your love language.

Strategy #2: Be perfect.

You want to be the perfect girlfriend.

You’re constantly learning how to improve your relationships. You devour expert advice and follow it to the letter. You take care of your body, and you take care of him. If there were a #1 Girlfriend competition, you’d win hands-down.

But he doesn’t seem to notice all the hard work you put in. If anything, he seems to take you for granted.

You’re not asking for a medal, but a compliment and some reassurance would be nice.

Strategy #3: Don’t upset him.

You always ruin things. But you won’t this time.

This time, you won’t let down your guard. You’ll watch yourself like a hawk.

“Don’t mess it up,” you tell yourself. “Don’t say anything stupid. Don’t do anything dumb. Don’t give him a reason to end it.”

You’re so careful to avoid his displeasure that being with him makes you stressed. It’s exhausting.

Strategy #4: Save/fix him.

He’s had a raw deal in the past.

He’s had ex-girlfriends who used him. Bosses who picked on him. Parents who didn’t love him.

And you’re going to change all that.

You’re going to show him what a healthy relationship is all about.

You’re going to give him the love he never knew he needed. You’re going to lift him up and show him how amazing he is. He deserves a happy ending.

Strategy #5: Look on the bright side.

You’re a positive person. There’s nothing the right mindset can’t solve.

You keep smiling. You count your blessings. You post loving tributes to your guy on social media.

Everyone thinks you have the perfect relationship, because you never complain.

Problems get swept under the rug and remain there, unaddressed.

Strategy #6: Please him.

You like making people happy. You get great joy out of helping others, even if it’s not convenient for you. You’re truly selfless.

You’ve been called a people pleaser, but you don’t think that’s such a bad thing. The world needs more helpful people.

If it’s hard for you to say no or stand up to him, well, his needs are more important than yours. You go along with him because it costs you so little and means so much to him.

Strategy #7: Worship him.

He’s the best man you’ve ever met. He is your knight in shining armor. You won’t hear a bad word said about him.

It astonishes you that he’s with you when he could have anyone he wanted.

When your relationship gets rocky, you take the blame. You know you could have done things better. He’s an important man. It’s not his job to pay attention to little details.

Which Strategy Is Yours?

Do you see yourself in any of these love strategies? (Or maybe more than one?)

Psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera calls these our “conditioned selves.”

They’re the different ways we learned to get love growing up.

And surprise! None of them are entirely bad or entirely good.

Looking after your partner is beautiful. But it can be harmful when it takes the place of looking after yourself.

Striving to be a better girlfriend is beautiful. But it can be harmful when it makes you a perfectionist or self-critical.

Helping your partner is beautiful. But it can be harmful when you take responsibility for his life.

Ask yourself:

  • Which love strategies do I use?
  • How do those strategies reflect my values and strengths?
  • At what point does using those strategies become harmful (both to myself and to the relationship)?
  • What might happen if I stopped using my preferred love strategy? Would I still feel worthy of love?
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