Anna is an attractive and fit woman in her mid-30s. She describes most of her dating experiences as “very positive” and is currently engaged to a great guy. Okay, what’s her secret?
Anna says her secret to success is that she loves great food, and she loves to eat.
“I’ve never been afraid to go out on a date and order a huge steak. Well, if that’s what I’m craving at the time,” says Anna. “It may sound crazy, but a lot of guys love that.”
It’s true. Many men agree that finding a woman who is actually willing to eat on a date—even a first date—is a rare but welcome find.
Chris, a 42-year-old personal trainer, explains why. “I spend my entire day in a gym. If I go on a dinner date after work, I want to eat an actual meal, but few women are willing to join me.”
How does this make Chris feel? In a word, it makes him feel disappointed. “If I order a salad and main course and my date only orders a salad, I feel like we’re not really connecting.”
Okay, but do women really eat less when attempting to attract a man, or is this just a myth?
Research suggests that it’s true—women eat less when attempting to attract men.
In one study, researchers invited female college students to a lab to participate in a study that required them to have a conversation with a male student. Before the conversation, the women read a background sheet on their potential conversation partner. The information made him either seem desirable or undesirable. They were then asked to spend 20-minutes talking. Before leaving the room, the researcher also pointed to a huge bowl of M&Ms and encouraged the participants to eat the M&Ms.
What happened? You guessed it—the women who were talking to undesirable partners ate far more M&Ms than the women who were talking to desirable partners.
The study mirrors real life. Many women believe that light eating makes them more attractive to men. But what do men think?
The truth of the matter is that while few men are seeking a woman who can go head-to-head in a hotdog or pie-eating contest, a lot of men love food and love women who are willing to enjoy it with them.
Why do men love women who love to eat? Like Chris, a lot of men simply want to share a great meal at the end of the day.
For men who are passionate about food—foodies or gourmets or whatever you call them—sharing food may also be a point of shared interest.
But sharing food is also symbolic.
Sharing meals is one of the most powerful rituals of social bonding in the world. From ancient times, people have met, created bonds and marked special occasions by sharing a meal.
So what happens when you decide to nibble away at a piece of lettuce and sip on a glass of water while your date eats a five-course meal? If actions speak louder than words, you are sending out a message that this relationship is never going to work.
What you eat is ultimately your business. And you can’t eat like a man all the time without some health consequences. But if you’re ever faced with 20 minutes of conversation with a desirable partner and a huge bowl of M&Ms, don’t forget, you might be better off by trying to enjoy both at the same time.
I totally concur James….I didn’t realize this until one day at work, we went out as a team, company’s treat. And instead of my usual healthy/light lunch that I brought, I ordered a big sizzling skillet of chicken smothered in cheese, peppers, and onions (we went Tex-Mex).
All the guys were very impressed and interested in what I was eating. And oddly positive and respectful about it. It was like my status went up in their eyes…which was completely unexpected for me.
The women…were completely the opposite. UNimpressed and acted quite weird about it. Got a lot of comments about what I’d selected to eat not being healthy, being a lot of food, whatever. Kind of like I’d broken girl code or something.
And what I ordered…it wasn’t especially expensive…it was just very unhealthy looking, and large portion. So it wasn’t the cost they were worried about.
Me…I was married already and not there to impress anyone, just figured we didn’t eat out that much and I was going to fully enjoy it when we did….I had the rest of the days of the week to eat salad, yogurt, cheese, and nuts. 🙂 I DO enjoy good food.
I couldn’t understand WHY what I was eating was of so much interest to everyone and seemed to matter quite so much.
So yeah I fully have experienced this James. And I’m going to say that the women seemed to know this at an instinctual level too. Or maybe they just saw the male attention it got. I don’t know. But it did make an impression on me; I still remember it and it was like 20+ years ago. I guess because responses from both sides were so reactive and bewildering to me.
Men want women who can eat but also want their women thin. Doesn’t work both ways. Have men ever stopped to think that their date does not want to partake in restaurant meals because she is too busy trying to stay thin for him? We’d all love to eat with abandon but you can’t have the cake if you eat it too.
Yes, I agree. That is the one problem with my article. It only works if you have a fast metabolism or an unusually active job/lifestyle. Still, I thought it was an interesting consideration for dates when you are making first impressions.
I fell deeply in love with a man who liked to eat out all the time and was willing to share a plate. We frequented a restaurant with huge portions so there was no question of him getting enough to eat and it was very intimate. I have missed that with him.
The man who helped me recover from that broken heart made the most profound and relevant statement to this article. He is a very fit man, not big or tall, and I made a comment about my size (5’9″ 12-14). He said he was attracted to my curves and my size told him that I enjoyed the art of cooking and eating but worked to keep things under control. It was the most balanced and sane thing I’d ever heard anyone say!
People who love to eat generally love all life’s sensual pleasures, including sex. I would never want to date a man who was a picky eater!
I had a date tell me which restaurant we were going to “come ready to eat.” It was a brazilian steak house. I think he would have been disappointed with me eating a salad, while he had a great steak experience. So, I shared. Good fun overall. Had a second date!
This is SO true. I even had a guy tell me one time that he liked going out with me because I wasn’t afraid to eat in front of him. And my current boyfriend loves to cook for me – how can you not eat when someone else does the cooking!!!
I will gladly go head to head with any man for a pie eating contest – cherry, blueberry, coconut cream – you name it – yum yum yum!!!