If another woman does something nice for you, how do you respond?
You thank her, of course…
And then you probably start thinking of a way to repay her kindness!
When someone does something nice for you, you do something nice for them.
But what happens when a man does something nice for you?
Does repaying his gift make him love you more…
Or does it kill the romance?
I’m about to share with you a surprising romance killer that’s based in a fundamental difference between men and women—which is why so many women don’t know about it!
Once you understand what a man REALLY wants when he does something for you…
You can respond in a way that ramps up the chemistry and reassures him that you’re the one.
Why We Always Return a Favor
Outside of romance, there are basic rules around giving and receiving that everyone knows.
When someone does something for you, you’re supposed to do something in return.
If a friend gives you a Christmas present, for example, and you didn’t expect it, you’ll immediately run out and get her a gift. Otherwise, your relationship will feel unbalanced.
That need for reciprocity extends to everyday interactions. If a friend compliments you, you’ll feel compelled to find something to admire about her in return.
You don’t always have to return the favor in exactly the same way. You can repay a friend by inviting her to dinner or helping her with something. But the exchanges should be of similar perceived value. If not, it can feel like one of you has been taken advantage of.
Have you ever given someone a carefully-chosen Christmas gift and received something small and impersonal in return? It’s not like you’re keeping score, but you notice the imbalance!
That’s how gift-giving works in everyday life.
So what happens when we take those rules into a romantic relationship?
Why Men Give
Love wouldn’t be half as romantic without gifts.
A man will buy you dinner, whisk you away on amazing dates, and surprise you with flowers.
He could end up giving you gifts you can’t hope to repay. Gifts that leave you feeling indebted to him.
What does he expect of me in return? you might wonder.
Romantic relationships play by different rules when it comes to gift-giving.
When a man who’s falling for you does something nice, he’s not expecting you to repay it by doing something for him in return.
The law of reciprocity doesn’t apply the same way in romance. (In fact, it can sabotage relationships, as we’ll see in just a bit.)
That doesn’t mean he’s doing nice things for you for no reason at all.
He wants to see how you’ll react.
React by acting uncomfortable with his gift, or treating his gift as an obligation to repay, and he’ll assume you’re not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him.
What he’s hoping you’ll do is this…
Make Him Feel Like a Man
He’s hoping you will value, appreciate, and accept his gift with visible enjoyment.
Because his gift is an extension of him.
When you take great pleasure in something he did for you, and express it in lavish terms, he feels affirmed as a man.
Men enjoy feeling like providers. If he can’t provide for you, he’ll wonder what possible role there could be in your life for him.
It’s not that he expects you to need him on a financial or practical level. But he does expect to be able to make you happy. If he can’t make you happy by doing nice things for you, then he may not be able to see a future with you.
When he does something for you, and you respond by thinking of things you can do for him in return, he may feel that it cheapens his gift.
He didn’t do something nice for you so he could get something back. He did it to make you smile. Your enjoyment and pleasure was all he wanted in return.
Focusing too much on repaying each other can actually sabotage a relationship.
Couples who keep score in a relationship—“I do all this for you, and you don’t do anything for me”—are unhappier than couples who do nice things for each other out of the sheer pleasure of it.
So if you’re dating a man you adore, and you see a future with him, show him how much you enjoy and appreciate his gifts. Receive with pleasure.
You don’t have to worry that this makes you selfish. You’re giving him what he wants most: your delight.
Because if he can do this one small thing and make you smile, imagine the pleasure you’ll bring to each other over a lifetime together.
I hear what you say but what happens when the man repeatedly talks about much he spends and even when I pay him back for home repairs that he fronts initially to help me? He just whines and tallies the amount he’s helped me with. This is so exasperating! He lives in my house and helps pay rent but also states how much extra he has helped me. I just want to be a team!!
Then he is a different kind all together. Maybe past family history has him like that. I would say talk to him, as a conversation, not a “talk”…to find out where he is coming from. Maybe share a childhood memory of your own where you enjoyed working as a team as opposed to feeling like you always owed someone something.