It’s one of the worst things anyone can say:
“I don’t love you anymore.”
Those 5 words destroy you. The world you thought you lived in, the future you thought you had with this person, the connection you thought you shared…
How could he say such a thing?
Especially when you’re certain, deep down, that he really does still love you?
What He’s NOT Saying When He Says He Doesn’t Love You
Some of you have heard the whole, “It’s not you, it’s me,” thing too many times.
But when a man tells you he doesn’t love you, it really IS about him instead of you.
When a man says he doesn’t love you anymore:
- It doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
- It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
- It doesn’t mean no one will ever love you again.
But that’s not how it feels…
It feels VERY personal.
It feels like he doesn’t love you because you aren’t “good enough” somehow.
It triggers every feeling of abandonment you’ve ever experienced.
“Why doesn’t he love me?” turns into, “Why doesn’t anyone love me?”
You wonder, “If I couldn’t make it work with him, how will I ever make it work with someone else?”
Those feelings are big and difficult. There’s no easy way to bypass the sad feelings of loss. But…it’s super important to remember that you are just as lovable as you were before he ever met you. This is about his journey. It’s not about your worthiness for being loved.
What He’s Really Saying When He Says He Doesn’t Love You
So what does it mean about him when he says, “I don’t love you anymore”?
1. It means he wants to end the relationship as quickly and cleanly as possible.
Breaking off a relationship is hard. None of us are good at it. We say the wrong thing, we make it worse, and we hurt someone we once cared about deeply.
Some men have learned that it’s easier to break things off if they tell a woman they don’t love her anymore.
If they give her any other reason for ending the relationship, she’ll argue. She’ll try to fix it. She’ll promise to do better.
But it’s hard to argue with, “I don’t love you.”
Even if a man still does love you—because the connection between two people never dies—he’ll deny it. He’s doing it because he thinks this makes for a cleaner break. He doesn’t want to give you hope that you’ll get back together.
2. It means he’s trying to disconnect emotionally from you.
When a man tells you, “I don’t love you anymore,” you can tell he’s lying.
You can tell because he won’t look you in the eyes. You were just in his arms not all that long ago. You felt how his body responded. You know he still cares about you.
But it’s less about how he feels and more about how he wants to feel.
He doesn’t want that emotional connection anymore.
He may still find you attractive. He may still want to be with you physically. But he wants to take love out of it.
And without love, what do you have together?
You have physical chemistry but no emotional connection. No commitment. No promise to look carefully after each other’s hearts.
3. It means he’s not willing to offer the one thing your heart needs.
If you cared about someone and all they needed was ONE thing from you…
Wouldn’t you try to give it to them?
Most men know that “one thing” for women is love.
It’s not fair to lead on a woman if you don’t love her. It’s not fair to play with a woman’s heart.
Your man knows this. He knows you need to be loved.
Maybe if he tells you he doesn’t love you, you’ll go on to find someone who’ll love you the way he can’t.
You deserve better.
When you’ve done the work to love and accept yourself, you won’t tolerate anything less from a man.
If he chooses not to love you, that’s his choice, but it doesn’t say anything about you. You know you’re lovable.
And there is a man out there right now who can’t wait to find you. Stay strong, walk in the direction of your true desires, and never stop searching for the relationship you want.