What happens when you cultivate a deep sense of curiosity about the people you interact with?
Well, let me ask you, have you ever talked to a psychic? I don’t mean a real psychic, or even a money-grubby fake. I mean a regular person who is constantly convinced they know what you’re thinking and feeling before you’ve told them.
I’ve had a few friends like that. Talking to one of them about something important is an exercise in frustration. As soon as I’m done describing a dilemma or challenge, they start telling me what they think I’m “actually feeling.” Then, under the false impression they’re helping, they push me to explore “the real issue.”
Most of the time they don’t even have a firm understanding of what’s going on, and they are almost never right about my feelings. How could they be? They haven’t taken the time to listen.
But when you’re close to someone, it’s easy to fall into that trap.
All of us develop the ability to “read” the people we interact with daily, like our partners, close friends, and family. The more time you spend with someone, the more natural it feels to “predict” their feelings based on what you know about them.
So when your best friend has had another bad date or your partner’s boss has irritated him again, the temptation is to assume it’s the same song, new verse.
We’ve heard it before, we tell ourselves. So we assume we already know what’s going on. But there are two major flaws with that assumption.
The first is this. There’s no guarantee you’re right.
The only way to know where another person is coming from is to hear them out. Handing out advice or opinions without all the information is a surefire way to derail communication.
It’s much better to listen first.
But what about the times you are right? Is it okay to play the mind-reader then?
Unfortunately, no, it’s still not a good idea. Instead, use your insight to ask good questions. Questions that get at the issue you suspect is there.
And that brings us to my second point. People like it when other people find them interesting.
When someone takes the time to really listen to us, engaging with good questions and giving us their full attention, it builds our self-esteem. It makes us feel important. It communicates that we’re valuable to the other person.
Use this knowledge in your dating relationships. Because if you do, he’ll want to continue sharing his inner world with you. That’s because when someone takes an interest in you, it’s a lot easier to open up to them.
That’s how strong relationships grow stronger.
So even if you’re pretty sure you know what’s going on, get curious. Ask good questions. And let him know you’re interested in him. Because that’s more important than correctly guessing his feelings.
In all your interactions, make it a point to develop a sense of curiosity. It’s better to seem clueless but interested than to come across like you aren’t really invested.
Embrace curiosity to enhance your irresistible qualities. That way, everyone you interact with will begin to see you as the ideal person to open up to.