The two of you bump into an acquaintance. “Oh! Jane! Hi. Nice to see you too. Uh, yes, this is my…my…” My what?
You can’t skip the introduction. That would be rude.
But what if you haven’t had a “state of the relationship” talk? What if nothing’s been defined? What do you say about him then?
It’s an unfortunate truth that most people default to introducing their significant other as “my friend.”
There’s a better way.
Don’t introduce him in terms of his relationship to you. Instead, introduce him in terms of what’s interesting about him.
“Oh! Jane! Hi. This is Jeff Thompson, one of the most creative artists you’ll ever meet.”
Sounds nice, doesn’t it? And yet you didn’t say whether he’s your friend, your boyfriend, your fiance, your casual fling, or anything else that starts with “your.”
Just start with his name. Then add something interesting about him.
This prevents him from coming to the conclusion that you see him as “just a friend,” or that you don’t feel comfortable with people thinking you’re an item.
Bonus points if you can make it sound like a compliment at the same time.
“This is Jeff Thompson, one of the best conversationalists you’ll meet in Chicago.”
There are three powerful benefits to this little conversational trick.
First, as I already mentioned, it prevents him from coming to the conclusion that you see him as “just a friend.” Believe me, he’s paying attention at those moments.
When a guy hears a girl he’s dating call him a friend or a boyfriend, he notices. With my method, you haven’t relegated him to the friend-zone, but neither have you made any assumptions about the relationship.
Second, this technique immediately takes the focus off your relationship and naturally sparks a conversation. Your friend and the guy now have a comfortable jumping off point for relaxed conversation. If he’s an artist, like in the example above, she might ask, “Oh really? What kind of art?”
Making other people feel comfortable in social situations is a special kind of social skill. It’s the kind of social skill that operates invisibly in the background. Yet others are left with positive feelings whenever you are around to facilitate these smooth interactions.
Here’s the third benefit of using this method. You’ve complimented him at a time when he’s sure to catch it.
This is an opportunity to let him know you’ve been paying attention. Make the most of it by bragging on him a bit, shining a spotlight on one of his strengths or interesting characteristics.
In fact, this method works really well for regular relationships, too. Using it, you can practice making people feel good about themselves any time you have to make an introduction.
Show them that you admire them, that you’ve noticed what they’re interested in. Or mention their talents and other interesting facts that set them apart.
I strongly encourage you to start introducing people in this way. Build the habit now. Then, it will feel natural and automatic when it really counts.
How do you teach a man, who seems to not know how to do oral sex?
I’m a 70-year-old widow, and I’m on a senior dating site. How do I tell a man I’ve just met that I don’t want an intimate relationship until I get to know him really well? Many men assume women on these sites are looking for casual sex and try to get touchy-feeling by the end of the first date.
Hi, Ellen. We address this problem in a special mini-report available here: https://beirresistible.com/members/library/irresistible-insight-86/learn-more/
Thanks for being part of our community and sharing your journey with us!
James
Thank you, James. Your post has inspired me to just ask my Guy, Partner, Significant Other, Boyfriend….whatever he would prefer when I introduce him. We’re both “seniors.”
What if the person your with has nothing really interesting about them? Please don’t just say, “How could you be with someone uninteresting?” There are lots of great people that have nothing that stands out about them.
Hey Ty. What if you just said something you enjoy about him?
For example, “Oh, and this is Jeremy, one of the few people who inspires me to try new restaurants and old board games. I’m making him pay for it by window shopping with me.”
Hi James I was just wondering how could I get a man to show and treat me with respect in a nice way that would be effective and not come across as rude but rather high value? Also just wanted to say thank you so very much for what you do it’s greatly appreciated you’ve saved the day for many
Thank you James.
I totally agree. I really appreciate your shared tips, especially this one….Its very helpful as i have been a victim many times.
This advice is also great for us older daters. How do I introduce my ‘boyfriend’ when I am over 55? It sounds too teenagerish to me to say boyfriend. I don’t like using partner because people assume (they’ve told me so!) that we live together for years which we don’t. I don’t like just saying my dear friend, makes it sound like we are just hanging out together. So this advice is much simpler! I can now say “This is So and So, and he is such a good blah blah and blah”, then put my arm through his in a loving way. So far it has worked really well and people see my pride and can see he enjoys the flattery and the little love action makes it clear to all how we feel about each other. Nice!
Thanks for fixing my quandary!
That’s perfect, Aletheia! Thanks for sharing that.
That’s wonderful. I agree boyfriend sounds odd for me, at 49, with a 34 year old … amazing vagabond contractor! ????
Hello James, by the coast on beautiful Australia.
Thank you James, I really love being and reading Be Irresistible, it’s my Go To and now I’m encouraging my friend to take a peak as well.
So far, because it’s so heartfelt from you, I love it all, however the so important bit for me is “The Orca” in the pool and the trainer.
I happen to be 80 in chronological, and mad about a soulmate whose 52, divorcing. Yes alert alert! Stay steady, live now, no future wow what a ride!
James, it’s beautiful writing from you, very much appreciated. Xx
Excellent idea. Thank you James
Thank you for this. What happens if you have been with a man for 5 years and he introduces you as just “your first name”. That’s it. Then they are coming up to me later and asking me how I know him or what we are. I have asked him about this and he says he is a very private person and our relationship is not any one else’s business.
Jill, if after 2 yrs he can’t define your relationship, why are you still with him? And 5 years? Sounds like he has a wife or partner elsewhere. I would be insulted and dropping him if all he could manage is my name and a lame excuse, it’s private. And you stay with him because?
This is great. I can’t count how many times I have stumbled when I try to introduce a man in my life at a social gathering. Not wanting to offend him by being to casual about our status yet not wanting to complicate things by making a commitment that maybe neither of us are ready for. Thanks for the new angle.
Really helpful for any introduction. Doesn’t make the other people have to ask questions.
James– thank you so much for writing this too. This is one of the items I find most aggravating- even in business… How to introduce a person! This has given me inspiration to find the “something” in each one of my friends and practice.
Looking for your next fun thought- enjoying your gift of breaking down the simple things!
Angie
I came across this strategy years ago when trying to introduce my step-granddaughter and her unwed mother. My husband was mind boggled to the point of not wanting to be in social situations but we were so proud of our baby Gdaughter that we wanted to show her off.
I worked through the problem and came up with exactly what James has taught with his blog: #1 you’re just making an introduction (giving information) #2 you’re providing a jumping off point for all parties to converse
So here’s how it came out: This is our new Gdaughter (name) and her proud mom (name). This way we established the relationship of the child to us, to her mom and her mom to us without making too much of a statement on a delicate situation.
It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate to this superb blog!
I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.
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Facebook group. Talk soon!
James- Thank you for this tip. I find it so awkward when introducing someone I just recently started seeing and this solves the problem perfectly. I will add it to my file of other great tips from you.
Great!
I just want to thank you James for all of the relationship tips. They are so helpful & I love reading them and using them. I just really appreciate your generosity in sharing so much! Thank you!
Thank you, Rachel. I appreciate that!
I learned a lot with this site.
Thanks for mentioning it, Tonia. That’s my favorite type of “testimonial.”
James
Need help. So I’ve gone through the course and learned about the hero instinct and followed the text samples, buttttt still no traction. He went from calling and texting daily throughout the day to silence unless I reach out. We also haven’t seen each other in 2 months. The last time was when we went to dinner for his bday. He runs a few businesses, works full time and has two daughters. I asked to see him this week but he just told me he has covid. What should I do?