When you’re really interested in a guy, how do you show it?
Do you:
- Tell him straight off the bat?
- Flirt?
- Invade his personal space?
- Drop a hint to his friends?
Each option has advantages and drawbacks.
Telling him straight off the bat means you don’t have to wait around wondering if he feels the same way. But you might scare him off.
Flirting is a time-honored way to indicate interest. But some men can be oblivious.
Invading his personal space is a clear sign you want to get close. But he can take it to mean you want sex, rather than a real relationship.
Dropping a hint to his friends ensures your interest will find its way to his ears. But it’s kind of grade school, isn’t it?
Guys have it easier. In their world, there’s only one socially-acceptable way to show interest in a girl:
Ask her out.
If a man can’t get up the courage to ask her out, the idea goes, then he’s not much of a man.
A man’s interest is black-and-white. You don’t have to decode his body language or decipher his mysterious texts. All you have to do is notice if he’s asking to see you again … or not.
This “man code” puts a lot of pressure on guys. Even though they don’t have to figure out the best way to show a woman they’re interested, they have to buck up and ask her out—knowing she could say no.
The shame and humiliation of rejection puts a lot of guys off from asking women out. They’d rather admire her from afar than face the cold hard reality of her indifference.
These guys need a little help from you.
If you suspect a guy is interested in you but hasn’t asked you out yet, your job is to make it easy for him to ask you out.
If he jumps on that opening and asks you out, then you know for sure he’s into you.
(And if you go out with him and he asks to see you again, then he’s DEFINITELY into you!)
If he doesn’t ask you out, even though you’ve made it super-easy for him, then he’s not into you enough. Move on to someone who is. So here’s what you do if you want to clear the way for him to ask you out:
1. Make him feel rejection-proof.
The biggest obstacle holding guys back from asking a woman out is fear of rejection. Even the toughest guy will feel the sting when a woman turns him down.
That’s why it takes most guys a little time before they’ll ask you out. They want to be confident you’ll say yes before approaching you.
You can help him out by giving him the right signals. When he smiles at you, smile back. When he flirts with you, flirt back. Say things like:
- “I like spending time with you.”
- “I feel like we could talk forever.”
- “We should hang out more.”
You can even slip him date ideas such as:
- “I can’t wait to see that new movie.”
- “There’s this hiking trail I’ve been meaning to try.”
- “Have you tried that coffee shop? I was wondering how it was.”
2. Find time to talk to him one-on-one.
A guy isn’t going to ask you out with a crowd around. He wants to ask you in private—so that no one else will see his shame if you turn him down.
Pay attention to his efforts to get you alone. A guy who wants one-on-one time with you is a guy who’s building up the courage to ask you out.
3. Use technology to give him a boost.
These days, many men feel more confident typing words into their phone than they do opening their mouth in front of a woman they want to impress.
Technology gives them the opportunity to think through what they want to say before sending it.
So pay attention to a guy’s requests to connect with you on social media or get your cellphone number. He may prefer to ask you out via text or direct message.
And if he gives you HIS number and suggests you call? Unless you really like him, give it a pass.
A guy who won’t ask you for your number—but expects you to call him—is putting all the pressure on you to do his job for him.
Sure, asking a woman out is risky. But it’s what men do when they’re interested, according to the man code. Expecting a woman to ask you out is a cop out.
Men aren’t as complicated as they seem. If they want to get to know a woman, they’ll find ways to spend time with her, regardless of the obstacles in their way.
I am recently divorced, I met a guy who is a musician. Not a well known one but he is a singer from the 80’s. He was all into us getting together and was waiting on me to get my divorce. We talked on messenger back and forth and he was sending some risky pictures. I exchanged some as well and he explained how he couldn’t wait to be with me. Now I’m divorced living on my own and we are friends on FB but he won’t call. I did ask him about being a musician and teased him about women chasing him. I wasn’t acting jealous just curious. I guess that scared him off. I want to go out as friends first but can’t get him to respond. I’ve backed off for a while but would like to go to dinner and have a conversation. I’m not sure what went wrong but I can’t get him off my mind. He’s 60 and I’m 59. There was chemistry with both of us but we never even got to the first date. How can I get him to reconsider? We both live in the same town. Where did I go wrong?
Risky pictures? Does he just want sex? Did you? Did he decide something else? The thing is, if he doesn’t tell you, it leaves you guessing.
I have an unusual dilemma, I’m sorta, kinda seeing a man. He’s 12 years younger than I am. Honestly I have more of a problem with this than he does. Not that it should matter but I’m a 52 year old personal trainer with the body of a 25 year old woman. The reason it does matter is, I have the maturity and experience of a 52 woman, if you know what I mean? And I drive him crazy with desire. Anyway, he was divorced about 5 years ago and is so scared of commitment that he refuses to even date. He wants to be friends with benefits, but I need more. I break it off, he leaves me alone for a few weeks then slowly creeps back in. I honestly have told him what I need, he says he’ll try, but in the end he stays the same. I do love him with all my heart, but it’s killing me. I do work on his hero instinct and it’s true it works to a point. But fear rules him. I don’t know what to do. He won’t commit and he won’t leave me alone. Please help me.
Hi Lori,
I know you must really care about him and also be quite frustrated with the lack of progression in your relationship. I want to recommend two reports by James that may help you in your situation. The first is called The 4 Questions To Get Commitment. This report delves into fears and uncertainty and offers tools that may help get him to commit to a relationship with you.
The second report is called The Emotionally Unavailable Man Unmasked. And this one can help you see if the relationship you want is right for YOU.
I’m rooting for you Lori!
Best,
Tracey
Move on. He is not going to change for you. He is only going to keep hurting you. There are plenty of men that would love to be with a fit and successful woman, find one of them. You need to find a man with the maturity to meet you in the type of relationship that you desire.