I like small changes that get big results.
I have a small change to suggest today.
You’ve probably done it before. I’m just suggesting you do it again (and perhaps more often).
“Attracting Through Irresistible Qualities”… That’s the tagline I wish I had been clever enough to think of when I started my BeIrresistible.com website.
Those of you who have been through my relationship course, What Men Secretly Want will be familiar with this next concept.
It’s easier to approach someone when you have something to give.
You tend to feel a little more awkward and hesitant to approach a stranger when there’s something you want.
Imagine you’re sitting in an airport, waiting for your flight to board. In the same waiting area there’s an attractive, eligible-looking man sitting nearby. Score!
The presence of an attractive man is one thing; finding an easy way to start a conversation with him is another.
Imagine he gets up to board the plane, and you notice he left his cell phone behind.
Suddenly, approaching him becomes very easy. You have something to give. You are the giver. In that role, you feel relaxed and confident about catching his attention.
It’s very different when you start with something you want.
You get all hot and sweaty trying to think up a good excuse for striking up a conversation. The fear is that he will see through you and know what you want. You’re not ready to reveal that level of interest. You feel awkward.
Being irresistible means practicing the mental states that cause others to feel drawn to you.
So I want to encourage you to get into a particular frame of mind more often. I’m talking about the frame of mind of someone who is a giver.
One of my favorite ways to do this is to send a blessing into the lives of other people I encounter during the course of my day.
It reverses the human tendency to automatically make judgments about other people all day long.
As I cross a crowded street, my human mind automatically judges other people.
I may judge the way they style their hair, how tall or short they are, whether they seem to be more attractive than me or less attractive than me. Do they seem more affluent than me, or less?
All that judging is stressful on the human soul. It leaves me either feeling superior to others or inferior to others. I find neither position helpful.
When I catch myself judging someone else, it now serves as my automatic reminder to send a blessing. I become a giver.
When I become a giver, there’s a subtle change in the way I walk. There’s a subtle gentleness, a sort of kindness in my eyes.
It could be entirely in my imagination, but I believe I exude warmth when I am succeeding at adopting the role of a giver.
You may or may not have read some of the interesting research studies about the way simple prayers can positively impact the course of events for patients in hospitals.
I was once employed as a research assistant for a meta-analysis of a lot of those studies. It was interesting, but kind of odd to me.
To me, it seems an intercessory prayer is something spiritual, not something you are likely to succeed at measuring with scientific methods.
Nonetheless, astonishing results have been documented. Positive intentions and mental blessings seem to do something that science can measure.
Regardless of whether that is actually true, the mental act of sending a blessing puts you in the role of a giver.
And that has real power.
I recommend you adopt this habit as your own. If it feels right to you, speak a blessing in your thoughts each time you approach a person you would like to connect with.
It will bring a subtle change, but a change in the right direction. It will enhance your charisma.
You will take on the confidence of the giver.
And even if it does nothing for your charisma, perhaps there is a chance you have done something positive for someone else.
Always on your side,
Wow! Again, as always, good stuff James! Thank you so much. This article made me realize that my folks raised me to be non-judgmental. I never really realized that before. Always looking for the positive in others. Never a negative. I totally see that being a “positive” thinker, a “giver”, is less stressful on our own soul and a plus on our own personality. Again, thank you for your wisdom and wonderful advice.
Thank you. Your advice is a blessing🙏❤️
This was beautiful, good and right, James. Thank you, friend, teacher!
James, this article i just read above are true words. i personally always get asked in my personal life and work, how i have a smooth way about doing things and people get drawn to me..whether it is my sense of humor or personality.. i just say i dont know..i guess life experience.. but honestly i have consciously said this self less prayer since i was 16 yrs old, i had hard ships in my life then that almost changed my course in an unfavorable direction.. and i wondered if other people in my position ever pray or meditate…so i said a humble prayer including people i didnt even know..i asked for forgiveness and asked the superior being to ease the pain and sufferring, then doors started opening in my life…i came to united states..i went to college ..worked hard.. landed a job that makes a good living in california and the rest is history..
Thanks so much for that reminder, James. I’ve been pretty me-focused lately because of a recent and ongoing illness and just last evening caught myself being impatient and judgmental towards one of my condo neighbours. We often have no idea what burdens another human is carrying and it does so much good for all concerned if we send out a brief prayer asking for the best for them. Your message today was just what I needed.
I love your emails and read them daily. I share them frequently. I am so grateful that you wrote about blessings in this article. My life has changed since my perception of life has changed. This was ignited by turning my life over to Christ and also adopting all of the advice that you have provided in your material. Thank you so much and that you for the Blessing. Many blessings to you!
Awesome. Thanks for sharing that.
Always good to read these emails ❤️
I signed up to membership with Be Irresistible at a low point in my life after separating from a long but quite unhappy marriage. I was searching for help and guidance in a world where i realised I did not understand men or relationships. I found it in the words and insight you offer. Those are blessings to me. I just want to thank you and give back my gratitude ?
I really appreciate you sharing that, Jill. It makes my day.
This is exactly how I live my daily life is to touch someone else. Whether it be with a smile, compliment, or a physical touch, perhaps a conversation with a lonely person, or better yet just to listen to someone who is having a bad day. Sometimes all a person wants is someone who will listen, or just be there silently. Hold their hand, just a touch, not saying a word is monumental. No judgment, just I’m here for you, when you need me. When and if they want to talk. It is all about letting someone know they are never alone, because that’s all any of us want….it’s the human nature of us. To be loved unconditionally….and trust me your rewards are exceptional.
So always be there for someone, if it’s only a smile…. 🙂
This is wonderful! It is soooo true that if you have something to give to someone, you feel confident in approaching them. I love the saying a blessing for them idea. I’m going to try it out tomorrow and see what kinds of results I get. I have also gone throughout my day consciously giving a genuine compliment to anyone and everyone I came in close enough contact with. The guy at the Starbucks stand putting cream in beside me, the cashier at the grocery store, and even bosses and people I may normally feel Intimidated by. I love seeing them smile, and secretly I think having days like these are EVEN more enjoyable for me than for the people I’m complimenting!
CORRECTION ON MY PREVIOUS POST:
*I had being doing that for many other people as I was learning to become a non-judgmental person.
Hi James, I always look forward to receiving a word from you. From my very first time reading your article I knew you were anointed and I should spend some time getting to know you through your work. I’ve been truly touched from what you care to share with all of us and how you choose to let your love and passion for your work grace each one of us. Thank you!
This article “Sending Blessings” speaks to so very deeply and meaningfully. About 6 months ago God prompted me to say a prayer for someone who was acting very ugly. The thing is, is that this person is someone who is held in high regards in the lives of others as a person of God (Jesus). That same God prompted me to not judge but pray instead.
I had being doing that for many other people as I was learning not to become a non-judgmental person. I have to say that the journey has been wonderful and has even drawn the most difficult people to me, especially men. They tend to seek me out after hearing about me. They tend to communicate with me a great deal and become very emotional around me without shame (I never shame them, I accept and respect them for who they are). They tend to trust me and feel safe with me. It’s quite amazing what men will share when they feel safe with you. In turn, they have all become very protective of me. They’re natural tendency to provide just shows up.
There is real power in this thing and I have to be careful and very responsible with it. My Life is so Exponentially Better since I’ve been Sending Blessings in the Lives of Others.
Love this James! This should be common practice in all areas of our lives. Imagine the change in the effort for world peace and a return to community through such a conscious practice.
May You Be Blessed by Kate Nowak
wonderfully touch of the power of the blessing!
look, a lot of time I was considering myself as a”thunder keeper” of the negative emotions of the people around me, and now I loose my patience more often than before!
you remember me something very important !
to feel and act as early i do it so easy!
Kate Nowak when I found her back in 2007! her soft way to bless impress me deeply that I can”t resist to share it with you all…
hope you may feel her grace of soul and keep it longer alive..by practice…
the best way to avoid being virused by negativity display worldwide!
Must say that since 2008 when discovered the Bible I get more serious the importance of the spirituality filled with content! I mean, when God has Laws is a duty to know them, than to be sure our inner person built from within with the proper manifestation of the spirit !
Kate Novak may inspire you to search more about God ways…
especially regarding the LOVE and the FAMILY FOUNDATION!
Proverbs 31, 1 Corinthians 11:3, 11…1 Corinthians 13:1-13 the most wonderfull love letter ever written !
the practice is not easy but deserve a try! 🙂
It has been a while since I replied to you.
This message is a great one. I meet people with a smile regardless who they are. If I have an opportunity to say something nice to them I do.
I like you giving us good advice and sharing it with others.
Thank you. You are appreciated.
this is awesome, i have been doing something like this but now i will do more. thanks a lot. James be blessed!!!