“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou
They say you never forget how to ride a bike. It’s a different kind of memory than factual knowledge.
The memory for how to ride a bike is stored as an experience, not as something you can put into words and share with somebody else.
If only we could share those experience-type memories. Then children wouldn’t need to crash their bikes repeatedly as they learn how to ride. Someone would just give them the manual that explains it all and then send them on their way.
The same thing goes for the special gift some people have for making other people feel good about themselves. If only we could put that in a manual and pass it around.
Do you know someone with that special knack, that gift for making you feel good about yourself?
It’s like your blood pressure lowers the second you see them rounding a corner to talk with you. It becomes increasingly easy to “just be yourself” around them as they repeatedly prove their full acceptance of who you are.
I’m calling this knack “a gift,” because it seems some people were just born with it. Although, I now question that assumption.
Perhaps it can be learned.
How do you learn something like this? My guess is you start with the will to succeed. And then add practice and persistence.
That little recipe seems to be the powerful formula behind many talents worth developing.
Do you want to develop the knack for making people feel good? If so, there’s one more seed I want to plant in your thoughts.
It comes in the form of a quote from a fictional book I enjoyed. The quote captures a profound truth in words.
“It’s the questions we can’t answer that teach us the most. They teach us how to think. If you give a man an answer, all he gains is a little fact. But give him a question and he’ll look for his own answers.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear
So here is my question for you today. How can you practice the art of making someone else feel good in your presence? What unique methods might you try?
This is one of those quests that has value even during the journey toward achieving success. Because you’ll like yourself better for having tried.
And if you like yourself for merely trying, it’s not because you have achieved perfection. Rather, it’s because you have set out on a path toward something you believe to be worthwhile.
Perhaps that is one potential answer to my own question. The quest to discover how I can make others feel good when they interact with me.
So I’ll practice using it on you today…
Are you heading in a good direction? Well then, that is enough. You have earned my respect and admiration in that simple choice.
Always on your side,
James
Where can I order your book on how to make a man remember me
Hi Anonymous!
James has a mini course called Be Unforgettable. This might just be what you’re looking for!
Best,
Tracey
Hi James, I truly love all the help you have given me in my relationship with your constant emails. I am always looking forward to the next one!! I joined with you because my fiancé has recently strayed from our relationship and I wanted to do everything I could to “get him back” however, the more I read the more I wanted to do things for me. All your words have given me completely new mindsets that i take forward into any and all relationships I have. I’ve become more patient, understanding, open and a better listener….Anyway, back to my fiancé, I had found out he was texting 1 on 1 with another female whom he works with. This is the second time this has happened with the same woman. He swore it never got physical, should i believe him? But, does that even really matter? The fact is he broke my trust, again!! Am I stupid for still staying? For thinking of all the things he has done good instead of the 2 times he did bad? See, he shows me in little ways that he loves me but to be completely honest I felt that he loved me during the whole time he was cheating so how do I know now if he does? I’m wanting his apology to be louder than his disrespect, if that makes any sense. Now besides him, can you give me advice on how to work on my trust with him? I have letten go with bringing things that bother me up to him. I’ve letten go of checking his phone or questioning his location. Does that mean I’m giving up or I’m healing myself? Are we DOOMED or do you think we could have a chance? Please help!! TIA
Hi Puddin,
Thanks so much for your comment! Your situation sounds complicated and I feel like you’d greatly benefit from being a part of our community and some back and forth consultation. I recommend that you bring it up in our private forum where we have actual relationship coaches on staff to answer questions and give advice. To access this forum, you would need to sign up for the Irresistible Insiders Club.
Within this private community, you can also ask questions and share experiences with like-minded women and our most advanced members. This way you can get extra real-time feedback and support for your unique situation.
Warm wishes,
Tracey T.
Hi Puddin,
I’m sure I’m not exactly who you wanted a reply from, but either way here is my point of view:
Focus on how is this situation making you feel, do you feel in peace with the choice of staying with him or is there a tiny voice telling you to let go? We tend to spect others to give us the answer when we already have it…
In terms of how to get you to trust him again, be open with how you feel and what do you feel you need in order to feel secure again (it’s different for everyone), I think in this cases communication is the key.
Hope this helps!
This is a message today about questions & perhaps the question you need to ask yourself is why you are settling for less than what you are so deserving of? Would the answer possibly be that you will feel alone? If so, try reframing that answer to embracing solitude. Solitude is peaceful, solitude allows you to be you, to discover your wonderful person-tude! If this person has now done this behavior twice (that you know of), he absolutely will do it again & deep down, you know that that is the truth, don’t you? And if you marry that twat, for sure you will live a life always questioning, always doubting & is that the life that you saw for yourself. Be strong, kick him to the curb, eat some chocolate & then go do something that is a dream that you have tucked away inside. Is it a trip? There are great solo tour groups. Is it a course? Then sign yourself up! Just do it & be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself! You can do this & just know that other women are standing here, cheering you on! Now, get rid of this Putz, he is dragging you down. Good luck!!!!!
I just lost my husband of almost 15 years. Found out I had a tumor..I met this guy a week after..we did alot together. It was me and my 2 boys of 8 and 12..he gave me hope amd life when I didn’t have any. He showed me love I I never felt before. He held my hand when we would go out. We went fishing, boating and lots of out door time. He would paint my toe nails and cuddle with me on the couch.he was with me when they gave me 2 or 3 years to live.i did do treatment..I did good for about 5 months. I started going back down. After 3 months in the relationship he asked me to move in. I wasnt sure and I didn’t say anything. I have my own trust issues. He always thought I I want someone else and if I wasnt with him. I am very bad at communicating. I believe I hurt him by not saying anything. My aunt told him to give him a chance..about a month or 2 later I talked to him about it.he decided not to..I was scared and hurt and in a very bad depression. I didn’t know what I did wrong in my marriage. I had no job to show I wasn’t gonna have him to take care of me. My kids were acting out..I was stressed. He is a show me type of person. I did fall in love with him and want him back.we dates about a year.he left then like 3 months later came back for about 8 months. He thinks I have no goals and big picture of my life. I did though. I never really told him how I really felt about the whole scared part.he is a good person. I always called him my angel because when I was with him I felt like I was in heaven..no care on the world. I always felt important and loved. I think I pushed him away. He always asked about my medical and watched me with my kids. He thinks I dont punish them and they get away with everything. In reality they dont. With my older one I didn’t want to have a big fight in front of him and his 3 kids.i miss him..he does call or text ever so often. I know he says he dont love me like he used to.i know he still does.hes always giving me mixed signals. He says he wants casual but when I come over he acts like we back in a relationship. I dont know what to do.i dont want to lose him but I dont want to not talk to him either. Scared I’ll never see him again. His family always told him it will be hard with him because hes been hurt so many times. Hes told menin the beginning there may be may times he may not want to do something but I may have to push him some. I know we are meant to be.how do I show him that?
Prayers
James,
I’m not 100% sure what I should do. My bf and I have been together for 4yrs now but we actually met almost 20yrs ago our friendship was more of a run into each other over the years and hang out with me and my now ex. As on schedule 4yrs ago I ran into him again. It has been a bumpy start with him and his issues with his ex’s both cheaters (druggie baby momma and the up and go disappear) then his kid being taken away back to the mom, lost job, moved back to mom’s and felt less of a man. Put a strain on us. Made me feel like I was not in his life(no emotional connection, nothing). Which unfortunately caused a misunderstanding of him saying at the end of the fight I’m done and slamming the car door and I ended up going to a friend’s house and kind of having relations with the guy and the next day finding out we weren’t broke up and now he doesn’t trust me at all and then that every time I’m with anybody all I ever do is cheat on him when I’m not he thinks I’m lying about every single thing I do and this year I had emergency brain surgery back in March, I heard only his voice well I was completely heavily sedated and still unconscious and it was March 11th when I had the surgery I woke up March 14th with him there so I’ve always think you know I can only hear his voice I woke up to him you know to me that’s the second chance and so yeah I’ve been trying to make sure I tell him every single thing even if it is stupid and Petty type of thing so he still thinks I’m lying and running around cheating on them since we don’t live together so I don’t know if it’s something I’m doing wrong is there anything you can do to help me I was hoping maybe if I made myself more attractive like I lost 10 lb in the hospital since I originally went into the hospital on the 4th of March and I was unconscious from the 4th to the 11th to the 14 days…10days I was unconscious so it’s like all my body did was just eat all the fat that it was on me so I lost 10 lb Plus for me finally got to my weight low but now I mean more people are hitting on me and he doesn’t seem to understand that I’m now worth more to everybody else but I don’t hear me be worth more than him so what do I need to do to make him realize that now what are you doing wrong. Like I want to talk to him and tell him that like I choose him because I need him to help me get through this cancer stuff and I want his help to help me on fix up my home she may get our home to pass on a generations from now my daughter is 6th generation in my home and so sorry about the run-ons I’m using Google speak and part of my tumor sorry but I know I want to do it like we just like a fence thing together and it was wonderful bonding and I know it somebody talked about how I need to non-negotiables where I want to be and our relationship and then the bonding and communication. All of which is what I want to do like I really want him I really love him maybe a jerk and an a****** and selfish and mama’s boy but he makes me smile he makes me feel good you know I still get butterflies even though I’m 40 years old he may say some really hurtful things name calling and below the belt and bring it up the past and then I’m trying to you know make a jab and do the same thing. But I apologize and tell him that I don’t mean it but I want to make this work so you have any advice that you could help me with please and thank you. I just want to spend the rest of my life with somebody makes me happy and smile and like to do the things I like to do.
Sincerely,
Angela
It sounds like the two of you have a lot going on. Have you thought about couples counseling? The two of you have some decisions to make. The first one being, do you both want to stay together? If not, cut your losses and call it good. Better now than after more years of hurting and running each other down. If you do want to stay together than I would strongly suggest counseling, if for no other reason than to learn to fight fair. That means packing up all of the old issues and granting forgiveness for all of the transgressions and agreeing to only address the current issues in your discussions. The counseling can help with other things too but both of you need to want to be there.
I love all the comments here, there is a wealth of experience and wisdom here. Thank you & bless you all.