I have nothing against a cute headline for your dating profile. Just make sure your tagline, or sub headline, makes a statement rather than being generic.
Focus on a single, compelling idea or “angle” rather than trying to cram your whole personality into the headline.
Many women start off their dating profile with generic bits of information. The information does not seem generic to them, but it does to a stranger browsing through pictures with headlines and short taglines. Let me explain.
“Fun-loving gal, seeks emotionally mature partner who knows how to have a good time!” This is an extremely generic headline.
It has the, “I like to party,” flavor to it, but that is such a generic flavor that it is unlikely to stand out to a man who might be a good match.
It would be better if she wrote something specific. Something more likely to catch the attention of the specific kind of man she wants to end up with.
i know why you resist using specific details. It makes you feel like you are focusing on too narrow of an aspect of your life and personality. But that specific information has only one purpose. It needs to catch the attention of a man. That’s it.
If you can achieve that single goal, he will learn more about you by digging deeper into your online profile. When he digs deeper he can get a more fleshed-out understanding of your life situation, desires, and interests.
Here’s the key to a statement that is compelling rather than generic. Focus on a single, compelling idea or “angle” using both the headline and tagline.
Dating websites have different formats and space allotments for headlines, taglines, or whatever they call them on a given site. Use whatever space you have to communicate a single idea that will stand out among all the generic taglines.
It takes a single big idea to jolt someone awake and make them aware of your profile. You want to stand out, not convince them you are the one for them. That comes later.
Here are three examples to demonstrate the concept of focusing on a single, specific idea:
“I spend more time in my garden than in front of the TV.”
“Join my mission to retire in Costa Rica before age 55.”
“I have three dogs named after the Three Stooges.”
Jacques Maritain said, “We don’t love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.”
And C. S. Lewis once wrote, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You, too? I thought I was the only one.” When you share a very specific thing about yourself, you become a real person rather than a generic profile statement. You suddenly become interesting as a human being.
Each of the statements above communicates something specific and real. Some people are instantly drawn to dog lovers and people with a sense of humor.
That kind of person will feel compelled to learn about the person behind that third tagline, even though she never said, “I have a great sense of humor,” or, “I am a pet lover.” She could have said it that way, but it would have sounded bland and generic.
Once you have his attention, he will click on your profile to read your personal statement. That’s where you should tell just one story that supports your headline in an entertaining way. Alternatively, you could support that idea with one or two compelling facts about yourself.
Edwin Schlossberg said, “The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.” If you do this successfully, it means your story will cause him to think about what it would be like to contact you or be in a relationship with you. That’s the kind of thinking we want to happen.
I want you specifically to engineer your story so that a certain kind of person wants to envision their self with you.
At the end of your profile you should direct the reader to take one and only one action. It sounds crazy, but men reading your profile will be far more likely to contact you if you tell them to contact you. I know that sounds really weird. I wouldn’t put it in this article if it wasn’t true.
Have fun, and be safe!
James
I read a lot of your articles, James Bauer, and find them helpful. I am widowed- We were married for 58 years and now after almost three years, I would like so much to meet a nice man who is attractive and compatible for me to share some time with me and enjoy each other’s company. Although I just turned 80, people think that I am in my sixties– I’m attractive and have a nice figure and am physically and mentally active and still work full time seasonally. I have joined senior dating sites but once the contract ended I did not renew them. I found that these sites did not produce anything for me–I was not interested in the men who were interersted in me. Do you have any advice for me? Thanks
Hi, Barbara. It sounds like you would make the right man very happy that he didn’t give up. And for that to be possible, he needs you to keep trying.
Maybe the dating sites have a low success rate, but if you accept that as the nature of how they work, you might be willing to persist in using a tool like that despite a history of dissapointing results so far.
Beyond that, we need to increase your surface area for luck. What I mean by that is that we need to keep putting you in situations where you have the opportunity to get to know people who might be the right person or who might know the right person they want to introduce you to.
Part of the trick with that is to be willing to tell some people in your immediate social circles that you are interested in introductions. Everyone loves to play the matchmaker role, and if you tell them how to describe you, it may give them some confidence to help you make the right connection.
That’s just one very simple idea. But it tends to work fairly well if you give it time to percolate. There are many other ways to increase your surface area for luck. Half of the game is creating a positive expectation that you will meet the right person. This helps you to see opportunities you might have otherwise overlooked.
James
I had a blast writing my profile. I outlined, in story-ish fashion, some of the cool “country” things I like to do, i.e. hunting, fishing, growing food, etc. Then I sprinkled in bits of humor and other tidbits. At the end, I told readers if they wanted to know more (and I had already written a l.o.n.g. profile), to contact me.
I included a lot of photos to back up what I was saying. Real life photos, not posed selfies.
The results were amazing and, for the most part, lots of fun. One guy even told me my profile read like a Louis L’Amour novel – he couldn’t wait to read the next chapter. 🙂
Wow, that’s fun. It’s a bit too private to share here, but I wish you could post it for others to learn from. Glad it’s been a fun process for you.
I need Help writing a fun profile. I want to attract the one man who wants s serious relationship- marriage minded… not the play boy type… …?..
How about, “players, please don’t call – I’m not into that kind of dating”?
Great article. As a marketer I know it’s important to catch the customers’ attention, but this is actually rather fun to apply in the dating game too if you do it the right way 🙂
“Show don’t tell!!!” is the best way to get positive attention IMHO… That’s where we shine the most, because we don’t need to tell it – we just need to show what we’re competent at or have a certain hobby/interest in.
Also, in my experience it pays to have some “testemonials” in your profile. What people say about us is usually better than you say it yourself. On my dating profile I added some quotes from my friends and honestly relayed it on my profile. I got a lot of positive response from that. It’s like a company that wants it customers to tell the story – not the company itself, and boom! The trust rate increases dramatically 😉
That’s a cool idea. I like the idea of letting your friends describe you.