A relationship is a HUGE investment of time and energy.
And you’re investing your heart.
Why would you give your heart to someone who just wants to play around?
Sometimes, it’s easy to tell who the timewasters are.
They’re the guys who admit they’re not looking for anything serious.
But other times, the timewaster is a guy you REALLY care about.
You really enjoy being with him. He really enjoys being with you.
You’ve been together for a while. You like all the same things. You get along great.
But he just won’t take that next step.
He won’t call you his girlfriend. He won’t spend more time with you. He won’t talk about the future.
Is he wasting your time?
Or does he just need a very big nudge?
When someone wastes your time, it makes you mad.
They’re taking something from you that you can never get back.
We’re all here on earth for a limited time. Time is our most precious resource.
When you’re ready to get married and settle down, you don’t want anyone to use up time that you could be holding back for the love of your life.
So when the thought crosses your mind that this guy you really care about could be wasting your time…
It feels like you’re being lied to.
He’s only pretending to be into you, when in actual fact he’s just stealing time from you, with no intentions of committing.
You feel powerless. You feel used. You feel taken advantage of.
That’s why I urge my clients to make a simple mindset shift.
This shift helps them feel empowered. It honors what they have with this man instead of diminishing it.
And it helps them make a better decision about whether to stay or go.
Take Your Power Back
Instead of asking yourself if he’s wasting your time…
Ask yourself this:
“Do I want to continue GIVING my time to him?”
You see, no one is “stealing time” from anyone.
He’s giving time to you, and you’re giving your time to him.
You can change that arrangement at any moment.
Once you realize this, you can step into your own power.
You can see that you’re choosing to be with him. You can change that decision at any time, based on your desires, needs, and goals.
So how do you know whether to keep giving him your time?
You ask yourself these 3 questions.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself
#1. Have you been able to have an honest conversation about the future?
It can feel like guys avoid talking about the future so that they can get out of making a concrete commitment.
But often women won’t bring up the topic, either, for fear that talking about it will scare him off.
When you ask him what his intentions are, he might be honest and say he doesn’t see a future with you.
Or he might be dishonest and claim that he’s considering a future with you, just to string you along.
Or he might react by breaking things off with you, since you clearly want something more and he doesn’t.
That’s a lot of risk for very little reward!
Here’s a more effective way of doing it:
Talk to him about what relationships are for.
Discuss questions like:
- Why do we even have relationships in the first place?
- What does a good relationship look like?
- Should relationships change and evolve, or should they stay the same?
- What could your relationship become, if you stuck at it?
#2. Has he already shown you what he wants from the relationship through his actions?
I’ve always liked the idea that relationships can be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Your guy may be with you for a reason. He may be with you for a season.
He may have already shown you through his behavior that he is or isn’t thinking of a lifetime.
If you can’t see clearly—and it’s very hard to see a relationship clearly when you’re in it—then ask your closest friends.
Ask people you trust to tell you the truth about what they see when they look at him and your relationship.
Does he seem like a reason, season, or lifetime guy?
#3. Are you better because of this relationship?
There’s another question that can be more helpful than, “Is he wasting my time?”
It’s the question:
“Am I wasting my own time?”
If you’re world is not expanded by this relationship, if you’re not discovering more about yourself through the relationship, if it’s not inspiring you to be your best self…
Then this relationship may not be the most worthwhile use of your time.
Great relationships make us more than we were.
They don’t keep us small, stuck, stressed and unsure.
You are in charge of your time.
And you get to decide how to spend it.