Men have a problem.
They have a hard time knowing if a woman is interested in them…
Or just being nice.
And as you probably know from first hand experience, women have the same problem. 🙂
It’s hard to tell if that guy wants to talk to you because he’s interested in what you’re saying…
Or because he’s hoping you like him.
We’re not very good at reading ambiguous signals.
It’s obvious when someone is clearly hitting on you, and it’s obvious when they’re just being polite, but there’s a lot of ground in the middle that could be interpreted either way.
Men tend to err in the opposite direction to women.
Men are more likely to perceive a woman as interested when she’s just being friendly…
While women are more likely to perceive a man as being friendly when he’s actually interested.
Evolutionary psychologists believe it’s because of the way we’ve socially evolved.
They argue that men have evolved to seek multiple partners to spread their genes, so men tend to see sexual opportunities everywhere.
Women, on the other hand, are choosier about their mates, so they tend to discount signs of interest unless a man is particularly persistent—thereby showing he has what it takes to commit.
Others say there’s no need to bring evolution into it.
We ALL have difficulty reading other people’s minds. It’s part of being human.
All we can do is make assumptions, and the assumption we most commonly make is that other people think the same way we do.
Which is why men tend to think women are interested (because they’re interested) while women tend to think men are being friendly (because they’re being friendly).
So how can you avoid being caught off guard when that friendly guy suddenly makes it clear he was hoping for more?
You look for these 3 signs.
1. He acts differently around you.
A guy who is friendly will be friendly to everyone.
He’ll chat. He’ll laugh. He’ll lock eyes.
He knows how to make whoever he’s talking to feel like a star.
So if you know a dozen women who think this guy is flirting with them, then it’s probably just the way he is.
But if this guy seems to act differently around you…
He lingers to talk to you, he seems awkward, he breaks his normal routine to be around you…
Then he is seeing something in you that he doesn’t see in other women.
He wants to know more about you.
He wants to feel out your level of interest in him.
And most of all, he wants to know if you have a boyfriend.
2. He tries to find out if you’re single.
You’re chatting with a guy and having a perfectly lovely conversation when, out of the blue, he says…
“I’ll bet your boyfriend wouldn’t like you talking to me.”
You wonder where in the world he got that idea. You don’t even have a boyfriend!
And you tell him so.
If you keep your eyes pinned on him, you may detect a very faint expression.
A smirk or a slight widening of the eyes.
His trick worked.
He got you to reveal your romantic status, and now he can flirt with you openly.
3. He suggests doing something together.
Every man knows that a flirtation will go nowhere unless you can spend time together one-on-one.
It’s one thing if that guy in the coffee shop flirts with you every time you come in…
It’s another if he suggests showing you his favorite bookstore.
Men often start feeling out a woman’s level of interest by suggesting low-risk activities.
A guy at the gym might suggest showing you how to do an exercise with proper form.
If you say yes, and you respond positively to his flirtatious comments, then he may progress to asking you if you want to do something else, such as working out together sometime.
That progression—from low-commitment interactions to regular and sustained engagement—is a clear sign he’s laying the groundwork for something more.
What if he suggests doing something and you turn him down?
For you, it’s not a big deal. He made a friendly suggestion, it didn’t work for you, and that’s the end of it.
But he may take it to mean you’re not interested in him.
His friendly overtures may dry up.
If you suspect that’s what’s happening, and you don’t want to discourage him, you can always temper your refusal with an alternative:
“Sorry, I can’t do tomorrow, but what about next Friday?”
That’s a clear sign to him that you’re interested, too!
Which brings us to one of the fastest ways to determine whether he’s interested or just being nice…
Let him know you enjoy his company and you should hang out sometime…
Then sit back and see how soon he asks you out.