Allow me to briefly explain what I’ve discovered.
Your self-image and romantic life are closely linked.
Consider the dating app called Tinder. Well, actually, let’s consider a study done about Tinder.
Researchers set out to understand the differences in how men and women take selfies for this dating app. Here’s what they discovered. The majority of men look down at the camera when taking selfies. Most women look up.
The researchers concluded this could be attributed to several different factors. Most men are taller than most women, so it could just be pragmatic. But they also floated the theory that camera position was indicative of something deeper.
What if it has to do with . . . how we see ourselves? For example, do men look down because they feel confident as they approach dating? Are women implying something about their self-worth by looking up at men?
There wasn’t anything conclusive about this research. But it got me thinking. How you see yourself plays a huge role in how other people see you. Especially in the context of a romantic relationship.
People can read your self-image like an instruction manual. It tells them a lot about how you expect to be treated.
Without even realizing you’re doing it, you’re showing him how to treat you, how much to respect you, what the balance of power in the relationship should be, and even how much he should value you.
Of course, taking the time to cultivate your self-image is good for you even if you’re single. You’ll be happier with a strong self-image. Plus, the better your self-image is, the better your dating experiences will be.
So, what does it take to boost your self-image? There are three questions that can lead you to a useful answer.
None of these questions are complex, but they will push you to do some honest self-exploration.
Are you up for it?
What’s your motivation?
This is a great reminder. It works in any context. It can help you remember what’s really important to you.
In the world of dating, knowing your motivation is the key to getting what you want. But you have to be honest with yourself. What is it you really want? Companionship? A good time? A soul-mate connection?
Answering this question will put you in touch with your emotional needs, which play into your self-image in some profound ways.
What makes you different from other women?
This question is all about developing your personal identity. And yes, you already know how you’re different from your friends. This is another powerful reminder.
No other woman out there is you. There are things that make you unique. You should know what sets you apart.
Answering this question will put you in touch with your one-of-a-kind qualities, which helps to establish your sense of individuality.
Why do you deserve to be treated well?
And one more reminder. You deserve to be treated well. Because everyone deserves love. Everyone does deserve love . . . because there’s something special and unique about everyone, including you.
You bring specific gifts to your relationships. The man who ends up with you will be one lucky guy. Why will he be lucky? What is it that makes YOU lovable?
Answering this question will put you in touch with your underlying value as a person, which is the foundation of your self-esteem.
When you can answer those three questions, guys will treat you differently.
These questions aren’t really about discovery. You already know your needs, what makes you unique, and why you deserve to be treated well. Rather, this mental exercise is about self-awareness.
Sometimes we need relatively simple reminders of things we already know to set us up for success.
And I know you want romantic success. These questions will put you in the right frame of mind to make that a reality.
 Sedgewick, Jennifer R., et al. “Presenting Your Best Self(ie): The Influence of Gender on Vertical Orientation of Selfies on Tinder.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 8, 2017, doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00604.