I Dare You to Have This Conversation

Is everything going well with you and your guy?

Great, even?

Then it might be time to have A Talk.

No, not that kind of talk!

But rather a Relationship Check-in.

It’s like a tune-up for your bond, making sure you’re still in sync.

When you first started dating, you may have had these talks instinctively.

You talked about what you wanted from the relationship. You shared what you appreciated about each other. You problem-solved and dreamed about the future.

But as time goes by, those talks tend to fade.

You stop asking the important questions.

You assume you know what each other wants.

But people change. Dreams change.

If you don’t keep checking in, you might end up going in different directions.

The Scariest Sentence You Can Hear

The 6 most terrifying words in a relationship are:

“We need to have a talk.”

You just know it’s not going to be good.

Many couples only discuss serious relationship stuff when things go wrong.

When you say, “We need to have a talk,” he thinks, “She’s going to tell me I messed up.”

When he says, “We need to have a talk,” you think, “He’s about to break up with me.”

Talking about the relationship feels like navigating through landmines. It doesn’t seem worth the risk.

But talking regularly about your relationship can help you both feel more connected, handle problems early, and feel more like a team.

So get into the habit of talking about your relationship even if it’s going well.

That way, when it’s time to address something difficult, you’re not nervous. You’ve had so many of these conversations that you know you can handle it.

But how do you get your guy on board?

Convincing Him

As a woman, you may find it inherently rewarding to talk about your relationship. You’re good at discussing relationship stuff.

But he may not feel the same.

He may worry that anything he says will turn into a fight or be held against him.

So broach the topic by emphasizing the benefits.

You might say:

  • “I was reading about how couples benefit from regular check-ins, and I thought it might be something worth exploring together. Wanna try?”
  • “I love us and what we have, and I want to make sure we’re always in tune with each other’s needs and desires. What do you think about setting aside time for regular conversations to make sure we’re both on the same page?”

How to Do A Check-In

Next, explain to him how it works.

  • Pick a time. Agree on how often you want to check in. It could be weekly or monthly. Choose a place you both like where you can chat without distractions.
  • Make it fun. Turn it into a date! Talk over ice cream, a walk, or wherever you both feel comfortable.
  • Begin and end with love. Share something you appreciate about each other before diving into serious stuff. Remember: what’s said in the check-in stays there. No holding grudges.
  • Take it easy. It may feel awkward the first few times you do it. Don’t expect miracles. Your goal is to get good at having these conversations, even if it feels you didn’t accomplish anything.

Relationship Check-in Framework

Here is a framework you can use for inspiration. Take turns addressing these topics.

1. Gratitude

Express gratitude for something your partner did/does for you that you haven’t properly thanked them for.

2. Support

Ask, “Is there anything that’s been stressful for you lately that I don’t know about?”

“Is there anything I can do to make your days better or easier?”

4. Accountability

“Is there anything I’ve done recently that’s bothered you?”

“Are there any areas you think I might need to work on?”

5. Love

“Did I do anything recently that made you feel particularly loved?

“Is there anything I used to do for you that you’d like me to do again?”

6. Intimacy

“Are you happy with our physical connection? Anything you wish we did more of?”

“Do you feel like anything has been missing from our relationship?”

7. Future plans

“What are you looking forward to doing next week/month? Anything I can support you with?”

“Is there anything you wish would happen?”

8. Wrap up

“Is there anything bothering you that we haven’t talked about yet?”

“What is one thing I could do for you this week that would make you feel loved and supported?”

It can feel awkward to talk so formally about your relationship if you’re not used to it, but practice makes perfect.

Regular check-ins create the perfect environment to talk, listen, and grow together. Give it a shot, and you’ll feel the difference.

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