Do you instinctively know things about people the moment you meet them?

Most people do. Because we pick up on nonverbal signals.

I recently walked into a room of 13 people and immediately sensed something different about one of them.

She was their leader.

It was a room full of people I had never laid eyes on before. Yet I immediately felt the steady warmth and confidence she radiated.

The effect on me? I immediately relaxed. Because I’ve learned that confident leaders are easy to work with. They don’t feel insecure, so they have nothing to prove.

And it shows in the way they treat other people. They’re more focused on building others up than proving their own superiority. (By the way, that’s a good trait to look for in a man as well.)

I ended up having a really good time with that group of people over the next two hours. Maybe it’s because of the way a confident leader brings out the best in people.

As Joe Namath put it, “When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have a lot of fun, you can do amazing things.”

Do you want confidence? Do you want to feel so confident that you naturally bring out the best in people? If so, it helps to consider where confidence comes from.

My thought is that confidence is our natural state when we’re not feeling worried, afraid, or insecure. It’s how you act with your closest friends when no one else is around.

It seems some people just have a knack for bringing this same level of calm self-assurance into nearly all their interactions with others. Those people radiate confidence more often than the rest of us.

Is it because of their self-talk? Affirmations and all that? I don’t think so.

I believe our thoughts are powerful. And we should purposefully examine the belief systems we hold. But it’s my opinion that true confidence can only be achieved by weathering certain life experiences.

Bone-deep confidence comes from experience more than self-talk.

For example, If I want to do public speaking, all the self-talk in the world won’t stop my knees from shaking. But giving the same speech fifty times across the course of fifty days will eliminate my fear completely.

It might even start to feel boring. That’s the impact of experience. You end up with natural confidence that just emerges on its own.  

Similarly, affirmations can be helpful. You might benefit a little by telling yourself over and over that you are beautiful and worth of love. But you may gain even more confidence about your appearance by deciding you are worthy of the attention of a great hairstylist, a personal trainer, and a shopping trip to pick up some new clothes. In this case, your confidence emerges from doing things to ensure you feel your best.

When was the last time you took action to build up your confidence?

If it’s been a while, and you could use a systemic approach to follow through on the kinds of actions that make you feel more confident, then choose which of these three action guides would be most helpful to you.

Each link goes to a new article about building your confidence for a better social life.

As Dale Carnegie pointed out, “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

The articles above are designed to be catalysts for taking action. Choose one, and I’ll see you on the other side.


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