This is not how it was supposed to turn out.
You have spent so much time searching for a man who makes you feel like this.
You thought you might never find him.
And here he shows up in your life, bringing joy and laughter and fun and desire…
Making you feel wanted…
Making you feel hope…
Only to tell you that all he can offer you is going to bed with you and occasional companionship.
If you want to be with him, any thought of a relationship has to be off the table.
Either you agree to his conditions…
Or you never see him again.
Which would you choose?
The Impossible Dilemma
We live in a world where casual intimacy has become the default setting…
Not just for young people navigating hookup culture, or singles swiping to find love on dating apps, but for everyone else, too!
Whereas single women in the past expected their suitors to have marriage in mind, today’s dating culture is very much marriage-optional.
Which makes it easy for men to lead with the assertion that they’re not looking for anything serious. “I’ll hang out with you, but you can’t get anywhere near my heart.”
It’s such a poor offer.
Yet these men can count on continuing to meet interested women who will agree to their terms.
If women have options, too, why are they agreeing?
Here are just a few of the many reasons women might keep seeing a man who’s made it clear that a relationship is off limits.
- They’re genuinely happy with the arrangement. It suits them as well as it suits him.
- Some is better than none. Having some of a man’s attention is better than turning down his offer and being alone.
- They think he’ll change. They hope that spending time together will convince him this is true love.
- They don’t believe they have the right to ask for more. They believe that he has the right to set the terms of a relationship.
- They’re afraid they won’t meet anyone else as good as him. They value his intelligence, his looks, his compatibility, and so forth, more than his emotional availability.
This Is What It Does to You
What a man learns in this situation is fairly simple:
If he asks for what he wants, chances are he’ll get it.
He doesn’t have to think about the woman’s side, because she agreed. There’s no duplicity here. She knew he wanted something casual.
For some women, that’s fine. They’re quite happy with the situation. They enjoy the companionship.
But other women find that being with him without being together tears them apart.
They can’t stop wanting more.
They can’t stop thinking about the other women he’s seeing.
They can’t stop wondering what they’re lacking.
Their emotions are a rollercoaster.
Seeing him is both heaven and hell. Heaven is the dream that one day he’ll realize what he’s got. Hell is the way he acts so casually. He acts like this is just a physical connection.
No matter what, these women lose.
They don’t get the love relationship they’re yearning for.
And, as long as they’re yearning after him, their hearts will be closed to new love.
What can they do??
Keep waiting for him?
Or end the pain by taking their power back.
Half of Love Isn’t Enough
Romantic movies and books and songs are full of lovers saying:
- “I have to have you to be happy.”
- “I will do whatever it takes to be with you.”
- “No one will ever make me feel like you do.”
Surely that’s love, isn’t it? Love is when you pour everything you are and everything you will be into one person.
But the part we miss is this:
A living, thriving, flourishing love is NOT one-sided.
How you feel about him is only half the picture. The other half is how he feels about you.
If you feel an overwhelming sense of love towards him and he isn’t loving you like that in return, you’re only getting half the experience.
This is only HALF as good as it gets.
He’s giving you the bare minimum, and your heart is running with it. That’s proof of how incredible your heart is (and how incredible YOU are).
Imagine what it would be like to be with someone with a heart as open and generous as your own! No more arguing to get more time with him. No more struggling to get him to care.
Remind yourself that half of love isn’t good enough by swapping those seemingly romantic sayings for more empowering ones.
Don’t say, “I have to have you to be happy.”
Say, “Loving someone makes me happy.”
Don’t say, “I will do whatever it takes to be with you.”
Say, “You need to do what it takes to be with me.”
Don’t say, “No one will ever make me feel like you do.”
Say, “If I feel like this with you, I can feel this way again.”