Things weren’t going great to begin with.
Maybe you said something he disagreed with.
Maybe you had a fight.
Maybe he hadn’t been in contact and you just wanted to hear from him.
You went to message him…
And discovered you couldn’t.
He’d blocked you.
What do you do now?
Blocking Is The New Ghosting
Getting blocked feels like you’ve been punched in the gut.
It hurts enough when he doesn’t reply to your messages. But to cut off all contact like this? That’s cruel.
Not only does he want to end it, but he never wants to hear from you again—and he’s made sure of it.
Like ghosting, blocking is particularly painful because of the way it leaves everything hanging.
You don’t have a chance to talk to him again and make things right.
You can’t ask him what went wrong and beg forgiveness.
He’s abruptly cut off your relationship, leaving you confused, grieving, ashamed, lonely, and longing for one more chance.
All you need is 5 minutes to talk to him.
Maybe you can ask mutual friends to intervene. Maybe you can show up at his work. Maybe he hasn’t blocked you on every platform. Maybe there’s still a chance.
Take a deep breath…
And read the rest of this article before you do anything.
Why Men Block You
Why do men do this? Is it because they’re immature?
If he had any sense of respect for you, he’d tell you to your face that he didn’t want to talk to you anymore.
Blocking you seems like a childish act of revenge.
But is it?
Some men do block their partners out of anger.
It’s an impulsive act done in the heat of the moment.
Blocking you makes him feel good… at least temporarily.
Once he comes to his senses, he may regret doing it and quietly unblock you.
But anger isn’t the only emotion that spurs men to block their partners.
Sometimes they’re feeling suffocated, annoyed, or frustrated. They need space, but asking for space doesn’t feel like an option.
Once upon a time, if you needed a break from someone, you could avoid them. You just had to stay away from places they frequent and not answer your phone.
Today, we spend much of our time on social media sites and apps, where our contacts can see everything we’re doing.
If he wants a break from you, he either has to stop using those platforms or block you.
Blocking you doesn’t just erase you from his feed. It also ensures that you can’t see what he’s doing anymore. It gives him privacy online. He can breathe more freely, knowing there’s no chance he’ll run into you.
He may not even mean to hurt you. He just needs a break.
He needs to go no contact for a while.
Can you respect that?
Give Him What He Wants
Right now, it feels like he’s told you to go away in the worst way possible.
What if you chose to see it differently?
What if you chose to see this as him asking—however unskillfully—for a break?
Although it may seem unlikely that you’ll get back together, time has a way of changing things.
Once he gets some perspective, he may realize there were aspects of the relationship he misses.
Going no contact gives him a chance to experience life without you. Unless he gets that chance, he’ll never know how much he misses you.
As much as you want to tell him that you’re sorry and you’ll fix whatever went wrong, your words won’t be half as convincing as those pangs in his gut when you’re gone.
So let space work its magic on him.
Trust that it can convince him better than you.
In the meantime, see this as a personal challenge. Imagine he’s asking the question, “Can you live without me?”
The answer he wants isn’t no.
It’s ironic. You’d think that he’d see your inability to live without him as proof of your love. Isn’t it flattering when someone can’t go a day without seeing you?
But when relationships are rocky, he doesn’t want to know how much you depend on him. Your dependence makes him feel guilty.
And guilt may be one of the emotions behind his decision to block you. He doesn’t want to see your pain.
If you take on this challenge and see this as an opportunity to prove to him that not only can you live without him, but you can thrive without him, then you’re sending him the message he secretly wants to hear.
The man I am with is a commercial fisherman; he leaves for work and is usually gone for weeks, then come home for a few days, then leaves again. He is the only person I have been with for 3 years. However, that’s not the case with him. I don’t get mad or upset or say anything about it because sex does NOT equal love. When he’s away for 3-8 weeks and then finally dock somewhere, the hookers are everywhere. I don’t care what he does where that’s concerned. When he comes home, he immediately calls me & comes to get me. I leave after a few hours because he needs to rest and I need to go. The problem is, I am blocked on Facebook, Messenger, messaging app on my phone, and he blocked my #. Yet most weekends he calls me to come stay & i go to his place delivering sex. I downloaded wifi phone apps with different phone numbers that aren’t blocked. When I message him for sex, he doesn’t answer. If he messages me, I almost run over to him. Its obvious he uses me for sex and it seems like that’s it. But, he talks to me about his job, what he wants for the future, and about his physically abusive childhood. We laugh, eat, shower, and never argue or fuss with each other. But I get so sad when I leave. He doesn’t seem to want me for anything else, not even friendship, so I don’t understand the talks we have. I have known him almost his entire life and I have loved him almost 20 years & I’ve never said anything to him about my feelings; when he & I started having sex about 3 years ago, Mike said, “This isn’t a relationship Linda; this is just sex.” He’s said that so much I hear it in my sleep. He is 48, I’m 57. It hurts me terribly bad that he has me blocked & won’t talk/message me unless HE deems it necessary. What really sucks is truthfully, this is the BEST sex I have ever, ever had; I don’t want to walk away from this, but unfortunately my heart is involved now & it hurts much of the time. What do I do? If this didn’t work for him, he’d change. but it isn’t working for me anymore. How do I get out of this terribly toxic relationship when the sex is so dynamite?
My boyfriend told his ex he was done multiple times, every time suddenly she was pregnant. The last time she actually was, he told her he needed space and she would not allow it. Her plan was always to suffocate him and his family/friends until it was just easier to give in. He blocked her..so she stepped up the stalking and started calling from the numbers of friends and family. Now theirs a child involved. She uses that now instead of stalking.
IT DOES NOT MATTER IF A ‘PARTNER’ OR ANY ONE ELSE WANTS SPACE – I MUST GIVE IT TO THEM – THIS IS ACCEPTING OTHERS AS THEY ARE!!! ❤️
You are so right! I learned the no contact rule quite by accident, he said something that sounded like he was going to break up with me and I just disappeared. I had the control and it felt better than being ghosted. Tree months later he texted me and wanted to talk .He was excited to talk again. He admitted he didn’t want commitment. We met online and lived in different states. He was chomping at the bit to meet. Wanted to catch a plane to see me. I knew if he came here to my home it would be understood that he wanted to be intimate. I wanted more, but I didn’t say it. Long story short, I’ve cut off contact with him every time he doesn’t respond and it’s happened 4 times and he keeps coming back. In the meantime he finds someone else to date for a few months and I’m sure the old commitment thing comes up and he bails. He fell for me hard and said he had feelings for me and feared commitment, and yet he keeps coming back He is divorced after 35 years in what he thought was a happy marriage. She got mean, his words not mine. Disrespected him badly until there was nothing left to save I know he’s gun-shy and I’ve treaded lightly. Many men have come and gone but he is the one that has my heart. He fears love again and yet he keeps coming back. Will we ever get together, who knows, but at least because of the no contact rule I’m in control and it’s better than having a broken 💔. I’m getting better and better at it. He now knows I’m a person if value that he can’t take for granted. It works ladies if you’ve got the backbone to stuck it out! He’s the one I want and I’m willing to give him the time to figure it out. Thanks James for all the books I’ve read and put into practice. I now understand stand how men think and operate and it’s changed how i respond. I’m forever grateful to you.
Lee, I have been around enough to see what’s real. If he truly loves you he would want a commitment no matter what his past looks like. Love is love and we can’t fake that. You’re holding yourself back from meeting someone who could really give you what you want and need. No one deserves that treatment.
You’re worth more.
Try no contact for more than 3 months. Separate yourself. This will allow you to open yourself up for better. Good luck
Yes this is what happened. He is my love of my life. It has been 2years since I’ve seen him. How can you get in touch with him?
Can you tell me what to do?