Or why so many romances start in the summer?
It all comes down to
Relaxation, enjoyment, and endless stretches of free time create a magical environment for love to flourish.
Which is exactly why it’s so difficult to meet anyone when you’re tired, busy, and rushing to meet deadlines.
Meeting someone becomes just another box to check off. You’d like to meet someone—and you know you should be putting the effort in—but you’ve got too much going on. Chatting up a man, no matter how attractive he is, can feel more like work than fun.
Is there a way to recreate that magical summer vacation feeling, even on the dreariest winter workday?
All it takes is these two simple steps…
Step 1. Create a ‘Worry Pot’
Summer vacations are so wonderful because we give ourselves permission to forget about the cares of our everyday lives for a week or two.
We have only one goal: to enjoy ourselves.
And there’s nothing that attracts a man’s attention more than a woman who’s having fun.
We need to take a break from our worries more than once a year!
In an ideal world, we’d be able to set aside time every day to relax and forget out about our concerns. (In fact, that’s one reason why television is so popular. It shuts your mind off temporarily, giving you a break from that constant mental chatter.)
Practices like meditation and yoga can help still the mind, but you don’t need anything that formal. You can just set an intention.
When you’re about to walk out the door to go to a social event—whether it’s a date, a barbecue, or a concert—imagine taking your worries and to-do list out of your head and setting them down in a special place. Maybe it’s a vase or a bowl that you’ve left there to represent your “Worry Pot.” (Decorate it so that it will catch your eye, helping you remember to use it.) Those worries will be there waiting patiently for you until you get back.
In the meantime, go forth and be free! Take that much-needed mental vacation.
Step 2. Get a new yardstick.
Dating has become so goal-oriented.
Some coaches encourage women to treat dating like a part-time job. You should spend half an hour on dating sites every night. You should schedule two dates a week. You should go out every weekend.
But taking on a second job isn’t exactly fun. It’s work. And that’s the opposite of the “summer romance” feeling we want to achieve.
Dating should feel like a vacation, not another job to add to your plate. Being too goal-oriented turns something that should be fun into a source of stress. It puts pressure on you—pressure you don’t need.
So here’s what you do:
You stop measuring yourself by how well you perform, or whether he seems interested in you, or whether anyone asks for your number.
Instead, you start measuring your social experiences by how much fun you have.
If you’re not having fun, there’s no point.
Meeting men in an environment where you’re already enjoying yourself is so much easier than meeting men in an environment where you feel ill at ease.
You don’t have to go to parties if you don’t want to. If the bar scene appalls you, don’t go. The men you want to meet will be doing the things you like to do. Maybe they’re hiking, or going to festivals, or browsing the farmer’s markets.
Similarly, don’t judge a date based on whether he seemed to like you.
Instead, judge it based on whether YOU enjoyed yourself.
If you weren’t all that keen on his company, it doesn’t matter whether he likes you or not. There’s nothing there. A deadly dull relationship is hardly better than no relationship at all.
You deserve to be with someone who makes you light up.
And the best way to find that person is to pay attention to your own pleasure.
When you’re able to leave your worries behind, even if it’s just for an hour or two, and focus on having fun instead of performing well, you’ll find that flirting is so much easier. The pressure is gone. You’re not as weighed down. You’re more light-hearted and quick to smile.
Dating will start to feel less serious. More fun. Even playful.
Kind of like a summer romance.