“Don’t do it!” they’ll tell you. “You’ll find someone. You just haven’t met the right one yet.”
It’s nice that they’re so concerned about you. But you’re not sure if their concern is warranted.
After all, giving up on love feels like such a relief.
No more worrying about what men think.
No more worrying about whether you’re good enough.
If you tell your girlfriends you’re giving up on love, they’ll rush to hug and reassure you.
No more pressure to spend precious leisure time on dating.
If people ask you why you’re still single, you can answer honestly:
“I’m not looking for anyone right now.”
Words that taste like freedom.
It’s Okay to Take a Break…
Some people give up on love because they’ve had their heart broken. They don’t know if they can go through it again.
Despite what your friends say, it can be enormously healing to take a break from love. It gives you time to focus on yourself and remember how much you enjoy your own company.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be on your own for a while. Ironically, feeling comfortable on your own makes you even more attractive. You are less insecure, more relaxed, and able to just be you.
Some women have even found that the minute they’re no longer interested in dating, men come out of the woodwork.
An uninterested woman is a challenge. You may find yourself having to fend men off. Not exactly the result you’d expected, but rather nice all the same!
Just Don’t Give Up
Taking a break from love is not the same as giving up on love.
When you give up on love, you allow those feelings of anger and bitterness to run the show.
You’re sick and tired of putting all that effort in, risking your heart, and sacrificing for a man…
Only to have him shove that love right back in your face.
And rightly so.
Feeling discouraged and angry after a major setback is a universal human experience. It doesn’t just happen in love. It happens at work. It happens with health. It happens to anyone with goals or aspirations.
The road to getting what you want is often rocky.
But here’s the key:
The more that goal means to you, the more you’ll face those challenges with determination instead of despair.
If you want something enough—whether it’s a happy marriage or career achievement—and you use that desire to fuel you when times get tough…
Then you’ll succeed where others fail.
That’s what psychologist Angela Duckworth discovered in her research on grit.
And it’s a secret superpower when it comes to dating. So let’s talk about the power of grit.
The Power of Grit
You may know Duckworth from her popular TED talk (viewed over 15 million times) or her 2016 New York Times bestselling book.
A former math teacher, she wondered why her smartest students didn’t always perform as well as less bright students who nevertheless worked hard.
After years of research, she discovered that people who stuck with something over the long term, even if it was tough for them to master, did better than people with natural advantages, like talent.
She called that trait “grit,” and she defined it like this:
“Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out—not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years—and working really hard to make that future a reality.”
Do you have stamina for dating?
Grit and Love
It got me thinking…
Do women with grit do better in love than women who get discouraged easily?
Without grit, it’s easy to give up on love.
After all, there are so many setbacks. Every rejection, ever dud date, every failed relationship gives you ample reason to bag it.
Happily ever after is not an easy goal to achieve.
Even if you have natural advantages like a city full of eligible men, above-average attractiveness, and an active social life.
But those natural advantages may be worth less than you’d think. For example, women who are model-beautiful have shorter marriages.
Instead of bemoaning your lack of advantages, focus on what you CAN control:
Passion and perseverance.
Remind yourself how much your love life matters to you. Envision how it will feel once you achieve your goal. Don’t let naysayers discourage you.
Then keep working towards your goal, even when it’s hard. Realize that this is a long game. You’re probably not going to meet Mr. Right tomorrow. It may take years of effort.
But, as Duckworth says, this is a marathon, not a sprint.
Do you have grit? What would you say to women on the verge of giving up? Let us know in the comments.
It is coming up on 17 years that my husband died and at the beginning of the pandemic I learned about a dating site for seniors (68 at the time, hadn’t dated in the interim) and I knew that since I had been married twice, I didn’t want to get married again. I met a man who also did not want to get married again and we discovered that we have many common interests and values. We hit it off and get together every so often, here, there (we are 3 hours apart) or someplace else for fun and good times. We consider ourselves very good friends, under no pressure that a romance might entail and it seems to be the kind of relationship that we both want at this time in our lives.
Do not give up. I’m 66 and I haven’t given up yet.