Imagine stepping into an elevator with an attractive colleague. Someone you’ve noticed and wanted to get to know better. It’s just the two of you, and this is the second day in a row this has happened.
What are the odds?
It feels a bit like destiny leading you into each other’s lives. So, you make a casual comment to that effect. It catches his attention.
He replies with a smile and a laugh. Suddenly he’s looking at you differently. You’re on his radar now, and he’s much more likely to see all the good things about you he hadn’t noticed before.
What I just described is actually a powerful technique. The mere suggestion that a seemingly random event means something actually makes it mean something. In this case, the random event is being together on the elevator two days in a row, but it could be almost anything.
I call this approach the “destiny framework.” Here’s how it works.
Life can unfold a million different ways. So everything that happens, is (technically speaking) statistically unlikely. On top of that, sometimes it’s the small, unexpected things that completely alter the course of your whole life! Like bumping into someone you’re interested in on an elevator.
The moment someone points out all the little details that had to line up perfectly to bring you to where you are right now, it begins to feel like you were simply destined to be here. And that sense of destiny tends to open our eyes. It encourages us to look for the significant little things we might be missing.
You can use that very natural response to center his focus on you.
What’s more, putting this technique to work for you couldn’t be easier. Plus, it works with guys you’re just getting to know, as well as long-term, serious partners. To harness this power, you only have to remember three dead-simple steps.
1. Look for a random event that’s already occurred. Something small that helped build a connection between the two of you works best.
2. Point out the low odds of the event occurring exactly the way it did.
3. Casually hint at the possibility that destiny must have made it happen. Why else would such a statistically unlikely event occur?
I can’t stress the “casually” part enough. If you launch into a monologue about fate, you might scare him off.
We’re shooting for something way more subtle. All you have to do is call his attention to the fact that something unlikely brought the two of you together.
When something shifts our perspective, even a little, it opens our eyes. Suddenly, we see all kinds of things we didn’t see before. When you use this technique, you’re helping him see you in ways he didn’t see you before.
Whether you believe in destiny or not, you have to admit that small things frequently have a big impact. Use that to your advantage. Help him see you for the amazing woman you are. Before long, he’ll be thinking about how lucky he is that circumstance brought you into his life.
Hi I just need some advice…
I’m in a very bad relationship and no matter what I do it seems I just cannot get it right. I relocated from my birth country for him and at 2 months in it’s like everything we spoke about doing together for each other has completely disappeared. It’s been 1 year now and I wanted to make things right between us since he was my only reasoning for relocating but he keeps saying he will never get married again and he doesn’t trust me even though I completely ghosted all my friends to prove to him that it’s us and no else. Lately he’s being sleeping out and whenever he’s beside me he is on the phone constantly, there’s no alone time with him when it comes to me. It’s like a completely different person. I peaked in his phone one night and say his messages with another woman and my heart sunked. I’m clueless about what to do since I’m completely dependent on him because I’m an alien to the country. Any recommendations or advice?
Thanks in advance
James,
I am honestly worse off then the lady or two that you’ve written about!!!
All I want to do is cry and stay in bed!!! I can’t because I have my elderly parents living with me and my Mum is Pallative with Melamona Cancer. I am their care giver.
I’m second guessing myself. I’ve met mostly SCAMMERS & they suck you in & try and use you & when you won’t agree to help they get nasty. I don’t think I know who is real anymore!
I am so lonely, lonesome and even heart broken 💔.I thought maybe I finally found a decent guy. We talked pretty well every evening for a little over two weeks. Told me about his daughter and everything just felt right. He was a gentleman and treated me very well. He sent me a message Friday morning with a little Picture that said Something like Good morning Beautiful!!! Then nothing since…..just cut me right off/ ghosted me!!! It was hurtful. 🥺💔
I never expected that from him!!! Of course a thousand things go through your mind. I had been telling him some of my past and I asked if it scared him or made him want to run away and he said “No,not at all”! He wanted to get to know me more and better.
He said he lost his wife about 6 years ago and hasn’t been with anyone since his wife. He seemed sincere.
I am wondering if he got scared because he was starting to have feelings for me like I was for him.
I truly think he could be the one & I don’t want to loose him!!!! Or hope to have him back in my life.(I did a STUPID thing and Tuesday evening I sent him a text that said something like “I thought you were real and never expected this from you! You had me completely fooled)
James, I’m begging you can you please help me????
Please🥺😢😰🥺
I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life!!! It took me forever to write this to you through the tears!!!😰
James, please help me!!!
I’m totally honest I can’t read all the material you sent or that I’ve purchased. As I just don’t have the time with caring for my parents and I can’t concentrate from Care giver burnout.
I need someone in my life to love & be loved by him
Thank you so very much,
Sally
Hi Sally,
Thanks so much for your comment! Your situation sounds complicated and I feel like you’d greatly benefit from being a part of our community and some back and forth consultation. I recommend that you bring it up in our private forum where we have actual relationship coaches on staff to answer questions and give advice. To access this forum, you would need to sign up for the Irresistible Insiders Club.
Within this private community, you can also ask questions and share experiences with like-minded women and our most advanced members. This way you can get extra real-time feedback and support for your unique situation.
Warm wishes,
Tracey T.
I found a man that’s perfect for me, I was in a bad relationship when we met, he came out of nowhere, the connection was so strong. We had so much magic and passion… the friendship was amazing as well. We started November 2018, by May 2019 he was gone. I cleared the path so we could be together. What we had was special. 6 months ago he reached out to me again and wanted to meet me for coffee. He said he couldn’t stop thinking about me and this time he was the one in a bad relationship but our connection was just as strong and we spent a Valentine’s Day only couples dream about. But as soon as I gave in he backed off. He loves me, he tells me so. Our timing has never been good. We actually work in a place where we see each other all the time. In a Hospital. I have backed off to give him space. I feel like we have this forbidden love that we can’t get the timing right. This pandemic is in our way. I need some sound advice. I know he will be back, I am very single right now, I cleared my path for him. So we could do this right but I’m not sure how.
Hi Mel,
Thanks so much for your comment! Your situation sounds complicated and I feel like you’d greatly benefit from being a part of our community and some back and forth consultation. I recommend that you bring it up in our private forum where we have actual relationship coaches on staff to answer questions and give advice. To access this forum, you would need to sign up for the Irresistible Insiders Club.
Within this private community, you can also ask questions and share experiences with like-minded women and our most advanced members. This way you can get extra real-time feedback and support for your unique situation.
Warm wishes,
Tracey T.
I really do beleive in destiny. I asked my late husband to dance at a parents without partner dance and that dance lasted 35 years 7 months and 13 days. I loved being married to my best friend and will see him again. Now I have started to open my heart and mind a wee bit and there are some good, kind and loving men on the other door. To thine own self be true🔥
I saw a man at a local market. No big deal. Both buying fruit. Saw him again a week or two later at a charity shop. I spoke up and said I saw you somewhere recently but not sure where. We spoke for a minute trying to think where but kept shopping. I finally remembered and saw him not too far away and told him at the market. A little while later he returned with his phone number on a piece of paper and told me to call him for a drink sometime. A week or so later I called. Magic!
Hello. Me and my significant other talked plans and future endeavors together. Everything was going so well. We purchased engagement rings and I was so happy. Now many things have changed. We don’t spend a lot of time together, and now he says he’s not rushing into marriage cause he is not financially ready, and when you get married he has to be able to take care of his wife. I did tell him money is not everything and time would be passing by and he will be saying the same thing. He says I puts too much pressure on him, which I don’t. When we have arguments, he makes everything about me and nothing about him. I tried his secret obsession and that didn’t even work. I Love this man so much, but I’m not gonna wait years for him to become his wife.
Hi Ree. I’m sorry to hear he has been dragging his feet like that. Still, you must be doing something right to win his affection and commitment the way you have.
His response to you about needing money before he feels right about being your husband is SO CLASSIC for men. Did you carefully read module 5 of His Secret Obsession? It’s titled Why Men Say, “I’m Just Not Ready.”
That module explains why men get obsessed with the provider role. Your guy fits into the “Prince phase” described in that module. He’s trying to make something of himself because his hero instinct is driving him to do so. That module shows you how to channel that hero instinct so it doesn’t block your relationship from moving forward.
Wishing you love and happiness!
James
The same thing happened with me, my boyfriend from 26 years ago got in touch with me after not keeping in touch for all these years. Our connection is amazing but I think I have ruined it by putting pressure on him and I think giving him time and space is probably best. I really hope that I haven’t lost him forever.
Samantha, Try being positive. I am sure you have not lost him yet. After all, he contacted you. Yes, give him a little space, then it will be perfectly fine for you to get back in touch with him, in a friendly way, after a little while, if he does not contact you. Try to make it light and fun – no pressure. No-one likes a drama-queen. Best of luck!! Lorna
I too had a chance encounter last year, with my first teenage love, who professed he had never stopped searching for me. He came into my life when I needed him the most….after breast cancer operation. 2016 was the most wonderful time of my life. But our lives are complicated and in my Taurean bull-like fashion I ended it a few weeks ago despite knowing and telling him he is my soul mate and I will always love him. If I could turn the clock back I would and at the very least keep him as my own very special friend. I miss him every minute of the day and it hurts so much knowing we may never meet again…….. never be rash in decision making
Anna, if it hurts so much and you regret ending it with him, maybe it will make sense to tell him about your regrets.
Wishing you all the best!
Elena
Anna – I agree with Elena!! Never mind about being a Taurean bull and so stubborn! I bet he is really upset about the break-up, too, but he will be too proud to contact you again now, since you broke it off with him. For goodness sake!! You must surely know how precious life is, after all you have been through with cancer, and how rare it is to have a special person in it. Get back in touch with him. What have you got to lose – and you probably have so much to gain. JUST DO IT. (And let us know what happens!). Best of Luck. Lorna
While it may not be destiny, it happened that way for my late husband and me. Now, I am in a “complicated” relationship with a great guy that again our paths crossed years ago and then again last spring. If nothing else, we have now developed a great friendship…and seemingly headed towards more. But, it’s complicated…..
What does “complicated” mean? I just discovered that a wonderful person I had been dating was in a “complicated” relationship (not married) but “committed.” I will not be “the other woman.” But clearly, our emotional tie is very strong and we very much had components of genuine interest, attraction, conversation, and true compatibility!! I lost respect for him and feel that I’m the person he texts to fill the emotional void. She chooses to live elsewhere.
He should still be counting his lucky stars! 🙂