James Bauer’s Texting Tip of the Week
Do you hate breaking up with people? Even if you know it’s not a good fit?
Dating is a “trial and error” process.
Sure, it could lead to a magical love story. But most of the time, we simply learn why we don’t click.
And that’s okay!
Rejection never feels good. But we can move through the process with grace.
Follow these simple do’s and don’t s.
DO:
- Be straightforward. Rip off the band-aid.
- Answer questions and give feedback.
- If it feels comfortable, voice appreciation of your time spent together.
- Say you want to be friends IF you really want that.
- Give each other time and space before making low-key plans.
DON’T:
- Ghost him. This deprives him of closure. It’s peeling off the band-aid slowly and painfully.
- Give away your boundaries. You’re not obligated to spend hours and hours explaining a breakup — especially if the relationship only lasted a short time.
- Say you want to be friends when you don’t. It doesn’t soften the blow. It can actually feel insulting. Say you don’t want to be a block for the girl who is right for him.
Remember, every relationship that ends is a step toward the one that will last!
You sent me your email and it is so on the spot 100%.
I know I have to break this internet love and I will do it. My angels are asking this to go to a better place. He is wise, calm, knowledgeable, Spiritual.
We are not young but there is no age for love.
I will let him down slowly.
Thank you James, it came just on time to remind me what to do.
Viviane
How do you know if your dating/in love with a narcissist?
Oh boy… Listen to your instincts and NOT your heart. Narcissism is a tricky and complicated behavioral trait that spans an entire spectrum in itself. If you have the slightest concern that you may be dealing with a narcissist, arm yourself with information before you do or say anything. Listen to podcasts, read books articles, etc. Learn everything you possibly can to identify many of the common behavioral patterns including the difference between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorders. Learn the definitions of the following key words: “Love bombing”, “hovering”, “blame shifting”, gaslighting”, the need for constant attention or “narcissistic supply”… and Worst of all the lying and cheating you may uncover. Understand that no matter what they do or say… They are incapable of loving you back. Most importantly is “Narcissistic injury” and how it can lead to an emotionally and even physically abusive relationship.
None of the techniques James writes about are applicable in situations where severe narcissism may be a factor.
I’m not an expert by any means. I only speak from my own experience and healing process I went through in order to even be able to completely achieve “no contact” with a textbook, serial, covert narcissist.
I wish you the best and hope that by educating yourself, you find peace of mind, whether it be now or any future relationships. It’s important information for anyone to have.