I know, dumb question.
It’s hard not to. In fact, it’s perfectly natural.
But here’s the problem. As a relationship consultant, I often see the negative impact it has on a woman’s social confidence.
And that’s because we tend to compare ourselves with the few people who seem to have it all together. She’s got a killer job, a beautiful face, perfect hair, money for all the right accessories, and the guys she dates . . .
She makes it look easy. And in the process, she makes you feel less confident.
She may be a friend. She could be an enemy. She might even be a frenemy. Whatever category she falls into, you seethe with jealousy. Why does she get all of that while you feel like you have to work really hard for a fraction of the success?
Here’s something to consider. Maybe she isn’t as happy and confident as she seems.
Her dating success is maddening. Why does it seem so effortless for her when you’re working your tail off?!
How can you be expected to tolerate her easy success? In a word, gracefully. And here’s how you pull that off.
Remember what you can’t see.
You see all the things about your rival’s life that look awesome, including her apparent luck with guys. But that’s not the whole story.
Who knows what kinds of insecurity, dysfunction or hard work lie beneath the surface? Maybe her skin tone is horrible, but she shells out big bucks for premium concealer. Maybe she spends hours every day at the gym. Maybe she’s miserable despite appearances.
It’s impossible to tell when you’re on the outside looking in.
Remember what you know about you.
Besides, who cares why her life is so great? It’s not like there’s a limited amount of happiness in the world. Her success doesn’t derail yours.
You’re pretty amazing in your own right, and that matters way more for your dating success.
Guys consistently report that confidence is easily one of the sexiest traits a woman can embody. Rooting yourself in your own positive traits is a far better strategic move than playing the comparison game.
Let her do her thing. You do yours.
Remember your own goals.
Finally, don’t get caught up in trying to gauge your dating success based on what someone else has. You might not even want what she has.
Instead, give some real thought to what you want. Decide what will make you happy. Then go after that. If it doesn’t look as glamorous as what someone else has, that’s totally okay.
It’s not about how your relationship looks from the outside. It’s about how it feels on the inside.
Every person on the planet slips into moments of jealousy and quiet rage. Guys and girls alike sometimes feel like they’re getting the short end of the stick while someone else has it easy.
When you feel that way, try to remember that you don’t have the whole story on anyone else. And even if you do, that doesn’t change how incredible you are or how important your personal goals are.
You do you. That’s the surest path to real romantic fulfillment.
 Swain, Michael. “The Attractiveness of Confidence.” SPSP. Society for Personality and Social Psychology, 16 Sept. 2015. Web. 05 July 2017.