Hey, it’s James with a tip for the early phase of a dating relationship.
“So, what do you do for fun?” It’s a question that usually comes a little while after, “What do you do for a living?” and, “Where are you from?”
Few people are adequately prepared to answer this crucial question. Most people, when put on the spot, stammer something vague like, “Uh…I don’t know. I guess I like to hang out with friends, um… or read a good book, or…um…I don’t know. The usual stuff I guess.”
This is a pretty lame answer. Of the three “get to know you” questions I mentioned before, which is most likely to directly influence his experience while dating you?
1.Where you are from?
2.What you do for a living?
3.What you do for fun?
You could make the argument that if he settles down with you and marries you, what you do for a living could have a significant impact on his life. But when he is just beginning to show interest in you, your relationship is nowhere near a point where your career is going to directly affect his experience of being in your presence.
When you spend time hanging out with your boyfriend, you are basically just trying to enjoy life together. You’re trying to have fun. One of the reasons we seek out relationships is because most things we do for fun become even more fun when done together.
Take just a moment right now to prepare your mind to give a really great answer to the question, “What do you do for fun?”
Don’t get stuck listing generic past times. Instead, focus on the idea of fun itself.
What do I mean by “fun itself?” I mean you should focus your response on describing the emotional experience of fun. Here’s an example:
“Oh man! That’s my favorite question, Barry. I love trying new things. I’m always searching the bulletin boards around town to see who’s offering a course on something I’ve never done before, like sailing or impromptu acting, or a French pastry baking course on Thursday nights. It’s that feeling of excitement when you’re getting ready to walk out the door to explore something new. I love that feeling! I also love the comfort of sitting on my big couch with a couple of my friends and just talking about whatever comes up. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, just cozy, relaxed enjoyment of the moment. “
Let him experience the way you light up and vibrantly enjoy talking about things you do in your recreational time. This will serve as a powerful magnetic attraction factor for a man. Men are into fun. Men are into adventure. They like a woman who embraces the fun things in life.
A tiny bit of time spent practicing an answer to this question will have a huge payoff in your dating life.
I hope you will also ask him the same question. You’ll be surprised at how much you can learn about him by focusing on what happens to his energy level when you ask him what he does in his time off.
That’s when you’ll be spending time with him, after all. After work. So invest in getting to know that side of his personality. And make sure you’re ready to show off your own fun side when the opportunity comes up.
James
I am 73 years old, I don’t look it or feel like it. I was married for 13 years to an abusive husband and divorced him. Had 3 children and they have all passed. Was married for 30 years, to an older man, who showed me what love was, he died. Then was with another man, 4 years, who was a continuation of my husband, when he died.
Now I am in a relationship that so far has been through texting. It has been 3 months strong. He is much younger than I am, never been married or has or want children. He does have a medical condition, but right now no visible symptoms. He says that age is just a number. Yes he knows what I look like. He is very sensitive about his reputation. He is a public figure. How we got to know one another was through an imposter posing as him. HE was found out and caught. The real person reached out to tell me the news and thank me. Soon we will be seeing each other in person. From our texting, some video’s and calls we are well suited for one another and love one another deeply. So we will see how this progresses. Right now, I am as giddy as a school girl and never been happier.
So I recently met a wonderful man at our local senior center and we have been dating for about 4 months. Everything was going wonderfully and I felt we were getting even closer when he suddenly pulled away during Christmas week and told me he thought I was being obsessive and he felt pressured. He had a trip planned to spend New Years in NYC with his daughter so we decided we would take a break. He left on 12/29 and I have not head from him since. I have not texted or called him either. He was due back on Jan 6th. What should I do now?
Let it go. He probably doesnāt remember.
Thank u James!! I live in alabama
I too have a man that was so full of love for me until I fell so in love with him. He gave me this story that he could not come back to the states until his stuff was paid for. My ex stepped in, remortgaged the house got a few loans to help. As soon as there was no more money to send, you guessed it. He was gone. I have not heard from him now for almost a month. I still love this man but trying hard not to. . I keep hoping he would come back but I know there is no need to hope this any longer. We got took and I will get my ex paid back as that is only right, We are friends and that is all between us. we divorced on good terms and no we will never remarry each other. there is to much that we do not do and we are happy this way. I meet some of his friends when they go out sometimes but I am happy for him. we both have our own lives to live.
Dear, I`m so sorry to read your story and unfortunately you got the love scam. I know they do this kind of stuff, mostly from african countrys. Under fake profiles, fake pictures, even fake videos. Get it out of your head please, forgive them and move on in your own happy life. And meet real person in rela life, only this will work out.
I just started playing around with dating sites. I know the obvious scam about asking for money but alot of these men look like interesting guys – how do you tell if these kinds are scammers or legit?
You can do a Google image search of their picture and find out pretty quickly. Also google the phone number. And if he isnāt verified and all of his photos are perfect itās a no brainer. Remember, if he seems too good to be true, he typically is.
And married!
It’s instinctual for a man to be a provider, If a man is asking for money or you are providing him support this way then you are taking away his ability to prove himself. I would be very skeptical about a man who initiated he needed this kind of support after engaging you on an emotional level. Red flag on online dating yet women fall for it all the time. Even in committed relationships this can be risky as there’s no guarantee what you give is equal to what you receive. Men’s “Attention” is not equal to their “Intention” and their “Intention” is not equal to their “Investment”. Each step needs to be validated with more than words.
Yes you said it all right there in the last paragraph!
There is a website called MeetUp. Itās NOT a dating site. Itās a site where people with similar interests make plans for activities together – single, married, male, female – doesnāt matter. Itās all about finding people to do things with. Itās a great way to meet new people and potentially someone special
Never again. Once was enough. Iām familiar with meetup.com
It is a good site!
After 20 years of a loveless marriage, finally divorced. Two years later met the man of my dreams, we dated 1 year, engaged for 2, married 1 year and 4 days. He died suddenly from a cardiac arrest while I was making dinner. Itās been 8 months, never have I felt so lonely and alone. Have been on several different dating sites, Silver Singles, E Harmony and Match. Been on several dates but nothing materialized as there was no spark. My late husband was so good and kind to me he set the bar high. I really enjoy reading your dating tips as they prove to me that I am on the right path, I know what I want and need in a relationship, just need to find someone who wants the same things in life and love.
It’s nice to hear that there are people like you out there, Gayle. Your steady belief in finding the right person to share life with is certain to become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Thanks for being one of our valuable community members here at Be Irresistible.
I am learning a lot on your book, but i am finding it hard to reach my boyfriend, itās been two weeks since we had a fight, I tried reach out but he blocked me. I do not know how to apply all the technique since we are in a long distance relationship, sent him email, but still did not respond.
Iām sorry to hear about your loss. Take time to reflect and heal before putting yourself out there again because itās not fair to the potential guy you are seeing to still harbor feelings of your ex spouse.
Best,
KaTrena
Itās so hard.
I have been 38 years in a loveless marriage and Iām leaving for Ajijic Mexico on Friday. Itās a little village in the Sierra Madres mountains. Itās kind of like a Shangri-La check it out.
I meet the last 4 guys I dated, fought with, grew apart and reunited with on the dating sites… by the time the last one strolled around it was perfect till he died… way too early in his life… Thanks for the comments and reminders on what guys expect and are looking for… Kathryn
I want to thank you for helping me to understand where I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I haven’t had good relationships in the past and have been single for years. I’m picky, that’s a pro and a con. I want a relationship that is loyal and trustworthy with plenty of love – even in a relationship or marriage I want stability and security.
Above all, be yourself. The right person will love you for it. Make yourself a priority and tell a man exactly what you want in a relationship. The right man will value you for it. In our family we have a saying, well thatās Lisa. Accept her for who she is. I am saying be your best self and people will love you and value you for it.
I’ve been single for a while. Divorced in 2001, then I had a long relationship with a Giuliani but it was going nowhere. He ended up cheating on me. That was in 2017. Since then it’s been really hard finding anyone legit. Alot is scammers like y’all said. Or no one that really wants a relationship. Friends with benefits maybe. I’m not all about that. I now moved to a small town and it’s hard to meet anyone. Friends included. I’m 60 so I set the bar high. I decided I’m not going to settle. I just figure the right one will come along in God’s timing. But I do appreciate y’all’s tips. A lot I haven’t thought of before. Thank you.
Ask to meet at a restaurant. If they canāt they are probably a scammer or want a hookup for free
Bonjour j’aime cette partie free spĆ©cial report j
Bonjour je voulait toujours travailler avec vous et avoir ressens dans qu’elle objectif ?j’attends.
My husband of 37 years passed away on 1/23/19. I recently went to dating sitesšall I get are scammers. So tired of it. Iām no longer on any of the sites my brother tells me. I should go to Silver Singles.- no I donāt think so I have to budget fairly tightly and Iām tired of paying the sites only to get scammers. They donāt get anything out of me but, they sure try.
My heart goes out to you. I was single too after a very long marriage. Dating can be very strange. I had to work full time, but decided to pursue some adult classes. I took a Chinese cooking class, Swing Dance lessons, sailing and Ceramics. It was hard to talk myself into going alone but I met really cool people, some creeps but had a lot of fun. I met my now husband at a Swing Dance on a Friday night. He’s great! I’m glad I asked him to dance 27 years ago! Just have fun!
Hi Patti, my husband of 37 years died on February 16, 2019, so I feel like Iām in the same boat as you are. I was playing words with friends and getting all sorts of chatters there. Every single one was a con-man, shyster and/or predator! Actually I think weāre in a pretty good spot because we know what a good relationship is like and how to do it! Hang in there Iām sure weāll both find what weāre looking for.
I went on silver singles and all I found was scammers. I just think that you need to look for somebody in a place doing something you enjoy. Because if you both have something in common and maybe you can just meet the right person. Iāve talk to you over 70 guys on here that turned out to be scammers. And in a year and a half Iāve been looking, I have yet to go on a live date. I even had a guy set a date with me and then fake a car wreck so that he could ask me to send him $750.00. I canāt believe women really fall for this stuff! Although I know that itās true. My mom had a friend that gave over $100,000 to some guy in like $4000 increments. And she still thanks itās not a big deal! I wish I had that kind of idea throw away. Good luck to you but Iāve tried seven of the senior sites including Eharmony and Zoosk. All Iāve ever gotten scammers they start out talking and sounding like real American men.Then theyāre not!
I am a widow.
I’ve empowered myself finding adventure around every corner.
Taking up a hobby / sport or even joining a club broadens your scope of meeting folk.
I enjoy going on dates and generally having fun.
My advice: stay away from dating sites.
I agree with you Patti! Nothing but scammers cat fishing and users.
I hate to sound so negative but that has been my experience for almost 10 months. I just donāt get these people.
Don’t give up. I am in my 70s and have been widowed for 7 years. Like you, I didn’t see anyone I was interested in on dating sites, although I dipped into them from time to time. But I have now met a really nice man – through a dating site. I find the ones aimed at older people often seem to have more ‘duds’. Lots of guys in their 30s and 40s contact you – what’s that about? Maybe they think I’m a rich widow, which I most certainly am not. We’re much more discerning when we are older and have been in a good relationship so expect it to take longer to find a match.
I did silver singles and unfortunately I was scammed on this site as well other sites. I just met a guy a few months ago and things were wonderful today he just said he couldnāt do this anymore and he didnāt want to date anybody. Iām distraught he was the perfect guy for me sense my husband died in 2021. I know he is having problems with his son but I just donāt know how to deal with this
Hi, Michelle. I can sense the distress and disappointment you’re currently feeling, and I’m sincerely sorry for the challenges you’ve recently experienced. But in the face of adversity, there’s one thing that stands as a strong ally: Time.
The beauty of time is its ability to heal and reveal. While it might seem like things have abruptly ended now, remember that time also creates space for new beginnings and unexpected comebacks. It’s entirely possible that the man you’ve been seeing is genuinely dealing with personal struggles. And sometimes, it’s these personal battles that lead people to create distance, even from those they care about.
Your instinct might be to intervene, to try and ‘fix’ things. However, the most powerful course of action you can take right now is to step back. Let him navigate through his troubles. Give him time. Respect his need for space while keeping the door open for future communication.
Now, you may wonder, ‘But what if the spark is gone?’ The truth is, the same qualities that initially attracted him to you haven’t disappeared. If the connection was real and strong, time won’t erase it. Instead, it could even deepen the bond if he sees that you are kind and reliable even when he is not giving you much in return. Don’t put all your eggs in this one basket, but keep the doors of communication open with him. Just check in with him every 10 days or so… not to push the relationship forward, but just to be present in his life. Then let time do its thing.
James
Hi my name is Kathy. Thank you for your tips about dating and what men like it’s helping me in my search for a nice companion. Sincerely Kathy
I agree with Mandy. I KEEP friend requests on Face Book. I have a locked page so when they start going on a out my ” beautiful face pictures, I know they are full of it. Most are younger and really nice looking. Too young for me. The few I have written back to are full of total fake stories. Widowers with a daughter 12 yr old boarding school because they work overseas on an oil platform or as an orthopedic surgeon looking for a wife. BUT this is their last contract. They are unable to get to their money to buy their contract out and come home to ME.
Yeah sure. If I could “float” him the several thousands needed to buy out his contract, then he could be here in less than 1 month…. yep!?!
Sorry. I am not that stupid. Blocked hm. He got my email and begged. I checked UNICEF does not have surgeons in Scandinavia on contract, surprised? Not me. I warn them if you ask me for any money, gift card, cash, or change I will block you. They are so surprised you do block them. I follow through immediately with a reminder. I want no excuses.
Oh yes! I have had them all! Kuwait, Yemen, Ukraine, Switzerland, Oil Rig, Shipping in Turkish Waters, Canada, etc, etc.
When they ask for money, I just block them.
Ilove the part of asking him what he likes to do for fun. So he is over seas right now so its all work every minute of the day so he should be home in a few months. So to know how he feels is my goal. Thanks for everything . Just waiting
Hm
HM Where overseas is he? Mine is overseas also due home Jan-Feb with luck
I’m in a very loving relationship for over a year. My man is very careful that I don’t see his phone. He keeps albums or collages of the women he has been with in the past before me. He seems to think he should hang on to them for the memories….he’ll often tell me he doesnt remember where they were taken or where he’s been with them. He says he loves me so much and wants to get married. (He’s 83 and very healthy and I’m 74) I think it’s wrong and disrespectful of me for him to keep the pics. He says he never looks at them. Am I wrong or should I let it go.
Thank u james I am in south africa, I tried to order but all in vain,how do I get your material