Hey, it’s James with a tip for the early phase of a dating relationship.
“So, what do you do for fun?” It’s a question that usually comes a little while after, “What do you do for a living?” and, “Where are you from?”
Few people are adequately prepared to answer this crucial question. Most people, when put on the spot, stammer something vague like, “Uh…I don’t know. I guess I like to hang out with friends, um… or read a good book, or…um…I don’t know. The usual stuff I guess.”
This is a pretty lame answer. Of the three “get to know you” questions I mentioned before, which is most likely to directly influence his experience while dating you?
1.Where you are from?
2.What you do for a living?
3.What you do for fun?
You could make the argument that if he settles down with you and marries you, what you do for a living could have a significant impact on his life. But when he is just beginning to show interest in you, your relationship is nowhere near a point where your career is going to directly affect his experience of being in your presence.
When you spend time hanging out with your boyfriend, you are basically just trying to enjoy life together. You’re trying to have fun. One of the reasons we seek out relationships is because most things we do for fun become even more fun when done together.
Take just a moment right now to prepare your mind to give a really great answer to the question, “What do you do for fun?”
Don’t get stuck listing generic past times. Instead, focus on the idea of fun itself.
What do I mean by “fun itself?” I mean you should focus your response on describing the emotional experience of fun. Here’s an example:
“Oh man! That’s my favorite question, Barry. I love trying new things. I’m always searching the bulletin boards around town to see who’s offering a course on something I’ve never done before, like sailing or impromptu acting, or a French pastry baking course on Thursday nights. It’s that feeling of excitement when you’re getting ready to walk out the door to explore something new. I love that feeling! I also love the comfort of sitting on my big couch with a couple of my friends and just talking about whatever comes up. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, just cozy, relaxed enjoyment of the moment. ”
Let him experience the way you light up and vibrantly enjoy talking about things you do in your recreational time. This will serve as a powerful magnetic attraction factor for a man. Men are into fun. Men are into adventure. They like a woman who embraces the fun things in life.
A tiny bit of time spent practicing an answer to this question will have a huge payoff in your dating life.
I hope you will also ask him the same question. You’ll be surprised at how much you can learn about him by focusing on what happens to his energy level when you ask him what he does in his time off.
That’s when you’ll be spending time with him, after all. After work. So invest in getting to know that side of his personality. And make sure you’re ready to show off your own fun side when the opportunity comes up.
I just started playing around with dating sites. I know the obvious scam about asking for money but alot of these men look like interesting guys – how do you tell if these kinds are scammers or legit?
There is a website called MeetUp. It’s NOT a dating site. It’s a site where people with similar interests make plans for activities together – single, married, male, female – doesn’t matter. It’s all about finding people to do things with. It’s a great way to meet new people and potentially someone special
After 20 years of a loveless marriage, finally divorced. Two years later met the man of my dreams, we dated 1 year, engaged for 2, married 1 year and 4 days. He died suddenly from a cardiac arrest while I was making dinner. It’s been 8 months, never have I felt so lonely and alone. Have been on several different dating sites, Silver Singles, E Harmony and Match. Been on several dates but nothing materialized as there was no spark. My late husband was so good and kind to me he set the bar high. I really enjoy reading your dating tips as they prove to me that I am on the right path, I know what I want and need in a relationship, just need to find someone who wants the same things in life and love.
It’s nice to hear that there are people like you out there, Gayle. Your steady belief in finding the right person to share life with is certain to become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Thanks for being one of our valuable community members here at Be Irresistible.
I meet the last 4 guys I dated, fought with, grew apart and reunited with on the dating sites… by the time the last one strolled around it was perfect till he died… way too early in his life… Thanks for the comments and reminders on what guys expect and are looking for… Kathryn
I want to thank you for helping me to understand where I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I haven’t had good relationships in the past and have been single for years. I’m picky, that’s a pro and a con. I want a relationship that is loyal and trustworthy with plenty of love – even in a relationship or marriage I want stability and security.
Above all, be yourself. The right person will love you for it. Make yourself a priority and tell a man exactly what you want in a relationship. The right man will value you for it. In our family we have a saying, well that’s Lisa. Accept her for who she is. I am saying be your best self and people will love you and value you for it.
I’ve been single for a while. Divorced in 2001, then I had a long relationship with a Giuliani but it was going nowhere. He ended up cheating on me. That was in 2017. Since then it’s been really hard finding anyone legit. Alot is scammers like y’all said. Or no one that really wants a relationship. Friends with benefits maybe. I’m not all about that. I now moved to a small town and it’s hard to meet anyone. Friends included. I’m 60 so I set the bar high. I decided I’m not going to settle. I just figure the right one will come along in God’s timing. But I do appreciate y’all’s tips. A lot I haven’t thought of before. Thank you.
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Bonjour je voulait toujours travailler avec vous et avoir ressens dans qu’elle objectif ?j’attends.
My husband of 37 years passed away on 1/23/19. I recently went to dating sites😖all I get are scammers. So tired of it. I’m no longer on any of the sites my brother tells me. I should go to Silver Singles.- no I don’t think so I have to budget fairly tightly and I’m tired of paying the sites only to get scammers. They don’t get anything out of me but, they sure try.
My heart goes out to you. I was single too after a very long marriage. Dating can be very strange. I had to work full time, but decided to pursue some adult classes. I took a Chinese cooking class, Swing Dance lessons, sailing and Ceramics. It was hard to talk myself into going alone but I met really cool people, some creeps but had a lot of fun. I met my now husband at a Swing Dance on a Friday night. He’s great! I’m glad I asked him to dance 27 years ago! Just have fun!
Hi Patti, my husband of 37 years died on February 16, 2019, so I feel like I’m in the same boat as you are. I was playing words with friends and getting all sorts of chatters there. Every single one was a con-man, shyster and/or predator! Actually I think we’re in a pretty good spot because we know what a good relationship is like and how to do it! Hang in there I’m sure we’ll both find what we’re looking for.
I went on silver singles and all I found was scammers. I just think that you need to look for somebody in a place doing something you enjoy. Because if you both have something in common and maybe you can just meet the right person. I’ve talk to you over 70 guys on here that turned out to be scammers. And in a year and a half I’ve been looking, I have yet to go on a live date. I even had a guy set a date with me and then fake a car wreck so that he could ask me to send him $750.00. I can’t believe women really fall for this stuff! Although I know that it’s true. My mom had a friend that gave over $100,000 to some guy in like $4000 increments. And she still thanks it’s not a big deal! I wish I had that kind of idea throw away. Good luck to you but I’ve tried seven of the senior sites including Eharmony and Zoosk. All I’ve ever gotten scammers they start out talking and sounding like real American men.Then they’re not!
I am a widow.
I’ve empowered myself finding adventure around every corner.
Taking up a hobby / sport or even joining a club broadens your scope of meeting folk.
I enjoy going on dates and generally having fun.
My advice: stay away from dating sites.
I agree with you Patti! Nothing but scammers cat fishing and users.
I hate to sound so negative but that has been my experience for almost 10 months. I just don’t get these people.
Hi my name is Kathy. Thank you for your tips about dating and what men like it’s helping me in my search for a nice companion. Sincerely Kathy
Ilove the part of asking him what he likes to do for fun. So he is over seas right now so its all work every minute of the day so he should be home in a few months. So to know how he feels is my goal. Thanks for everything . Just waiting
HM Where overseas is he? Mine is overseas also due home Jan-Feb with luck
Thank u james I am in south africa, I tried to order but all in vain,how do I get your material