James Bauer’s Texting Tip of the Week
“What was the defining moment of _________ ?”
Asking about a defining moment reveals what’s important to him.
It’s a great conversation starter, and it’s usually something he can reply to quickly in a text.
Examples:
“What was the defining moment of the game last night?”
“What has been the defining moment of our relationship so far?”
“What was the defining moment of your canoe trip last weekend?”
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I am waiting for him to commit to me completely. He is a widow for about 4 years. And I have lost my husband about 5 years ago. We knew each other from a business standpoint and have been dating for about 3 months. I just want more commitment from him. I am just afraid I will lose him he is still very much in love with his wife who passed away 4 years ago. He dreams of her and calls her name in his sleep.
I asked about reason he stopped drinking which led to more conversation. I think you could also ask about “job changes, why moved, why took certain courses in schooling, etc.” I just thought possibly helpful to put out some ideas I was thinking on before I chose one
Thanks for the suggestion but hard to slip into some conversations.
My late husband did the same, looking for a solution then let’s move on. I prefer to: please, listen, fact find, analyze then decide.
both are correct in their own thinking just move differently.
El
What do you mean by defining moment?
I’ll give you an example of a defining moment, Debbie.
Sometimes examples are quicker and easier to understand than long explanations.
While practicing martial arts one day, I saw a guy get hit too hard and he came back the next week with a concussion, saying his doctor told him he needed to avoid the sport for at least three months to avoid a condition where he becomes increasingly vulnerable to concussions. At that moment, I realized that the odds of a significant injury from being attacked by muggers on the street was significantly lower than the odds of me being injured while participating in martial arts as a sport. It was a defining moment that led to my decision to seek a different form of self defense training.
Here’s another example in the context of a relationship. My girlfriend in college told me I wasn’t listening to her. This made me mad because I was trying to suggest solutions to the problem I had very carefully listened to.
Then I realized what she really meant. Trying to fix her problem made her feel like I wasn’t willing to acknowledge the emotional pain caused by the problem.
To her it felt like I was trying to rush past the emotions so that I could fix the problem so that she would stop going on about it. It was a defining moment where I suddenly understood one of the key differences in communication patterns between men and women.
My defining moment was when a guy told me while looking straight in my eyes that I was irresistible because everyone wanted my attention, and that “ he found me irresistible too.” Right there and then, I realize that sometimes we women we tend to undermine our inner powers.
what if they didn’t feel there was a defining moment maybe it was just a cool time relaxing nothing eye opening or defining about it , couldn’t this backfire in a way where you ask and make the implication that he should have had some ipiphini or highlight and because he didn’t that some how makes him feel like he didn’t live up to your standards thus he is now just a basic bitch in his eyes ? I apologize but I know men like this where if you ask too indepth a question it can make him feel stupid or superficial