A friend of mine took up yoga in her 40s.
She wanted to improve her flexibility. She was starting to feel stiff in the mornings. But she stuck with it after she discovered how it made her feel on a psychological level.
She said it was like “spending quality time with my body.”
Instead of thinking critical thoughts about how she looked—which she did more often than she liked—she learned to prioritize how her body felt.
She started to notice new sensations, like how her breath felt in her chest.
It gave her a sense of peace and a contentment with her body she’d never had before.
I frequently speak with my clients about the power of mindfulness in relationships. But the way she put it just struck my funny bone. “James, men have popped out of everywhere!”
She saw my quizzical face and pointed to her backside with a cheeky grin. “Is it the yoga pants??”
I wasn’t about to comment on her body…
But I did have an idea or two on why her newfound love of yoga was sending out a beacon to single men.
The Allure of Mindfulness
Few of us set aside time every day to spend quality time with our bodies.
We act like disembodied brains on a mission to achieve, accomplish and perform.
Our bodies have to keep up, but our minds are the star of the show.
But when it comes to the playful fun of being with another human being you find attractive, the brain is only part of the whole self.
You want to explore your physical and spiritual connection, as well as having a meeting of minds.
That’s where mindfulness comes in.
Mindfulness has many definitions, but one I particularly like is showing up as your whole self—body, mind, and spirit—in this moment.
You’re aware of the thoughts crossing your mind and the sensations flooding your body, and you notice them without judgment.
You keep coming back to that still center of peace inside you, where you have a choice as to how you will respond.
That mindful space is a beautiful place to be, because it doesn’t require anything from anyone.
You don’t have to perform for a man.
Nor do you need anything from him.
You can just be together in the moment, experiencing whatever you’re experiencing.
Why Men Find Mindfulness Attractive
Yoga is the first introduction to mindfulness for many people, but few people recognize how it helps your body communicate alluring vibes to the opposite gender.
When you practice mindfulness, you become much more aware of your physical responses.
You notice when your heart starts beating faster in the presence of an attractive man. You notice when his quirky grin brings a rush of heat to your body.
And because of your practice of non-judgmental awareness, feeling desire for him doesn’t necessarily bring up that old knee-jerk reaction of embarrassment.
You know those are just sensations—very pleasurable sensations, to be truthful with yourself—and you can decide whether to act on those sensations or just enjoy them and let them go.
Mindfulness helps you feel less reactive and more in control of how you will respond to situations.
And those feelings are reflected in your facial expressions.
In a study published March 2022, researchers from Cardiff University found that people find mindful faces more attractive.
Mindful faces are perceived as aware, calm, thoughtful, warm, and kind.
People not only find mindful faces more attractive, but also more likable and—this might surprise you—competent.
Yes, mindfulness helps you keep your mind clear and process information more effectively.
You can see what’s happening in the present moment without expectations or preconceptions skewing your experience.
That’s a breath of fresh air for men, who often feel judged against who their date wants them to be.
It also enables you to see any signs that this is the right or wrong person for you much faster.
Ways to Start a Mindfulness Practice
Want to start your own mindfulness practice?
Yoga is a great entry point for beginners, but you can bring mindfulness to anything you do.
You can hike mindfully, do chores mindfully, even sit mindfully.
There are a number of mindfulness meditations you can try on YouTube and mindfulness books you can read.
There are mindfulness apps like Headspace, and there may even be mindfulness classes in your area.
Because mindfulness comes in so many flavors, keep experimenting until you find what works for you.
You don’t have to meditate—or do yoga—to be mindful.
You can simply bring more awareness to the things you do in everyday life.
And if that makes you more attractive to men?
You’ll want to lean into that as an experience to appreciate one moment at a time.
What kind of books do you recommend for mindfulness?