Kristina Wright[1] is busy. She’s a full-time freelance writer, wife, and mother of two. Spare time. Kristina doesn’t have it.

In spite of that, she describes her connection with her husband as profoundly tight. “We are together even when we are apart,” she says.

Sounds kind of magical, right? What’s her secret?

Text messages.

In a recent article[2] she explained, “My husband and I text each other like teenagers. We have far more texting conversations than we do face-to-face…”

If you’re thinking that sounds like a red flag, you’re not alone. She gets that feedback fairly often.

But she points to the fact that they’re way more connected than most couples. And given how frequently they communicate, it’s hard to argue.

So, is that it? The so-called absolute best way to communicate is texting?

No. Not exactly.

Wright and her hubby are busy people. And writing comes naturally to both of them. Because of their schedules, they rarely spend 30 minutes chatting on the phone. So texting is the backbone of their communication.

But that’s because it works for them.

Text messages aren’t the important thing. No, the important thing is the discovery these two made. A discovery about what makes communication work.

Communication is kind of like working out. If you want to get in better shape, there are literally hundreds of ways to do it. Run, swim, spin, lift weights, cardio classes, yoga—you name it.

Your local gym probably has more options than you even know about. And the best fitness plan is the one that works for you. The one you stick with long enough to reap the rewards.

Communication is the same way.

It really doesn’t matter what works for another couple. Communication isn’t some cookie-cutter thing. Nope. You and your guy have to work together to figure out what fits for you.

Let me help.

If you’re struggling to find a solid way to stay connected, try out different kinds of communication until you find the one that clicks for you.

Maybe it’s one night a week with no TV. Maybe it’s scheduled 20-minute phone calls at lunch. Maybe it’s working out together. Or maybe, like the Wright’s, it’s text messaging.

The temptation is to look at other couples and copy their methods. Don’t do that.

The best way to communicate is whatever works for you and your guy.

Experiment until you find a combination of methods that work best in your relationship. And when you figure it out, expand your use of that particular method.

Successful long-term couples have been customizing their communication for ages. Doing the same can make a world of difference in your own relationship.

Take just five minutes right now. Invest that five minutes by just thinking. Think about how you communicate with the special guy in your life. See what patterns you can notice.

Then come up with a plan. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just try something, learn, and repeat.

[1] Wright, Kristina. Kristina Wright. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Mar. 2016.

[2] Wright, Kristina. “My Husband and I Text More Than We Talk — and That’s OK.” Cosmopolitan. Cosmopolitan, 21 Sept. 2015. Web. 01 Mar. 2016.