The end of a relationship hurts.
You’re desperate to get him back. You think of everything you might have wrong. You can barely get through a day of work without crying.
When you get in contact with him, he seems so cold and cruel. He’s like a different person. How could he feel nothing for you so quickly?
You talk to your friends, and they all know what you’re going through. They’ve been there. They know how much it hurts.
Here are 10 friend-approved tips for surviving the next 6 months.
Tip #1. Choose Health
Pour all that energy you were pouring into him into yourself.
Go on a health kick. Stock your fridge with nutritious food. Hit the gym. Get a new haircut. Buy new clothes. Work on your career.
Do all those things you felt you never had time to do for yourself.
Tip #2. Pick Your Coping Mechanisms Wisely
Ice cream and alcohol can get you through the first few days, but after that you’re going to need healthier coping mechanisms.
Lean on friends and family, but keep your support network broad to avoid relying too much on any one person. Catch up with old friends and friends you haven’t spoken to in a while.
Seek mental health support, whether it’s through self-help books, therapy, church, or a meditation app.
Tip #3. Ask The Right Questions
Instead of asking yourself, “Why did he stop loving me?” ask yourself questions that help you look towards the future, such as…
- What have I learned from this relationship?
- What do I need to own about my behavior in this relationship?
- What would I like to do better in my next relationship?
- What do I need to let go from this relationship?
- What would I like to build in my next relationship?
Tip #4. Exhibit Self-Respect
Right now you’d probably do anything to get him back.
But in the aftermath of a painful breakup, the best thing you can do is hold onto your self-respect.
Stop contacting him. Avoid places you might run into him. Don’t ask other people about him. And whatever you do, don’t sleep with him.
Tip #5. Remove All Reminders
Box up everything he gave you. Add all photos of him and anything that reminds you of him. Put the box in the back of a cupboard where you won’t see it.
Change his name in your phone to something unrecognizable. If you can’t bear to block him from your social media accounts, mute or unfollow him instead.
Tip #6. Reframe The Breakup
Breakups hurt because they feel so incredibly unfair. You loved him so much. You did so much for him. How could he do this to you?
Try reframing the breakup so that you can see a silver lining.
The breakup has shown you a side of him you didn’t know existed. Isn’t it better you know now that he wasn’t able to love you, rather than 5 years down the road? You’ve still got time to meet someone worth you.
He’s given you your freedom so that you can meet someone better.
Tip #7. Don’t Leap At The Chance of Getting Back With Him
If he came to you tomorrow and said, “I made a mistake, I need you back,” what would you say?
Don’t be so sure you’d say yes. Think about the way he broke up with you. Hasn’t it changed something about the way you see him?
You won’t ever get your old relationship back. You’d have to rebuild your relationship in a way that incorporates this new knowledge you have about the kind of man he is.
Food for thought…
Tip #8. Keep Your Feelings in Perspective
Remember that your feelings are just feelings; they’re not signs. Even if you FEEL you’ll never love again, that doesn’t MEAN you’ll never love again.
Some of your feelings may contradict each other. That’s okay. Make room for them all.
One day you’ll think you’re over him, only to have grief roaring back the next. That mess inside your head will sort itself out, given time and tenderness.
Write your feelings. Draw your feelings. Sing your feelings. Just don’t act out your feelings.
Tip #9. Stay in Integrity
Your friends are going to say bad things about your ex. You’re going to want to say bad things about your ex.
Bashing him will feel really good. Find some other way to feel good.
Condemning him won’t help you heal. Let him go. Work on your own healing journey.
You want to go into your next relationship with full confidence that you can trust yourself and trust a man.
Tip #10. Choose You
He didn’t choose you, but you can.
Remember what makes you happy. Remember what makes you feel proud of yourself. Focus on those things. Give yourself the love you’d been giving to him.
It’s going to be okay.
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