Fascination Factor: 3 Ways to Keep Him Fascinated with You

When do you feel most drawn towards your partner?

This is one of Esther Perel’s favorite questions.

She’s asked this question to audiences around the world, and she delights in the range of answers.

Some people say they feel drawn to their partner when they see them performing, dancing, or being artistic.

Others feel drawn to their partner when their partner surprises them.

But of all the answers Perel receives, there are three that come up most frequently…

And I’ll tell you what they are in just a bit!

“I Feel Most Drawn to My Partner When….”

First, though, what do you think your answer might be?

When do you feel most drawn towards your partner?

Think about the times when it feels like there’s a gravitational field around your partner pulling you closer.

Or maybe it feels like your partner is a warm fire on a cold day. He is light and heat and comfort.

You’re ever-so-slightly in awe of him.

You can’t believe your good luck that this man is yours.

Once you have your answer, you might want to share it with your partner.

Tell him, “There’s something about you when you _______________. I can’t keep my eyes off you. You’re so vibrant and alive. You captivate me.”

Then, if you feel comfortable, ask him:

“When do you feel most drawn towards me?”

This Isn’t About Attraction

Feeling drawn towards someone isn’t the same as feeling attracted to them.

When you are attracted to someone, you feel desire. You want to kiss them, touch them, be with them romantically.

When you are drawn towards someone, you feel intense interest.

You want to watch them. Admire them. Soak them in.

You’re fascinated. In this moment, they’re a mystery you want to solve.

For many of us, this feeling fades the longer we’re in a relationship.

Even though we’re still attracted to our partner, we’re no longer drawn to them quite so powerfully.

But that can change if you know these 3 tips…

He Feels Drawn to You When…

Esther Perel discovered that there are three situations in which most people feel powerfully drawn towards their partner.

They are:

1. When your partner is in their element.
2. When you’re seeing your partner again after a period apart.
3. When you’re seeing your partner through someone else’s eyes.

What these situations have in common is the way they force you to take a new look at someone you know so well.

In His Element

You think you know your partner inside and out. But is he the same person when he’s not around you?

Take work, for example.

Our professional selves can be quite different to our private selves. At work, we may be more assertive, more serious, or more focused. We may exhibit skills our partner didn’t even know we had.

Seeing your partner at work can make you look him with new eyes.

Consider other places and situations where he’s in his element. Maybe it’s at the gym. Maybe it’s when he’s doing his favorite hobby.

Join him in those places now and again. Gain a new appreciation of this multi-faceted person you’ve fell in love with.

And give him that same opportunity with you.

Invite him to see what you do when you’re in your element.

Reunited At Last

We often think that close couples spend very little time apart.

But that’s not true.

Spending time apart can be good for couples.

If one of you has to travel for work, it gives you the opportunity to miss one another.

When you finally see each other after a week apart, you see details that you’d normally miss.

You notice that his hair has grown longer, or he smells like hotel soap. You notice how your whole body relaxes when he holds you in his arms.

You appreciate him more, because you’ve experienced the pain of being apart.

You have more to say to each other, as you share what you did in each other’s absence.

So don’t be afraid to go for a girls weekend away, or let him go off on a snowboarding holiday with friends. These small absences can bring much-needed aliveness and energy to your relationship.

Through Other People’s Eyes

When he walks through a restaurant with you on his arm, he notices other men watching.

As he sits down at the table, he gazes at you longer than normal. He tries to see what those other men saw. A beautiful woman, dressed up just for him.

When we notice other people admiring our partner, we borrow their gaze for a moment.

We see what they see. We see positive qualities we might otherwise have taken for granted.

You don’t have to feel jealous when you notice other people appreciating your partner.

You can feel proud that you’re the one he’s chosen to be with.

Sometimes, all it takes is seeing your partner through someone else’s eyes to remind you how lucky you are…

And he feels the same way.