If you don’t meet your own emotional needs early on in a relationship, you’ll feel it later. Plus, it has the potential to really mess with your connection with your guy.
To illustrate what I’m talking about, think about the last time you were craving something.
I’m not talking about wanting something. I’m talking about CRAVING something. Feeling a level of desire that verges on obsession.
For example, a lot of people crave sweets. And the results of a recent study suggest that sweetness in the mouth triggers a “neurological reward” as powerful as cocaine.”[1]
No wonder we crave sugar!
How do you defeat a craving for sweets? One way is to eat a protein-rich breakfast. New research shows that a solid breakfast with plenty of protein “may lower food cravings later in the day.”[2]
Weird as it may sound, meeting a legitimate need early on can eliminate an empty feeling later.
The very same process plays out in relationships, too.
A great example is the classic case of the woman who lacks confidence. She starts dating someone. He dotes on her, but it’s never enough. She’s needy for affirmation, no matter how much he gives. She feels insecure in the relationship if he’s not doting on her all the time.
Why? Because she STILL lacks confidence. He’ll never satisfy her “relationship craving” for validation. In the end, it just messes with the foundation of the relationship.
But if you can cover certain emotional bases before things get serious, you can stop unproductive relationship cravings before they start. Instead of wanting something he can’t give, you’ll be able to ENJOY the relationship.
That’s so much better than feeling like you’re not getting what you need. Which begs the question, what’s the relationship equivalent of a good breakfast?
Psychologists call it “self-care.” I have seven super-easy suggestions[3] for injecting some self-care into your daily routine.
1. Know your no’s.
Make a literal list of things you don’t like to do. It might include optional activities you don’t enjoy (like seeing horror movies), or limiting when you do some things (like not checking work email at night). Then don’t do those things.
2. Don’t skimp on sleep.
Sleep can help keep your appetite in check, boost cognitive ability, lift your mood, help your body heal, and even lower your blood pressure.[4]
3. Workouts help you work stuff out.
Besides burning calories and toning muscle, exercise improves your mood, super-charges your energy levels, and helps you get better sleep.[5]
4. Give meditation a try.
Mediation keeps your brain young, works as a natural antidepressant, helps you concentrate, and reduces anxiety.[6]
5. Do the family thing.
Time with family can be very rewarding. Who doesn’t like to feel loved? And if you’re not on the best of terms with your biological family, consider adjusting your definition of “family” to include what I call “chosen family” – your friends that are like family.
6. Be completely chill at least once a day.
Every day, spend at least a few minutes doing something completely relaxing. Take a bath, go for a short walk, or just veg on the couch without trying to accomplish anything.
7. Be completely selfish at least once a day.
Every day, do something purely for your own pleasure. Hang out with a friend, read fiction for fun, or treat yourself to a really good meal.
Self-care FTW.
Get serious about taking care of yourself. When you do that, you’re also taking care of your relationship.
If you’re not in a relationship right now, self-care is an investment in your future. If you’re with someone right now, self-care will only make it better.
Either way, self-care is an essential part of romance that rocks.
[1] Lenoir M, Serre F, Cantin L, Ahmed SH (2007) Intense Sweetness Surpasses Cocaine Reward. PLoS ONE 2(8): e698. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0000698
[2] “Eating This For Breakfast Reduces Food Cravings Later in The Day.” PsyBlog. N.p., 17 Oct. 2016. Web. 20 July 2017.
[3] Michael, Raphailia, MA. “What Self-Care Is – and What It Isn’t.” PsychCentral. N.p., 13 Aug. 2016. Web. 20 July 2017.
[4] Blahd, William, MD. “The Healing Power of Sleep.” WebMD. WebMD, 06 Oct. 2016. Web. 20 July 2017.
[5] “Exercise: 7 Benefits of Regular Physical Activity.” Mayo Clinic. Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 13 Oct. 2016. Web. 20 July 2017.
[6] Walton, Alice G. “7 Ways Meditation Can Actually Change The Brain.” Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 09 Feb. 2015. Web. 20 July 2017.
So my significant other, Randy, is a good guy, we have had our ups and downs. I asked him the other day about his feelings towards me and he states to me, I don’t Love, I have no feelings for you. I said you go through ALL the actions, I know there is something there. In the 5 years we have been going out, the first few months were really nice dating and we soon fell in love and said it to one another. In July, the 5th month his son committed suicide, which his son asked when I would be there next time and it was on the date he took his life, I think he thought I would be there to help his Dad, is one reason why he chose that day. I held him and was just there for him when he needed someone. Then we talked and I moved in the following late May. It was good at first and then he got very sick, I helped him picked him up out of the tub, and finally took him to the emergency room after he was having chest pain, only to find out that he had lupus,this was in March that next spring right before this I asked why he didn’t say he loved me any more. He said I don’t Love you I feel nothing I feel numb from my son, I have an empty part of me. But then when he got sick, I took care of him and it was going ok. In the meantime his sister-in-law, excluded me from all family gatherings, I was upset that Randy did not defend me, but I had people to help me feel better about myself. Then This last August he fell and shattered his ankle having to have 2 surgeries and mend for 6 months, I took care of him, helped him did most everything for him, his family only took him to appointments or anything 2 times, and there was a lot of appts. happy to do this for him. He went back to work and just recently retired, he has nice amount of money to retire with, that is not the issue , money. All this while his daughter with special needs and her mom, one of the exs comes to most family gatherings, at first I was taken back, but a little better each time. His other daughter asked me to come help with clean at one of her mom’s sisters place that just had a fire, the other ex. I gladly told I would be more than happy to help out, Linda was very appreciative. She passed away like 2 days later, sad. In the mean time Randy has been very affectionate and caring toward me, looking forward to having things to do together, going for drives, getting groceries, getting an ice cream cone and the list goes on. Our bedroom life is very sensual and compassionate for the last 3+ years. I Love him dearly, what should I do?
I fully agree and now to getting better with it!
James????your my peep,
As a reminder of all truths , I know are real and I hold dear to my heart, one I have been teaching to all I influence. This piece is a sweet reminder, that I’m real. Breakfast and a few other things I’m weak on right now, so great cozy hug of encouragement for me, –
Personally I’ve never looked for all my happiness in my mate, it’s unfair for him and unforgiving to yourself, for setting yourself up for failure. It’s wrong to put that pressure on your guy, and worse to put that pressure on your possibly new relationship? I agree James! ????♀️