5 Ways to Talk About Commitment (Without Talking About Commitment)

When you meet a man you really like, you don’t feel like keeping your options open.

You want to be with him and only him.

So you give him the best gift of all:

Your complete and whole-hearted commitment.

You keep your weekends open for him. You take down your dating profile. You tell everyone you’re taken.

You want him to know that you’d never even look at anyone else.

But you can’t help but notice he hasn’t done the same.

His dating profile is still up.

He schedules other plans on the weekend.

He’s vague about your relationship status.

You want to talk to him about where this is going, but you’re afraid.

Is there any way you can “test” his level of commitment without coming out and asking?


Try one of these 5 ideas.

1. Buy tickets to an event 6 months in advance.

Perhaps there’s a band or comedian or sports team you both like.

Look for an upcoming performance or game that’s a reasonable distance in the future and sure to sell out, so tickets won’t be available at the last minute.

Ask him if he’d like to go.

If he’s willing to plunk down money on an expensive ticket, that suggests he sees himself with you in 6 months.

2. Do a long-term project together.

Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to ballroom dance. Maybe you’ve always wanted to plant a garden.

Maybe the two of you are so hilarious you should have your own YouTube channel.

Suggest starting a mutual project together.

Pick something that will take time and effort to come to fruition. (Watching the entire collected works of your favorite director doesn’t count!)

3. Ask him how he’d feel if you made plans with a guy friend.

Make tentative plans with a guy friend to go on a hike or out to an evening event together.

Then run it by your guy to make sure he’s okay with it.

If he sees himself in a relationship with you, he won’t want you spending time with other men.

He may say he doesn’t care, but you’ll be able to see discomfort in his reaction.

4. Talk about your future plans.

When a man considers committing to a woman, he’s not just committing to her. He’s committing to her view of the future.

If she dreams of buying a fixer-upper and spending weekends renovating, he’d better be interested in debating fittings and fixtures.

Sharing your plans with him helps him picture what a future with you would be like.

Don’t be vague. Keep it concrete. Talk about what you genuinely expect to happen and what you’re doing to make it happen.

Talk about your plans for next year, as well as your 5-year plan.

Notice how he responds.

If he shares his own future plans—and they differ significantly from yours—he’s telling you that he doesn’t see this as a long-term thing.

5. Let him know when you’re struggling or sick.

One of the big differences between a casual relationship and a long-term relationship is the degree of support.

Someone you’re dating casually might pop by with a can of chicken soup when you’re sick, but someone who’s committed will make sure you go to the doctor (and even offer to take you).

When you want a long-term future with someone, you’re invested in their happiness and well-being. Their pain causes you pain. You’re willing to suffer alongside them.

In a casual relationship, you’re more invested in your own happiness. You want a relationship that benefits you.

These days, you can’t assume that a man is open to a long-term relationship just because he says he is.

He may talk about wanting a future with you, but his actions reveal otherwise.

If a man won’t make concrete future plans with you, avoids you when you need support, and doesn’t want the kind of life you want, then you can safely assume he’s not invested in the relationship.

On the other hand, if he’s willing to take on long-term projects with you, plans ahead, expects exclusivity, and looks after your well-being, your future looks bright.

Trigger His Desires - Free Report By Luke Pendleton Get Your Free Report
Get It Now