5 Things Men Are Insecure About

Men act so confident.

They act like they know what they’re doing.

They don’t have hang-ups about their body.

They think they’re a catch (even when they’re not).

But everything is not what it seems…

Deep down, many men are insecure and uncertain.

They’ve been told that their masculinity depends on being desired by women.

They’re given conflicting (and often downright wrong) information about what women want.

They act in ways that reflect who they think they’re supposed to be rather than how they feel inside.

Knowing this can help you see through his facade and encourage the real him to shine.

Here are 5 ways he might be feeling insecure and what that means for you.

1. The Mask of Confidence

It can seem like women are the only ones with insecurities…

Because women tend to be more comfortable talking about them.

When a woman shares her insecurities with someone she trusts, she feels supported and heard.

That’s not always the case for men.

Many men don’t have friends they can be vulnerable with. If they let an insecurity slip, they’ll be made fun of.

So they’ve learned that it’s better to keep their mouths shut and act confident.

What this means for you:

If you’ve ever felt frustrated with a man for not opening up, remember that he may not feel safe opening up. It’s backfired on him before.

He has to believe that you won’t judge him, you won’t hold it against him, and you won’t think less of him for it.

2. The Weight of Expectations

Men feel a lot of pressure to be the “right” kind of man…

Someone who’s as strong as Thor, as rich as Jeff Bezos, and as handsome as Ryan Gosling.

Men tell each other that women are only interested in looks, status, and wealth.

But the truth is that these qualities are how men judge each other.

Men size each other up, and they’re not shy about saying something if another guy is found lacking.

What this means for you:

If you can’t understand why he’s so hard on himself, even though you’ve told him you love him just as he is, this is why.

What you think of him may matter less to him than what other guys think of him.

3. The Illusion of Desirability

Whereas we all know there’s a lot of pressure on women to be desirable, we don’t always acknowledge the pressure on men.

Today, thanks to social media and dating apps, men need to look good in photos just as much as women do.

And looking good has become a lot harder. It’s one thing to aspire to be a Cary Grant or Frank Sinatra. It’s quite another to aspire to be a Channing Tatum or Dwayne Johnson.

Many men believe that attractiveness is a matter of life or death. They believe that women only notice men who are conventionally masculine and high status. Men who are neither are doomed to be alone.

What this means for you:

He might not make a move unless he thinks you’re attracted to him, and his feelings about himself can get in the way.

Kick off a conversation about desirability by asking, “Who’s a celebrity you find attractive and why?”

Then share your thoughts. He might be surprised to find that women can be attracted to all sorts of guys, even shy or geeky or skinny ones.

4. The Pursuit of Validation

Single men often get flooded by toxic advice when they search for dating tips on the internet.

One particularly toxic piece of advice relates to hypergamy.

This refers to the age-old practice of “marrying up,” or marrying someone with higher social status.

In online forums, this concept has been twisted to mean that a woman will always dump her boyfriend if someone of higher status comes along.

As you and I know, that’s simply not true. Why would you leave someone you love for someone you barely know, even if the other person happens to be more of a catch?

But many men believe that hypergamy is real. They’re convinced their partner will leave them if someone better comes along.

What this means for you:

He may not act like he needs your reassurance. He may shrug off your compliments. But deep down he’s worried about not being enough for you.

Don’t assume he knows how you feel. He needs to know every day that you choose him.

5. The Fear of Judgment

For some men, their quest to get better with the opposite sex comes with an unintended consequence:

They become highly critical of themselves.

They become more self-conscious. They judge themselves on every aspect of how they look and how they perform.

They may even project that judgment onto others.

You’re not judging him at all, but he thinks you’re judging him (because he’s judging himself).

Feeling judged can make him act more harshly towards you.

Taken to an extreme, it can even lead him to break up with you.

If he thinks you’re not into him, then he’ll end it before you can. You think he lost interest, but in fact he was avoiding the humiliation of being broken up with.

What this means for you:

You can’t fix his insecurities. Only he can do that.

But you can tell him how you see him. You can talk about your own struggles with self-acceptance. You can talk about how easy it is to assume people are judging you when they’re not.

Insecurities make relationships harder. But we all have them. Talk about them to bring them out in the open. When they’re no longer secret, they’re not as frightening.

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