You like him. But you don’t know what he thinks of you.
You lie awake at night wondering:
Does he like me? Does he find me attractive?
Does he see me as relationship material?
It’s so frustrating not to know!
If you could get inside a man’s mind and read his thoughts, you would know exactly how to reach his heart.
But in real life, men are a closed book.
They’re not going to tell you what they think of you.
You have to guess based on their behavior.
Either they ask to see you again, or they just stop calling. No explanations.
The dating scene moves so fast these days that you’ve got a very short window in which to impress a man.
You need to know what he’s looking for. You need to know the right signals to send.
And it may turn out that some things you do quite naturally, with the very best of intentions, are sending the wrong signals.
Watch out for these surprising red flags that you may not realize turn great men off.
Red Flag #1.
You’re evaluating him.
You think you’re just asking him questions.
You’re trying to find out more about him.
But he feels like he’s being grilled.
He feels like this is an interview, and he’ll be penalized if he gives the wrong answers.
When you ask him what he does for a living, he assumes you’re trying to find out how much he makes.
When you ask him about his past relationships, he assumes you want to know if he can hold down a relationship.
Instead of asking him a ton of questions, trust that you’ll learn what you need to know through the natural course of your conversation.
Tip: Swap the question-and-answer date for the trading-stories date. Tell him a story about your life, and wait to see if he responds with a story of his own.
Red Flag #2.
You’re not impressed.
You’ve been listening to him talk about non-fungible tokens and Bitcoin for the last ten minutes, and your mind is starting to wander.
You try to bring the conversation back to something more solid, like his family or his favorite music.
You notice a shift in the mood. His eagerness drains away.
What just happened?
Many men feel a responsibility to impress their date. They’ll often talk about complicated or impressive topics just to prove they’d be good “boyfriend material.”
That can be a real turn-off for many women, who listen politely then change the subject or stifle a yawn.
He’s bored her.
She’s not interested after all.
It’s a tragic case of miscommunication. Yes, he should have the social awareness to see when a topic isn’t connecting with his date. But because of the responsibility he feels to impress her, he carries on even though he knows it’s not working.
Tip: Pay more attention to his delivery, his enthusiasm, and his nonverbal cues than following the precise thread of what he’s saying. His passion can impress you, even when the topic doesn’t.
Red Flag #3.
You want something from him.
Of course you want to talk about your romantic goals on a first date.
You want to make sure you’re on the same page.
But he hears you saying that you want a relationship and, if he doesn’t want the same thing, he’s out.
Some men believe that women are more interested in achieving their goal of a relationship than in getting to know someone new.
It feels to them as if women have a box they want to put men in. If he doesn’t fit, she’s not interested.
That’s not the case at all! He has drawn the wrong conclusion.
But he doesn’t know that, and the date fizzles because of a simple misunderstanding.
Tip: Instead of talking about what you WANT, talk about what you LOVE. Share your favorite parts of being in a relationship.
Red Flag #4.
You don’t want to share.
Would you share food with a man on a first or second date?
Would you squeeze into a booth with him if there was nowhere else to sit?
Would you go in together on something, or would you prefer to go separately?
Men don’t offer to share unless they like a woman.
They want to see if she’s comfortable getting closer. It’s an opportunity to test the chemistry.
So, if you pull back and maintain your distance, he concludes that you’re not interested—even though you may like him very much!
Tip: If he offers to share, treat it as a sign of interest and say yes if you feel comfortable.
Red Flag #5.
You don’t give him a green light.
Men wonder if you like them as much as you wonder if they like you.
On a date, a man is always looking for signs that you’re not interested, so he can pull back before he makes a fool of himself.
Sometime a man will conclude that you’re not interested because of minor things.
He went to open the door for you or get your coat, and you did it yourself before he could. Or he offered to pay and you wouldn’t let him. Or you were feeling nervous or awkward, and he took that to mean you didn’t like him.
These small miscommunications can add up, but you can make sure he knows how you feel by giving him a clear green light.
Tip: At the end of a date, tell him, “I had a great time. We should hang out again sometime.” And leave it at that.
I think you are doing a very kind interpretation…. instead of focusing on ourselves and how someone failed it really is more sensible to give these miscommunications the benefit of the doubt. Most of us really are living in our own story of fears, insecurities, etc and it isn’t personal.
Such wonderful common sense advice!