You thought you made it clear.
You told him you wanted a relationship.
And he agreed!
He said he wanted a relationship, too.
You believed him.
But you’ve been seeing him for a while now, and you’re still not sure where this is going.
He compliments you but never says how he feels about you.
He says he wants to take it day by day, but you want to make plans for the future.
He is eager to jump into bed, but never around when you just want to hang out.
Did you get your wires crossed somewhere?
Or is it actually taking him this long to decide whether he wants a relationship with you?
Casual Dating Is Just So Easy
Most people take the path of least resistance.
If everything is going well, why change it?
Why risk having a difficult conversation?
If your guy seems happy but hasn’t brought up the topic of a relationship yet, it may have nothing to do with whether he likes you.
He may just like the way things are.
If you want a relationship, you can’t let casual dating become the status quo.
Avoid these 3 casual dating traps that can keep you stuck.
Casual Dating Trap #1:
Waiting on Him Indefinitely
Do you feel like you have to wait for him to decide whether to take the next step?
Do you feel like it’s out of your hands?
Being patient is great. It takes time to get to know one another and decide whether this is something you want.
But it’s not okay to keep putting off that decision.
If you’ve been seeing each other for a month and you’re still not sure where you stand, then your indecision is a sign. You don’t feel strongly enough about this person.
Instead of waiting indefinitely for him to decide whether he wants a relationship with you, make your own decision.
If you want a relationship with him, let him know.
You might say something like:
“I have had such a great time with you over the past month. I feel like I’ve learned so much about you, and I’m honored that you shared so much with me. I’ve been thinking about our first date and how we both said we wanted relationships. I’m ready to say yes to a relationship with you. Are you ready to say yes to a relationship with me?”
Casual Dating Trap #2:
Acting Like You’re in a Relationship
If you are basically his girlfriend, for all intents and purposes…
Then does it matter if he doesn’t use that word to describe you?
Some women think it can help their cause to act like his girlfriend. He’ll discover just how good it can be.
Once he gets a taste of life with her, he won’t be able to live without her.
Unfortunately, this idea can backfire.
It gives him most of the benefits of a relationship with none of the sacrifices, removing any incentive he has to take that next step.
If you’re not in a relationship, don’t act like you’re in a relationship.
Decide in advance what you will hold back for a boyfriend and not give to someone you’re casually dating.
Maybe there are limits to the amount of time you’ll reserve for him.
Maybe there are limits to how physically close you’ll get.
Maybe there are limits to how much you’ll involve him in your life.
Know the difference between how you treat a boyfriend and a man you’re casually dating… and don’t be afraid to communicate that difference to him.
You may worry that setting limits will put him off. What if he meets someone else who gives him more than you’re giving him?
That could happen. A man who wants the benefits of a relationship without the commitment will lose interest quickly.
But a man who’s interested in you will see your limits differently.
You’re holding back something, and that gives you an air of mystery.
He won’t know how great you are as a girlfriend until he becomes your boyfriend.
That’s the kind of challenge good men love.
Casual Dating Trap #3:
Having One Conversation And Calling It Done
Becoming a couple is more than saying yes to being in a relationship together.
Becoming a couple is a constant conversation about how you feel, what you want from the relationship, and where you see the two of you headed.
But many of us have been taught to avoid those conversations.
They can go badly. You can say things you wish you hadn’t said. You can hear things you wish you hadn’t heard.
One of the reasons we come to dread those big conversations is because we’re not having lots of little conversations along the way.
Talking about your relationship doesn’t have to be a big deal.
It can be something you bring up when an idea occurs to you, when you’re reading something interesting, or when you’re watching a romantic movie.
Check in regularly with each other. Ask how things are going. Ask how things could be better.
Relationships don’t move forward when people don’t talk.
So talk. Don’t wait for him to bring it up.
You can’t get your heart’s desire if you won’t ask.
By the way, if this topic resonated with you, and you’d like to explore it further, follow this link to our special report on this topic (free to those of you who are already members of our Irresistible Insiders group)
In my experience men will make this intention very clear very quickly, if that’s what they want. Men are the ones who typically invest resources with the risk a woman will get pregnant by another. They are the ones who will pursue exclusivity and if they want you they don’t need the woman to say she’s ready, or a month. I have never had sex with a man who didn’t make it clear his intentions , that he saw me as wife material. That is a woman’s first mistake. If you want traditional relationship, look for traditional men and behave traditionally. I have also never had sex within a month of meeting a new guy, that’s stupid if you want a serious relationship!!! Just wait.
James says wait too, but how long is long enough if you are both in your 70’s in a long distance relationship. Neither has kids with hundreds miles if miles between us. I just want to know when to say OK. I plan a visit next fall and I know it will come up but then what. I have herpes. My Dr. says the drug he gives me will protect him but we must talk about it. No surprises. That surprise was one I will never forgive over 45 years ago. If he understands & believes my doctor, then do we? Or do we wait for marriage proposals?
I personally wait for marriage, I know I’m old school, but that way I don’t waste time land energy on guys that are, well… a waste of my time and energy, 😂 However, if you do things the way most do these days, waiting AT LEAST a month and wearing a condom the first time is appropriate. I know this sounds like a major mood-killer, but honestly, I think the best time to talk about that is RIGHT before you do it. You don’t want to bring something like or ANYTHING too sad or too personal, etc, until the time is right because bringing yo things like that will send the guy screaming in the other direction, lol. I have it too, so it’s not like I don’t know where you’re coming from. I will never forgive the one who gave it to me either! Especially because I was sexually assaulted, but anyway, I digress…if things get hot and heavy and you have both said I love you for the first time and it was sincere (that is VERY important!!!), then you know it’s not too early and it’s also not too late! If you feel ready, have a confirm handy given the circumstances especially. Tell him and then ask if he wants to continue, and take it from there.