When you’re in your twenties, you assume you’ll meet the right person and grow old together.
You don’t imagine yourself trying to fill out a dating profile in your sixties…
But that’s where Candice found herself.
After losing her husband, the golden years she’d expected to enjoy with him stretched out like a barren desert before her.
She didn’t know what to do with herself.
She’d been a wife her entire life. Now she was living in a one-bedroom apartment, struggling with her health, and spending her days watching television.
She came to see me because a friend pressured her to do it.
She told me she needed advice on dating and flirting but, truth be told, she didn’t think there was any hope for her.
“Who would want someone like me?” she asked bitterly. “I’m not young or thin or beautiful. At this stage in my life, I’m a burden.”
“Why would a man want to be with you?” I repeated. I shook my head and smiled. “Because he enjoys you.”
You’re More Than a Profile
When you find yourself single in a world where young beauties get all the attention, it’s easy to feel discouraged.
You know that dating apps encourage superficial snap judgments.
You know that it would take a special kind of man to linger over your profile and see the woman behind the words.
So you resign yourself to nothing happening. You make the best of being on your own.
But have you ever thought about all the men in a similar situation?
Men, too, are lonely.
Men, too, want companionship.
They, too, compare themselves against younger men with better bodies and more to offer.
Can you help them?
Can you give a man the gift of your company?
What You Have to Offer
Especially as we grow older, we begin to value simpler things…
Like good conversation, like-minded souls, and relaxing company.
We’re not looking for flash. We don’t need to be impressed. We just want connection.
My guess is that you (and my client Candice) are really good at connecting.
You may worry that you don’t have enough to offer, whereas in fact you can offer exactly what so many men want and need:
Enjoyable company.
These men aren’t looking for a supermodel. They’re looking for someone to talk to, someone to be with, someone who cares about their day.
If you focus on your appearance, then you’re missing the reason they really want to be with you.
Candice knew she had a gift. She loved making other people’s day a little bit brighter.
Armed with newfound confidence, she began approaching men more…
And her social life exploded.
If you would like to make a man’s day a little bit brighter but aren’t sure how, try giving him these three “gifts.”
Gift #1.
“I enjoy being here with you.”
One of the best gifts you can give a man is your enjoyment. Make it clear that you take great pleasure in his company.
Why would that matter?
It matters because many men feel insecure when it comes to courtship.
They feel incredible pressure to pull off a date successfully.
When you reassure him that you’re enjoying yourself—through smiling, laughing, and positive body language—he can relax.
He did his job. Now he can sit back and enjoy being with you.
Gift #2.
“You’re special.”
Men are aware they have competition.
Dating apps can be humbling. There are so many other guys out there with better looks and more money.
That’s why every man needs to be told that there’s something special about him that’s different from other men.
He’s not like everyone else. You can see something in him most people miss.
Tell him what it is and what you think it means.
Gift #3.
“You’re a good man.”
Why would you need to tell a man he’s good?
Surely men don’t need this kind of reassurance. With their egos, they act as if they don’t care what other people think!
But the older we get, the more we have to reckon with the mistakes we’ve made and the more relationships we’ve failed at.
Few men are where they thought they’d be at this stage in their life. They thought they’d have earned more, done more, achieved more.
Dating can be an incredibly vulnerable experience.
They’re putting themselves out there to be loved despite knowing they haven’t always behaved in ways that were lovable.
So let him know that you see the good in him. He’s a good man, even if his life hasn’t always showed that.
When he knows that you see the good in him, you see what makes him special, and you enjoy his company, he sees you as a very special woman, too. You’re exactly what he needs.
So true James. I’m a 73yo woman dating an 83yo man. We met nearly 3 years ago via a dating app.
We both had been searching for some time and had both good and bad experiences along the way. But all this enabled us to learn what we really wanted out of a relationship at our time of life.
It’s been great. Everything you say in your article is absolutely spot on.
I have you to thank too. I had realised I really didn’t have a clue about modern dating. So I bought a couple of your programs to educate myself.
Your advice greatly boosted my confidence. I stopped doing all the ‘wrong’ things and started doing the ‘right’ things. The result was that I began to attract way more suitable potential partners.
We are very well suited and are having a lovely time together in a way that neither of us expected to happen so late in life. It’s definitely never too late with the right mindset.