Rena didn’t know what to do.

Her friends wanted her to break it off with him. He’s cheating on you, they said.

But she didn’t know that for sure. And their relationship was still really good. She relied on him. She knew going in that he was a bit of a ladies man. She’d be a hypocrite if she backed out now because she couldn’t handle that part of him.

Still, there was always a little voice in the back of her mind wondering if she was enough to keep his attention…

Until a moment came that made her doubts impossible to ignore.

Rena was sitting at the kitchen table when she saw her boyfriend’s phone light up. She wasn’t the type to snoop, but he’d left it right there.

She did a double-take when she saw the name. Wasn’t that his ex? What was she doing texting him?

So she asked him about it when he came back into the room.

He brushed it off, claiming that his ex was going through a rough patch. She felt he was the only one she could turn to. He wasn’t going to ignore her just because they were no longer together. He was being supportive, that was all. He wasn’t going to meet up with her, if that’s what Rena was worried about.

Rena wanted to be understanding.

She didn’t want to be uptight or jealous or the message police.

But something about this felt wrong.

Was she overreacting, or was something more going on?

The Two Types of Cheating

It’s human nature to feel jealous and a bit uneasy about the attention your partner gets from the opposite sex.

Even if you trust him implicitly, you don’t necessarily trust those other women.

So how do you know where to draw the line?

Rena felt pretty certain her boyfriend wasn’t meeting up with other women behind her back. But he did spend a lot of time messaging other women. Wasn’t that harmless?

Not necessarily.

We think of cheating as a physical act, but it can also be purely emotional.

Emotional cheating happens when someone invests emotionally in a person outside of their relationship at the expense of their partner.

It can involve sharing personal thoughts, secrets, or vulnerabilities with someone of the opposite sex, seeking comfort or validation from someone else, or simply drawing closer to a third party in a way that diminishes your emotional bond.

Even though nothing physical may be happening, those secret emotional ties are damaging to your relationship.

Look For These Warning Signs

Just because he has a close friend of the opposite sex doesn’t mean he’s emotionally cheating on you.

But it’s time to have a conversation with him if you see evidence of these four signs…

Warning Sign #1.
He’s Hiding Things

If he consistently downplays or hides his communication with other women, or if he becomes defensive when you ask about it, that’s a sign there’s something he doesn’t want you to know.

Warning Sign #2.
He’s Oversharing With Another Woman

If he’s turning to another woman for emotional support, advice, or comfort when he should be sharing those concerns with you, that’s a major red flag.

Warning Sign #3.
He’s Flirting With Other Women

Casual flirting might seem harmless to him, but it’s disrespectful to you. Flirting can give other women the impression he’s available and encourage them to pursue him.

Warning Sign #4.
He’s Prioritizing Another Woman Over You

Is he spending more time, energy, and emotional resources on another woman than he is on you? In a healthy relationship, you should be each other’s priority.

Setting Boundaries Without Being Controlling

No one wants to tell their partner to stop seeing friends of the opposite sex.

But it’s very appropriate to set some fair guidelines.

Here’s one way you can open this discussion:

“I was thinking the other day about how it must feel for you when I spend time with my guy friends. I don’t want those friendships to make you uncomfortable or threatened in any way. Are there any boundaries that would make you feel better about the time I spend with other guys?”

Or you could pose a theoretical scenario in which you had to work late nights with an attractive male co-worker. Is there anything about that scenario he wouldn’t like? What would he like you to do if something like that happened?

Once you’ve decided on some reasonable boundaries, suggest that these become the ground rules for how the two of you will handle your friendships with the opposite sex.

If he tries to argue that his female friendships should be treated differently than your male friendships, tell him:

“I know how much your female friends matter to you, and I don’t ever want to stand in the way of you being you. But I think we should play by the same rules. Would you be okay if I spent a lot of time with a hot male colleague or one of my exes?”

By treating this as an issue that affects both of you, you avoid making him feel attacked and increase the chances he’ll willingly get on board.

There are always going to be other women in his life and other men in your life. But those relationships should never become more important than the one you share together.