Three single friends go out for a girls night on the town.

One of the women is highly attractive. Another is super friendly. The last flirts with everyone.

Which friend is most likely to spark a connection with a guy on their evening out?

Well, Isn’t It Obvious?

The answer seems obvious.

Of course men pay more attention to how women look.

Being more attractive increases your chances of being noticed.

But there’s a difference between being noticed and being approached.

What motivates men to approach a woman and strike up a conversation is different from what causes him to notice her.

To find out which strategy is most successful in creating a romantic connection, let’s take a look into the male mind…

Why So Few Men Approach

Traditionally, it has been a man’s job to approach a woman.

But that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

Many men find approaching women stressful. They’d rather avoid it.

Not only are they afraid they’ll come across as creepy, awkward, or too intense, but they also know there’s a good chance they’ll be rejected.

Not only does rejection sting, but it can also humiliate.

If a man approaches a woman in a public place and she rebuffs him, he assumes that other people saw what just happened. At the very least, he knows his friends did, and they won’t let him hear the end of it.

Not exactly what he wants on a pleasurable and relaxing evening out!

This is why so many men never get up the courage to approach a woman they like the look of.

They think they’ll mess up, and they think they’ll get rejected.

(There is a small percentage of men who don’t think that way. These men will approach any woman anywhere. They may not be the men you want approaching you, though.)

The more attractive a woman is, the more intimidating she is. More men may want to approach her, but they lack the courage.

So, in this case, the attractive friend doesn’t meet anyone on her evening out.

Who does: the friendly woman or the flirty woman?

The Friend Zone

A friendly woman has an advantage.

She makes it easy for guys to talk to her, and she’ll carry the conversation if he stutters or his mind goes blank.

Even if she’s not interested, she will let him down in a way that allows him to save face.

But friendly women also have some disadvantages.

First, her friendliness may be misinterpreted by men as a sign of interest.

Studies show that guys are more likely to assume a woman is showing interest when she’s just being friendly.

Women, on the other hand, are more likely to assume a guy is just being friendly when in fact he’s showing interest.

Because men find it so hard to tell whether a woman is showing interest or just being friendly, they use a concept called “the Friend Zone.”

A man has been friend-zoned when a woman sees him as “just a friend” rather than a potential romantic partner.

Men are highly motivated to avoid the Friend Zone.

If their sights are set on a romantic partner, they don’t want to invest energy in a platonic friendship that won’t go anywhere.

Once a man realizes that a friendly woman is just being friendly, he may abruptly cut ties.

So, in this case, our friendly woman doesn’t meet a man on her night out.

That leaves one more…

Flirtatious Signals

Our flirtatious friend has mastered the single most important art of being approachable.

She gives off plenty of green lights.

She’s not afraid to catch a man’s eye and wink. She knows how loudly body language talks, and she uses it. She’s generous with compliments and loves to tease.

Flirtatiousness is friendliness with a dose of seduction.

Flirting comes as a relief to men. It signals approachability, and it’s clearly more than friendly.

If there’s one thing you can do to increase your chances of being approached by men, this is it.

A study looked at who got approached more: highly attractive women who didn’t give many nonverbal signals or ordinary women who gave lots of nonverbal signals.

It found that the women who got the most male attention were giving the most nonverbal signals—regardless of their appearance.

If you need some extra help on how to find your inner flirt, this minicourse can help.