You can transform your life by adopting short catchphrases you repeat to yourself often.
Big companies use this technique on you all the time. Some business people call them “micro-scripts,” but you will better recognize them with a few examples. They are short phrases that are easy to remember. They are designed to influence your thoughts about a certain company or brand. Here are some examples:
“Like a rock.” – Chevy
“1,000 songs in your pocket” – Apple iPod’s original catchphrase
“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” – The Las Vegas tourism promotional campaign
“Enterprise picks you up.” – The slogan for a rental car company
“Diamonds are forever.” – A complete game changer for the diamond industry
At other times, micro scripts are used to change people’s opinions or gather support. Here are some examples you may recognize:
“If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit.” – From the O.J. Simpson defense attorneys
“Guns don’t kill people, people do.” – People who don’t like gun control
“Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” – A public campaign to reduce drunk-driving fatalities
These short catchphrases are powerful because they are easy to remember. They stick in your thoughts and influence your mind. What if you could harness that same ability to influence your mind by designing your own short phrases?
You can use short catchphrases to purposefully transform your thinking, cope with stressful situations, or build resilience and powerful belief systems. Essentially, we’re talking about heuristics. Heuristics are mental shortcuts. Heuristics takes a complex idea and distills it into a simple reminder that acts as a shortcut to mentally pull up a larger, more complex set of ideas.
Here are a few ways I recommend you use catchphrases in your personal life if you are a person who is currently dating or working on improving a relationship.
Come up with at least one phrase that will help you cope with stress.
For me, all it takes is a reminder of a book I read about the training Navy SEALs go through. My catchphrase is: “It’s okay to be stretched beyond your old limits once in a while.” That simple phrase is a heuristic that activates a strong coping mindset for me.
Your catchphrase will need to be unique to your personal experiences. What people or situations would be helpful to you in reducing psychological stress when facing hardship?
Come up with one phrase that will keep you grounded even though you are pursuing important relationship goals.
For me, this one is very simple. The phrase “Be here now,” echoes through my mind whenever I realize I need to be a little less fused with a particular goal. Diffusing from a goal means you release the internal mental demand that you achieve the goal. It means you accept reality as you find it at this present moment, even if things seem to be going in a bad direction.
“Be here now,” does wonders to reduce stress and improve my quality of life. It allows me to continue working on goals without becoming emotionally overwhelmed by the mental strain of pursuing a goal.
Design one phrase to make you feel bold and act courageously.
You need this one if you are going to go after the kind of man you really admire. It’s not always easy to pursue someone when you like that person so much you are afraid to fail. It’s easier to get into relationships with people who are just “okay” to protect your emotions from potential heartache if things don’t go well. Obviously, I do not recommend you settle in this way.
You can adopt a short catchphrase that will bolster your confidence just before you need to make a move. It could go something like, “Love is worth it,” or “Fear is okay, as long as I don’t let it control me.” Come up with a phrase that inspires you toward bold action.
Design a phrase to spark your joy and happiness
Those of you who have studied my material probably saw this one coming. Happiness is a virtue worth developing in yourself. It also strongly attracts quality men.
Come up with a short catchphrase you can repeat to yourself often. It needs to be a mental shortcut to some idea, memory, or source of inspiration that sparks thoughts and feelings of joy. Mine is, “Let life flow through you.” To me, this is a joyful idea. It reminds me to embrace both the small and the big opportunities for living life to the fullest.
Once you have designed your catchphrases, commit them to memory. Your catchphrases should be memorable from the start, but you will want to write them down and rehearse them at least once per day until they start popping into your mind automatically as events unfold.
An easy way to remember to rehearse your catchphrase is to link it to some daily activity you already have a habit of pursuing. For example, you could write your phrases on a sticky note and put that note on top of your toothbrush. Before you brush your teeth, read the phrases to implant them in your memory.
Our experience of life is dominated by our thoughts and mental interpretations of events. Small changes in your habits of thought can have profound and life-changing effects. This is because a change in your habitual pattern of thought causes repeated ripple effects.
One positive shift in your mood state can impact many other unrelated events for the rest of the day. Several positive mood shifts each day can have a larger impact that builds over the months and years as you practice deliberate adoption of key phrases that help you to thrive.
James
Thanks James for your blog and ladies for your responses. My catch phrase is…if he doesn’t see your worth then he isn’t worth it.! I am a person who outwardly displays immense confidence but inwardly I suffer…hence I am working on “self” at the moment. I need to learn to love, respect and appreciate myself and only then can i rise above self doubt or negativity from others. Thanks again James and all who comment.
Thank you James for your very honest, real, and useful / useable advice. It’s funny how I always seem to receive an email on exactly the appropriate topic, just when I need it!
And thank you ladies, for sharing your thoughts on catchphrases, I’ve found them all helpful.
Helge, your phrases in particular resonated with me, I will definitely use them.
How did you get on with letting your ex see the new you? I ask, since I am in exactly the same situation, but unfortunately, although when we have met up (very occasionally), we have the best time together, I think I finally have to accept that I’m flogging a dead horse.
To quote you, Helge, “I am way too good for someone who doesn’t appreciate me”!
Wishing every happiness to all you ladies ( and to you too James!)
Karen
Dear James, I have several catchphrases:
“I deserve the best because I am worth it.”
“I am way too good for someone who doesn`t appreciate me.”
” I am a great woman with dignity and style.”
Thank you for doing a great job, James, I`ve already learned so much from you. 4 months ago my boyfriend broke up with me and I thought I would die. Now I know better because I learned so much and gained confidence as well that I would never want to go back to be the insecure dependent woman I was. Life is great! Thank you again and I hope you keep sharing your invaluable thoughts with us. God bless you!
Thanks for sharing those beautiful thoughts. You made my day!
Hello again James, may I ask you a question? Do you think I should give my ex the opportunity to meet the new “me”? I just cannot forget him and I never felt for anyone what I felt for him and also no-one made me feel the way he did. I also still believe we were so well suited. I would really appreciate your advice, James. Thank you in advance. Kind regards from Helge.
I don’t pretend to be a mind-reader, but your question suggests you have already decided to give it a try. Just go into it with a mindset that will allow you to walk away with your head held high if things don’t work out.
Thank you James, good words to practice and live. And for the responses! Happy Holidays…
Great and very helpful article. Thank you James!
Thanks to you James and all who have shared on this thread. I have a few to share. For me- time has been an issue. Always feeling that I was running out of time and that I “could never get it all done- never have time for fun, love, etc.” For a while I wore 2 watches- one on each wrist, to remind me that there was “lots of time” and that “I would know when the time was right” for whatever decision I was facing.
Another is that I don’t need to worry about finding love… believe that love is all around me and that I can radiate genuine love to all my family, friends, coworkers and that as I give love to others, the love I really want will come to find me. At least I’m banking on that and believe that it is a just way to live- without expectation of recompense but accepting if it comes.
What a lovely concept, Maria. We should all try to live by this. I love the idea of having two watches to remind us that there is lots of time – I always berate myself for “wasting” it – but it is SO important to find the time to stop and smell the roses – which I do literally try to do now. Also, I have definately found that by spreading love, rather than negativity, you get it coming straight back at you. “Love you” for this post!! Thank you. Lorna xx
This was a comforting and inspiring article. I was feeling kind of down and this helps you harness your passion. The worst thing that can happen, I can take. So . . . .harness your passions may be a good one for me.
Hello James,
Thank you so very much for your daily messages. I was one of those ultra sensitive, chronically dependent women. Until you came along. Now, I’m a happy independed woman who knows what she wants from a man. I’m praying he comes along sooner rather than later.lol
My new catch phrases is:
Love is worth waiting for, and true love will definitely come along.
I’ve found it and now I’m coaching my man to do what I want and he is doing the same with me. It’s such a joy because we both respect each other so much more this way.
A good man will recognise a positive change in a woman and he will learn to do good accordingly, and vice verca.
Thanks James because if it hadn’t been for your inspiring messages I wouldn’t be any wiser.
Keep up the great work, the world need it.
Warmest regards, Rose.xxx
I appreciate the encouraging feedback, Rose.
James
One of my favs “Don’t look back, You’re not going that way!”
How about “Life begins on the other side of your comfort zone”
My man says I am “high maintenance”, In reality I am not! If, “high maintenance” is wanting to feel that someone loves you by them sayin, “I love you” or “hugging” for no reason, then I guess I am. I dont ask for much, just to know I am loved uncondidionally.
Ok, I have one! Perfect for me….
“I don’t want perfect, I want worth it!”
I like it!
Absolutely perfect! Thank you!
Thanks James, this helps as I am going thru right now with my relationship
“You won’t be wrong for the right man”. Love this one.
Women should apply the Respect Principle to themselves as well. This is a great trait to assimilate by learning this from quality men. Actually, High Maintenance in a woman is a good thing! Realizing that loving ourselves first is paramount (in order not to have that pesky “nurturing” female quirk become a brain drain that drags us down some rat hole). Hmmm…….”I respect myself…….I will nurture myself first ” is a good place to start as a daily catch phrase to stay strong, loving, and sexy to create the high energy, confident woman we will feel compelled to be in all aspects of our lives. Thanks James!
That’s an interesting thought, Joan. I think I agree with you. I am going to ponder the meaning of “high maintenance” more in this context.
James, do you think it is possible to be too “high-minded” and think too highly of oneself – i.e. too “high maintenance”. I find that I get easily offended by some things people say or do, or don’t do (especially my man) and become huffed and difficult, thinking “how can they treat me like that” – as though I was something very special. I can be quite sarcastic and cutting at times. Why should I think I am more importatnt than them? It causes a lot of problems in all my relationships. Perhaps I should be less sensitive and not feel everything is personal? I do try to soften my response and think before I react, but not always, and going silent doesn’t work either – it’s like there’s an elephant in the room!! Maybe I need to learn to smile enigmatically and hide my real feelings? Lala
Some people are just more interpersonally sensitive, Lala. It’s a part of your personality (which is mostly determined by genetics, but also influenced by life experiences). There are ways to decrease interpersonal sensitivity, but the progress can be slow and difficult. I think the best way to start is by increasing your sense of security. Whatever makes you feel threatened, start there. If feeling unimportant (because he doesn’t do something for example) then start by building up your reserves of feeling important–independent of anyone else’s actions. If he doesn’t make you feel special, work on finding ways to think of yourself that make you feel special even if he doesn’t recognize it. Gradually, your internal security and confidence will reduce your reliance on external sources. You will become less sensitive, but you will still want to look for men who treat you well. Look for the intent, not just the actions.
Always intent, the motivation. And building up personal security reserves applies for me across the life board. Not just in a relationship of any sort. We must trust ourselves, rely on our internal strength and use it all to the best and most dignified, calm, manner we can.
I have only recently picked up on your reply, James.(16th March 2016. Sorry not to respond sooner. Would it be a good idea to date entries, so that they are easier to follow?) You are right – I have been boosting my self-esteem by doing my solo singing and getting on with my own life. My self-esteem has gradually increased over the last 71/2 years, since my divorce from my husband of almost 40 years. I think, without me knowing, that he sapped it, and kept me down, because of his own lack of self-esteem. I am now having problems with my two eldest daughters (aged 41 and 34) who have taken their lead from their father in trying to make me feel “less-than” – I can’t tell you how horrible they have been to me. Thank God I have a beautiful youngest daughter, who gives me a lot of support and love, otherwise I WOULD believe that I am a bad person. However, understanding and knowing one’s problem, and oneself, does help to come to terms with it, I feel. I KNOW I am a beautiful, caring, loving person. An amazing strong, confident, totally independent woman (AND I own my own chain-saw!!) Yes, I have faults, we all do, but I am still a lovely person (and not at all big-headed – we have to be honest with ourselves!!) GIRLPOWER. And I’m working on the Mona Lisa smile and body language, which actually my beautiful Mother had, now I come to think of it – she ALWAYS knew she was right and commanded respect, in a very quiet, confident way!! Thankyou, once again, James. Lorna
James,
I am with you! I believe that high maintenance in a woman is important too. We need to love our self first to be able to love someone else in our life. This is so true, but the question is How to start loving yourself first? How to say your loved ones, that you need time and resources for yourself first? Especially, if you have kids, and they are so use to take from you or ask you to pay for their needs?
I am dating a guy and living with my grown up son. It is hard for me to be high maintenance, but I am trying, may be not that successfully sometimes. I feel like I am giving too much for my son and do not know how to stop it. My man is in the similar situation with his daughter. It feels like we both (my guy and I) are nurturing our grown up kids and not able to build our life together because of them.
I feel like I stuck in this situation forever, not knowing the way out of it.
Any good advises or thoughts?
Thank you.
Lana, I wonder if you are the same Lana that added a comment recently, to which I replied above.
I have just read this old comment of yours. I would say that it is time for you and your man to untie the apron-strings that attach your children to you, and let them live their own lives. It may sound harsh, but parents do their children absolutely NO good at all by wrapping them in cotton-wool and not allowing them to fly the nest and experience life on their own – to go out into the world, be responsible for themselves and build their self-confidence and self-worth. If they are always looking to you for strength, they will never look inside themselves to find it. See my comment above, also to Lana. You know this to be true. You just have to find the inner strength in YOURSELF to tell them that it is time for them to go. You can do this in a loving way – with as much support as they need – but GO THEY MUST. You have your own life to live now – live it – and allow them to live theirs. You have done your job. They will not thank you if they turn out to be hopeless, helpless human beings with no back-bone, no sense of responsibility and no self esteem to make it through life on their own. That is a valuable life-lesson that we MUST give our children – otherwise we are failing them. In my opinion!! Lorna
How old is your sob, At a point you do him a disservice by whatever the arrangement is that you feel is holding “both” of you back down or stuck. He, your son may feel better about this than you do. Ah, sorry grown kids! You and your man need to put on your adult pants and let the jus go to grow. Now that’s a catch phrase.
Corrections on a couple words: Son and let the grown kids go so all of you can grow..up!
Thank you, El, for reiterating what I said to Lana regardng letting her son go. It is good to know that I am not alone in this opinion – even if it may seem a little harsh to some people, which I know it will do. She needs to “Give him Wings and Let Him Fly”. She may be surprised to see just how FAR he CAN actually fly, when he is given his freedom. Like a bird finally let out of the golden cage – given his freedom and allowed to sing. (I seem to remember there is an ancient children’s fairy story about that – is it The Nightingale? – I must look it up). Love to all. Lorna x
Hi Lana. I suggest you do two things. First, write a vision for the ways things would be different in your life if you did let go of micromanaging your children’s lives. Write about the good things that would come into your life if you achieved that goal in about three months.
But also write down the cost. Accept the price that you will have to pay in order to gain the kind of freedom you need (the frustrating downsides). Then resolve in your mind that you will pay that price. Become willing to pay the price in order to gain the freedom you desire.
Next, keep a daily log in which you rank your decisions for that day on a scale from 1 to 10. 10 represents great decisions that lead to increasing freedom to reach the vision you wrote about. 1 indicates a setback day. The purpose of this is to raise your conscious awareness. Keeping a log makes things stick in your mind, making you more aware of your goal at the critical moments when you’re making decisions.
Always on your side,
James
Joan,
I am with you! I believe that high maintenance in a woman is important too. We need to love our self first to be able to love someone else in our life. This is so true, but the question is How to start loving yourself first? How to say your loved ones, that you need time and resources for yourself first? Especially, if you have kids, and they are so use to take from you or ask you to pay for their needs?
I am dating a guy and living with my grown up son. It is hard for me to be high maintenance, but I am trying, may be not that successfully sometimes. I feel like I am giving too much for my son and do not know how to stop it. My man is in the similar situation with his daughter. It feels like we both (my guy and I) are nurturing our grown up kids and not able to build our life together because of them.
I feel like I stuck in this situation forever, not knowing the way out of it.
Any good advises or thoughts?
Thank you.
This advice is wonderful, and came at just the right time for me. As I have said before,
I am having problems with my man, who has a lot of psychological problems himself, and masks them with drink. He also has a problem with his sight which needs an operation, or he will go blind, and he is worried sick about that, since he plays the organ in church for his livelihood. I know I should let him go, but can’t just now, I love him dearly (and he says he loves me, but is afraid to commit and keeps pushing me away) – I think he needs me at the moment to help him through his bad patch, and I feel I have been put in his path to do just that. It takes a lot of strength and courage to support someone in this way, and I am afraid of losing him. We all need each other – “No man is an island entire of itself”.
Dale Carnegie wrote in the 20s there is no point in worrying about the future, because it is never what you envisage. How true!! To worry about something that may never happen is silly. There may be no future. My man may drink himself to death before then, or I myself may die of cancer or be killed in a motor accident, but I will have done what I could to help at the time, and if I do make it into the future I will never look back with regret at losing courage and walking away. And, as you say, to settle for someone who is only just Mr. Alright instead of being your Mr. Right, because things are a bit difficult, is not the answer. Nothing is ever perfect, and true love between two people is such a precious, rare thing.
I love your phrases “Love is worth it” and “Be Here Now” and have incorporated them into one of mine “We are Where We Are” – “Be Here Now” – “Love is worth It”. Another one of mine, which my Auntie used in a poem she wrote long ago is “I am so very, very lucky”. Be grateful for what you have.
Who has seen “Life of Pi” and taken heart from the poignant message at the end – something like “Having him to care for gave me a reason to keep going”
Thank you for giving me some more strength and courage to carry on at this difficult time. Lala
I really enjoy your article. I found one for love. “Love will find a way!” Thanks for sharing.
I just hope you are right and “Love will find a way”. It is a lovely thought, and I will endeavour to remember it, but maybe it needs a helping hand, as well?. Lala
“Love will find a way” sounds unclear to me. Yes, Lorna, I feel like I need a helping hand sometimes, a real hand of a friend, not just an expression to repeat to yourself all the time.
I think I feel lonely now…. what would be the right slogan for me in this type of situation?
Lana.
Lana, It is wonderful to think that these articles are keeping on going on, round and round. Thank you. Your response has made me re-read a comment I must have made a long time ago, about the man in my life, who I am still struggling with. Just as I am about to give up on him, re-reading it has given me renewed energy to just keep going and to be there for him, if he needs me and wants me – contrary to what a lot of people have said to me. As far as YOU being lonely is concerned. I, too, feel desperately, crushingly lonely some times. All on my own. I get very depressed and wonder if there is any point in continuing. Alone is a very lonely place. Yesterday I felt really down and spent most of the day in bed reading. It is miserable weather here in England at the moment – cold and damp. However………. Today, I went to two of my get-togethers for retired people. One this morning playing recorders (I am hopeless, but will try to improve) and this afternoon another discussing philosophy – trying to put the world to rights. As retired people, we feel that it is up to us to do what we still can to make a difference in the world with the politicians and the people in power. The youngsters are too busy just trying to exist. In this country we have a country-wide fellowship called U3A (University of the 3rd Age). It is amazing – there are so many wonderful courses one can sign up for – for hardly any money. I would suggest that you look for something like this wherever you are – or start your own if there isn’t one!! Anyone can do it. Even if it’s just a get-together for a coffee and a chat or a knit-and-natter or crafty get-together. It is no good looking to others and waiting for them to invite you to get outside yourself. You have to find the inner strength to get up and make a difference in your own life. Strangely enough, today we discussed religion, and we all decided that asking God for help will not achieve anything. It is only by finding the strength to reach deep inside yourself, believing in yourself, in your self worth, and really, really loving yourself – even if you have made mistakes (we all make mistakes – no-one is perfect), forgiving yourself and being kind, loving and compassionate to yourself, that you will find inner peace and be happy in your own company. Stick a Post-it note on your mirror that says “I Love You” – and believe it!!. Yes, “Love Will Find a Way” – but loving yourself comes first – then you can reach out and share that love with everyone around you. Smile at people in the street, at the shop assistant, the bus driver, the nurse, whoever you come into contact with – especially the grumpy ones! Always say please and thankyou. Thank others for their kindness and patience. If you always keep a smile on your face, it is hard for your brain to feel sad. Your slogans could also be “I can do it” or “Believe and Achieve” or “One Day at a Time”. And never forget to look for the good in your life and keep telling yourself “I am so very, very lucky!!” Helping others in a voluntary capacity is also a wonderful thing to do. Find what it is that motivates you and makes you feel good (do NOT do something that you do not enjoy – no point!). And “Just Go for It”. You have friends on this forum, too. Let us know how you get on – we all need the feed-back. James does a wonderful job, but I know that our responses also help each other. Best of Luck. Love, Lorna
I knew this works because I have had a couple for years. My sister has AA literature that also strongly recommends this process. Time to develop a couple more.
James, you are just so real, and very comforting. thank you for your blog.
Thank you. That is a very meaningful compliment.
Wow! This catchphrase article is very Interesting as I have always done this in my Professional world (“Just Do It” or “Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway”), and also in my Personal world to help relax my mind (“let go, let Flow”, or “Let go, let God”), but never as far as in my dating/relationships go …(or, maybe I should I say…DON’T go!) … Its probably not a good idea to use “professional/business” catchphrases during dating?!
I think its time I come up with a Nicer, Softer catchphrase for dating purposes- maybe:
“if you cant convince em’, confuse em’!!! haha…
Thanks James….I know I’m pretty sarcastic, but I think this article is really GREAT! 🙂
PS~ I’m gonna start doing this tonight!
i love your articles…… it is really very encouraging. although, am not in any relationship now, I have learnt a lot about the mistakes I made in my previous relationship and I intend to have a better one. you are my superstar
Hahaha Suzanne , I love that one if you can’t convince em, confuse em, I think that I’m going to use that lol